http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47702 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 22 May 2013 14:25:02 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47702#post-137084 Wed, 05 Sep 2012 21:01:49 +0000 Ironduke 137084@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Picturing John Snow giving an urgent presentation of this on election night whilst awaiting some scrambling numpties in Scunthorpe racing to count their votes first so they can...be the first to count their votes on election night. Again. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47702#post-137046 Wed, 05 Sep 2012 12:19:35 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 137046@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice work seymour </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47702#post-137034 Wed, 05 Sep 2012 09:40:21 +0000 Midfield Diamond 137034@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>UKIP - so called because their incessant droning about the Euro and Brussels is more effective than any sleeping tablet. Main policy is to do with getting out of Europe but leaders appear unclear about which other continent they think the country is part of. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47702#post-137030 Wed, 05 Sep 2012 08:49:26 +0000 godly1966 137030@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I like the idea of the Rainbow Alliance, George, zippy and bungle running the country. Come to think of it we’ve already got George Osborne. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47702#post-136968 Tue, 04 Sep 2012 17:52:04 +0000 Squudge 136968@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>the 'Respect' Party - has none for or from anyone </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47702#post-136962 Tue, 04 Sep 2012 16:46:09 +0000 Sinnick 136962@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice to see you producing quality satire, seymour. Look forward to this being on Left Alert </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47702#post-136961 Tue, 04 Sep 2012 16:43:11 +0000 Queen of Tarts 136961@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Both funny &amp; worryingly accurate </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47702#post-136958 Tue, 04 Sep 2012 15:13:02 +0000 dvo4fun 136958@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think you'll find that, when he wasn't driving something 'Made in Britain', Moss S. drove a maserati or mercedes. Sorry, must ...get ...out... more</p> <p>Lovely sub and made oi larf so full stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47702#post-136956 Tue, 04 Sep 2012 14:55:42 +0000 beau-jolly 136956@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Green Party. So called because of its political nievity. A one issue party they approriatly field just one MP.<br /> The MRL Party: the only honest political party available<br /> BNP: Feckless fuckwits who find it easier to blame their lack of worth on others' hard work than actually do any hard work. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47702#post-136951 Tue, 04 Sep 2012 14:07:08 +0000 seymour totti 136951@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Does politics confuse you? Do you really know what each party stands for? Well, sit back and relax whilst we bring you NewsBiscuits guide to the 3 main political parties in the UK.</p> <p>Conservatives</p> <p>The Conservatives were formed in 1726 by a group of chinless Kentish landowners concerned about immigrants from France.</p> <p>One of the Conservative's main principles is having public services operated by private firms. They believe that a group of people running it for the public good is less efficient that a company who's main drive is making a profit for shareholders.</p> <p>The Conservative party is also known as the "Tory" party. "Tory" is a derivation of the word story, which is where someone is told something they want to hear that is totally fictional and bears no similarity to the real world.</p> <p>The Conservatives are staunch supporters of the 1st past the post voting system as it reminds them of trips to Ascot.</p> <p>In the political spectrum, the Conservatives sit on the right (a shortened version of their claim to be "always right"). Famous right wingers include Oswald Moseley, Margaret Thatcher and Sir Stanley Matthews.</p> <p>Liberal Democrats</p> <p>The Liberal Democrats were formed in the 1990's by the merger of the Liberal Party and the SDP. Neither party had a manifesto but hoped that the other did. This was not discovered until after the merger was complete. Liberals traditionally have no fixed values, rather they imply them by criticising others who stand up for something.</p> <p>The Lib-Dem motto is "Saying yes to everyone in the vain hope of some votes". In the political landscape, the Lib-Dems occupy the centre ground, sitting on the fence between the left and right wings, though they will move if someone else wants to sit there.</p> <p>The former Liberal Party did take office a number of times in the days before colour was invented. This was purely a ruse of the Conservatives to make everyone realise that things could actually get a whole lot worse with someone else in charge.</p> <p>"Liberal Democrats" is an anagram of "Dismal Career Blots". This sums up nicely what happens to anyone who is elected to Parliament (*1) on their behalf.</p> <p>(*1) – This is a theoretical issue and has never yet happened.</p> <p>Labour</p> <p>The Labour Party was formed in 1907 by a group of small children who were fed up with cleaning chimneys for a career. The use of the word "Party" in the title has always been very tongue in cheek. A party is a cheerful place full of happy people enjoying themselves. By contrast, Labour Party meetings are full of dour, miserable people who work for a living and smell of coal dust.</p> <p>Labour takes its name from the act of giving birth. People become aware of the political process and experience a rush of great joy, though this very quickly turns to nausea. Over the coming months, things begin to grow out of all proportions and they get rapidly more frustrated with the whole situation. By about 9 months, they are shouting and raging at anyone who will listen, telling them they hate them and it is all their fault. They are now ready to take up full party membership.</p> <p>In the 1990's, Tony Blair invented a fresh angle for the party and called it "New Labour". In the same way as comparing "New England" with "England", "New Labour" promised much, delivered little and was full of insincere people with nice shiny teeth.</p> <p>For many years, the Labour Party was the political equivalent of a retarded monkey watching Stirling Moss drive a Ferrari and shouting "Can I have a go?" On the few occasions that they have been allowed to have a go, they have looked perfectly happy until they start moving forward. They quickly crash in a spectacular and expensive manner, then start throwing their own excrement over everyone. </p>