http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47375 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 17:36:20 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47375#post-136222 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 21:08:48 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 136222@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A Manchester City fan born in Salford - that's satire, Perks.</p> <p>Pleased to make all of your acquaintances by the way.</p> <p>Apart from Shlep and Stanley. We've already met. Regrettably.</p> <p>Shuttlecock. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47375#post-136221 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 20:30:39 +0000 Perks 136221@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice NiB Shuttlecock. A Manchester united fan born in Salford? That's satire right? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47375#post-136206 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 17:14:39 +0000 dvo4fun 136206@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>And the ed's seem to like it too, shuttle. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47375#post-136198 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 16:22:31 +0000 Jonny Shlep 136198@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Same thing happened to me mate. My first two contributions submitted over the last few days were sent spiralling into the cyber hinterland almost before I'd put out the fire on me typing finger. They were absolutely brilliant too! ;)</p> <p>Never ceases to amaze me how some peeps get their jollies. *lights pipe and dons gasmask and slingbacks* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47375#post-136186 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 14:55:11 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 136186@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you! Much appreciated.</p> <p>Shuttlecock. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47375#post-136146 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 08:24:28 +0000 dvo4fun 136146@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>See if these help. </p> <p>Edit: Ah, that seems to have worked </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47375#post-136141 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 08:08:42 +0000 JohnA 136141@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Don't worry about the score. That's just the "One Star Troll" who shits on everything because as a card-carrying paranoid schizophrenic, he has no sense of humour. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47375#post-136106 Mon, 27 Aug 2012 22:38:53 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 136106@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>See what I mean?</p> <p>Obviously not welcome here among such fine humourists with a serious flair for 'the art'.</p> <p>Izzit coz I iz a United fan? I wuz borned in dat Salford. My bad.</p> <p>I'll get me coat...</p> <p>Shuttlecock. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47375#post-136087 Mon, 27 Aug 2012 19:52:05 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 136087@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You said "He said "discipline." :(</p> <p>I dunno...</p> <p>Aaaww look! I just got downgraded on a monumental scale. Never mind. I can live with that.</p> <p>Shuttlecock. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47375#post-136083 Mon, 27 Aug 2012 18:58:40 +0000 Jonny Shlep 136083@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>^^^^^^^^^ He said "discipline" :( </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47375#post-136076 Mon, 27 Aug 2012 18:42:14 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 136076@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks DVO. Knocked off in ten minutes flat. Like most of the stuff I do.</p> <p>In all honesty, the Rooney bit just came in because I'm a United fan, and it was intended to be a bit of a pop at the globalisation of what was once my local club.</p> <p>Points taken and appreciated. I've been told before that I lack discipline in my writing.</p> <p>Shuttlecock. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47375#post-136072 Mon, 27 Aug 2012 18:34:59 +0000 dvo4fun 136072@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>OK for a little feedback?</p> <p>Maybe a literary device [huh?] but I wonder if you could reduce the number of 'rogue Essex girl' refs. </p> <p>I think it would finish better without the Wayne Rooney bit, which takes it a bit off course for me. </p> <p>Like the idea though Martin </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47375#post-136068 Mon, 27 Aug 2012 18:18:30 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 136068@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I don't really fit in here Jonny. I find it all a bit confusing. Thanks for the stars mate.</p> <p>Shuttlecock. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47375#post-136064 Mon, 27 Aug 2012 17:56:04 +0000 Jonny Shlep 136064@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You've done this sort of thing before haven't you mate?</p> <p>You disgust me</p> <p>5! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47375#post-136061 Mon, 27 Aug 2012 17:39:12 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 136061@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><strong>Masai Mara National Park, Kenya:</strong> Terrified Masai tribespeople were today taking emergency shelter following the sighting of what appeared to be a rogue Essex girl, lurking in the undergrowth, deep in the heart of this spectacular wildlife reserve.</p> <p>The sighting was reported in the early hours of this morning by a Masai tribesman who was collecting firewood, and immediately reported to the authorities. Via iPhone.</p> <p>"At first, we had just the one single report," said Police Chief Jacob Nzuma. "Then we became inundated with reports of a rogue Essex girl, from many sources. We are treating these sightings with the utmost degree of seriousness. We are in little doubt that there is indeed a rogue Essex girl on the loose. This could have a catastrophic impact on the delicate ecosystem of the reserve. In an effort to track down and dispose of this rogue Essex girl, we have enlisted the assistance of a number of skilled Masai trackers, and a team of crack marksmen. One cannot overestimate the damage a rogue Essex girl is capable of wreaking on the population, and on the land."</p> <p>Masai tribesman, Swaba Sunkole claimed that he was the first person to spot the rogue Essex girl. He claimed to have photographic evidence on his Blackberry, and has apparently signed an exclusive deal with British Media outlet, EIF News and Features. But he did have this to say:</p> <p>"I was gathering firewood in the bush, in the long grass, in Fakawi territory, when all of a sudden a flock of beds took to the sky. When I looked closer, I saw the rogue Essex girl with my own eyes. It was horrible. It was barely dressed, and it was orange, with big black eyes and enormous breasts that did not move naturally. They were strange breasts. They appeared to be, somehow artificial. Then it started to approach me, in a prowling manner. When it bared its enormous teeth I was temporarily blinded by the glare. The blood red talons were terrifying. I took to my toes immediately. I am only grateful that the rogue Essex girl was wearing what appeared to be six inch stiletto heels, which hampered its progress somewhat. Thankfully I was able to escape. I will remain inside until this thing is tracked down and shot. Personally, I would ben the body, just to be on the safe side. Like. By the way, I am big fan of Manchester United. Please send message to Wazza Rooney saying we hope his bad leg gets better soon."</p> <p>At the time of writing, the hunt continues.</p> <p>More as we get it. </p>