http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47153 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 23:39:52 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47153#post-136249 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 23:28:26 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 136249@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Quaz: If it ain't worth bleeding for mate - it ain't worth doing.</p> <p>Nighty night</p> <p>Shuttlecock. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47153#post-136247 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 23:13:06 +0000 Quaz 136247@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Not to blow one's own trumpet you understand, but I always thought it was a shame the original posts on the subject of Squirrel Licking never made the main site. I think they are all now lost in the mists of past versions of the site. There was quite a bit of SL lore and rules that many people contributed to. There was even one memorable friday night when a bunch of us had an on line meet up and trashed the chat room during a game of online Wii Squirrel Licking. I don't think charges were ever pressed, but I think Jeni still has a small scar from the event. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47153#post-136209 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 17:55:51 +0000 Jonny Shlep 136209@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>If I were you Jeni I would draw very little succour from the rather hollow plaudits showered upon you by messrs Stoat and Shuttlecock.</p> <p>You see it's my great misfortune to be acquainted with both these ne'er do wells and indeed have even supped fizzy lager in their company courtesy of a rather disreputable hostelry that is The Coal Hole in The Strand. London W1.</p> <p>Shuttlecock is a swivel-eyed sociopath and rooftop voyeur who on at least 6 occasions has been arrested for exposing himself to The Isle Of Wight. Furthermore the man was born in Salford and wears a trilby hat.....INDOORS!! Yes I know :(</p> <p>Stoat on the other hand is a merlot guzzling jackanapes and slathering (sic) gangsta who wouldn't hesitate to gang up on less mentally robust forum members and reduce them to fits of tears and vomiting, often using a ratio of 12 to 1 to achieve his goal.</p> <p>Good story though Jeni and almost up there with one of mine. Very well played indeed.</p> <p>*lights pipe and basks in own philanthropy* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47153#post-136208 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 17:50:59 +0000 The All New Jeni B 136208@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Only parts of it dvo.</p> <p>(It wasn't IoW.) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47153#post-136207 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 17:39:23 +0000 dvo4fun 136207@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A gag? You mean this isn't true Jeni? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47153#post-136205 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 17:12:25 +0000 The All New Jeni B 136205@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers boys.</p> <p>There was a long-running site gag about squirrel licking a while back, every so often we resurrect it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47153#post-136202 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 16:44:57 +0000 Anonymous 136202@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'd like to echo that last comment.</p> <p>"As the Stoat said to the Squirrel..."</p> <p>Stars from Stan... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47153#post-136201 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 16:35:37 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 136201@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>To demonstrate that I'm not a miserable curmudgeon, may I say that I thoroughly enjoyed reading this very amusing piece and awarded it the five stars it so richly warranted.</p> <p>It's quirky, witty, wry, and funny.</p> <p>Add to that the fact that you can see the Isle of Wight from my house (If you stand on the roof) and it's a winner all the way!</p> <p>Bravo!</p> <p>Shuttlecock. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47153#post-135394 Wed, 22 Aug 2012 21:26:44 +0000 The All New Jeni B 135394@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>He's never been the same since he tried it at Balmoral and got his horse stuck up a tree. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47153#post-135393 Wed, 22 Aug 2012 21:25:25 +0000 Quaz 135393@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Prince Philip was in the "crowd" watching it. He's a keen fan I believe. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47153#post-135387 Wed, 22 Aug 2012 19:41:05 +0000 The All New Jeni B 135387@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I haven't even heard from Lord Coe.</p> <p>I'd have thought he'd have at least texted to wish the team luck. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47153#post-135386 Wed, 22 Aug 2012 19:35:33 +0000 ianslat 135386@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice. And I remember when it used to be the special Olympics.</p> <p>Have you noticed how the Beeb is going out of its way to try to seem as excited by the Paralympics as it was by the Olympics. Hasn't convinced me. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47153#post-135384 Wed, 22 Aug 2012 19:30:51 +0000 Quaz 135384@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Flash, Hennaed Greys were outlawed in 2002 after an incident at the national. All competitors are now tested for "red tongue" after a round of licking. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47153#post-135373 Wed, 22 Aug 2012 15:02:56 +0000 FlashArry 135373@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>That'll be the Pak Choi, they're buggers for it </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47153#post-135372 Wed, 22 Aug 2012 15:00:45 +0000 JohnA 135372@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Chinese team have been stripped of their medals after it was found that the licked squirrels were stuffed. So GB take Olympic gold for a fifth successive Games. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47153#post-135370 Wed, 22 Aug 2012 14:51:46 +0000 FlashArry 135370@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Pity. I have a stockpile of 'modified' grey squirrels - courtesy of No.2 dog - and thought this might be a chance to offload them to a good cause ( after a henna'd rinse ). </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47153#post-135368 Wed, 22 Aug 2012 14:43:51 +0000 The All New Jeni B 135368@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>There was some talk of introducing paralympic squirrels, but it was decided that the idea was nuts.</p> <p>While certain teams have pushed for the introduction of the spring-loaded tongue, the discrepancies between countries was too great, and as no middle ground could be reached discussions ended abruptly.<br /> Unfortunately, a diplomatic incident occurred after the German team taunted the Polish team over the Polish teams' shorter range tongue. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47153#post-135367 Wed, 22 Aug 2012 14:01:59 +0000 FlashArry 135367@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Many thanks for the update, I kept missing the highlights as a result of not being bothered with the whole global sports day thing.</p> <p>Forgive my ignorance - or not, whatever - but are 'differently abled' squirrels used for the Paralympics ? And would a spring-loaded tongue be permitted under the new federated rules ? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47153#post-135349 Wed, 22 Aug 2012 12:17:42 +0000 The All New Jeni B 135349@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>With the Olympics now over and put back in its box, except of course for the ‘special’ Olympics, literally two or three people out there have been asking the question “What happened to team GB in the Squirrel Licking competition?”.</p> <p>As anyone would know who was glued to channel 5 at 2am, Team GB sadly failed to clench gold, but Hugh Pew-Barneymagrew of Eton managed to stagger into a Silver, knocked into second place by the Chinese team, with Greece taking a surprise Bronze.<br /> Who would have thought it, an English public schoolboy beaten off by an Oriental while a Greek came from behind?</p> <p>In front of a crowd of almost hundreds on the Isle of Wight, you could have cut the tension with a wet fish as team GB leapt through the trees in pursuit of the elusive Red Squirrels. No practice Greys these, but pure bred competition Reds, each one as cunning as a Rat with a blow dried tail. Hugh Pew-“The Barney Army” Magrew was hotly in pursuit, getting in several good laps, a drool, and some papping, but he was no match for the Chinese competitor, who not only managed to lick more Squirrels but actually stir fried one of them with bean sprouts and Pak Choi half way through his set. That impressed the judges and from then on Hugh’s fate was sealed.</p> <p>The Team GB coach was disappointed to only snatch an individual silver, but promised that the Paralympic team would bring home the gold.<br /> Permission for the Paralympians to use specially designed "Climbing Blades" is still not guaranteed, but most among the team are confident that the committee will find that large springs attached to the lower limbs of the competitors will not give them an advantage.</p> <p>A Jeni B and Quaz joint production </p>