http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46644 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 23 May 2013 09:16:20 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46644#post-134248 Fri, 10 Aug 2012 09:12:16 +0000 Skylarking 134248@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>BTW Thanks and nice ideas Mr 4fun. I really wanted to fit in The Blind Beggar, but apparently that was another murder (George Cornell? Who?!!). And you've got to have Jack The Hat McVittie mentioned - a name with hats and jaffa cakes in it is intrinsically too funny to pass up. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46644#post-134247 Fri, 10 Aug 2012 09:10:26 +0000 Skylarking 134247@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><strong>NEW EMERGENCY CLOSING PARAGRAPH:</strong><br /> 'It's been a blast putting this loveable little barrel of cockney bloodbath together.' gushed Ritchie, flanked by Nige 'the scarf' Kennedy and Damien 'the corpse' Hirst. 'Team GB played a blinder my son! We'll see you in Rio in four years time - that's if the bank job comes off... I'm joking of course, you muppets!' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46644#post-134217 Thu, 09 Aug 2012 23:03:19 +0000 dvo4fun 134217@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Something about a Brazilian nutcracker perhaps?</p> <p>Funny stuff Skylarking. </p> <p>"... the centrepiece features a tightly choreographed retelling of Reggie Kray’s brutal murder of Jack ‘The Hat’ McVitie" - wonderful imagery</p> <p>I wonder if they'd have room for a reconstruction of 'The Blind Beggar' public house with Barbara Windsor pulling pints and telling everyone that Ronnie &amp; Reggie were the salt of the earth who'd always help an old lady across the road. Even if she didn't want to go. And the traffic hadn't stopped. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46644#post-134206 Thu, 09 Aug 2012 20:55:56 +0000 Skylarking 134206@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Totally agree that the ending could be tighter, Wayland! Couldn't get inspired. The next host nation is Brazil innit? Ideas on a postcard... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46644#post-134203 Thu, 09 Aug 2012 20:37:51 +0000 waylandsmithy 134203@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely job! Not sure if the ending could be tighter, isn't it traditional to insult the next country who will host the Olympics? No idea who that is, unfortunately. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46644#post-134199 Thu, 09 Aug 2012 19:16:37 +0000 Skylarking 134199@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Britain’s best loved member of the upper middle class ‘Mockney’ clan Guy Ritchie delighted the media and public with his plans for the 2012 Olympic closing ceremony.</p> <p>‘I can assure everyone that my little spectacular is going to be the ‘dog’s trustfunds’ if you know what I’m saying.’ quipped Ritchie, addressing the media. ‘And yes there will be lots of noses being broken and witty fuckin’ riposts to dumb arsed questions.’ </p> <p>‘Best of all, there won’t be any of that Kabala numerology cobblers either’ he added to cheers from the assembled reporters.</p> <p>Ritchie, 43, was commissioned to stage the closing Olympic ceremony by LOCOG after it became clear Danny Boyle’s opening spectacular was to feature little of the mindless brutality for which London’s East End has long been renowned.</p> <p>The celebrated director first found worldwide fame documenting the humorously amoral antics of the Mockney clan, through such docu-dramas as Snatch and Swept Away. </p> <p>The precise nature of the closing ceremony has remained a closely guarded secret, thanks to a series of barely comprehensible mockney-rhyming threats issued by Mr Ritchie to the 60,000 strong audience at the dress rehearsal. However it is widely thought that the centrepiece features a tightly choreographed retelling of Reggie Kray’s brutal murder of Jack ‘The Hat’ McVitie. At the climax, Kray is vanquished by a legion of Dick Van Dyke’s, who float to earth wielding poison-tipped chimney brushes.</p> <p>Tickets are still available for the ceremony, priced between £200 - £2,500, with a 10% booking fee and 25% protection surcharge. </p>