http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45675 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Tue, 18 Jun 2013 08:29:21 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45675#post-131451 Fri, 20 Jul 2012 17:29:05 +0000 The Masked Frog 131451@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I liked it </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45675#post-131425 Fri, 20 Jul 2012 15:07:10 +0000 button 131425@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good idea. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45675#post-131424 Fri, 20 Jul 2012 14:44:35 +0000 Carter 131424@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks for the advice and the praise, chaps. Appreciated.</p> <p>Tried a different ending and ditched the Diana stuff. Good idea? Shite idea? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45675#post-131412 Fri, 20 Jul 2012 13:10:13 +0000 dvo4fun 131412@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>yep a good body of work here already Carter</p> <p>"and a million Iraqis into corpses" ouch </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45675#post-131411 Fri, 20 Jul 2012 13:07:47 +0000 button 131411@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Really good, 5 stars from me </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45675#post-131410 Fri, 20 Jul 2012 13:00:29 +0000 waylandsmithy 131410@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Really, really good. Agree that it could do with a better punchline, but still worth 5.</p> <p>Maybe he should reference his switch to the catholic church, and how that might be a fundamental constitutional barrier to being queen. But since he's brought the issue up, it's now time to forget and move on? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45675#post-131402 Fri, 20 Jul 2012 12:39:14 +0000 NewSuburbanDad 131402@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>What about organising a car crash to remove the current queen? Like the writing style - you've certainly hit the ground running </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45675#post-131401 Fri, 20 Jul 2012 12:18:27 +0000 cinquecento 131401@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>like it, stars, though last line maybe needs a twist in it </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45675#post-131398 Fri, 20 Jul 2012 11:34:40 +0000 Carter 131398@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Former Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, Tony Blair, today announced his intention to return to public life but this time as the nation's unelected figurehead.</p> <p>'I take nothing away from the current Queen who has done an amazing job but a modern nation needs a modern representative. One who is young but not too young, let's say late fifties, and one who is across the vibrant culture of today. We're talking the kind of Queen who goes on holiday with Cliff Richard and once met someone from Oasis - I think it was one of the Northern ones.'</p> <p>Asked if he was expecting a rocky road to the balcony at Buckingham Palace, Blair replied confidently:</p> <p>'I've always been unafraid of making big changes. I turned Labour into New Labour, crumbling hospitals into decent healthcare providers, and a million Iraqis into corpses.'</p> <p>'I know the people of this nation and they're not afraid either. They're the kind of decent, hard-working citizens: a few pints on the weekend, vote during Strictly, two weeks in Spain, eat at Nandos, bollocks to it, I've got no idea how the proles amuse themselves get an intern to Google it and for fuck's sake don't read this bit out – AC, who would be happy to see someone else wearing the Imperial State Crown, or a Philip Tracey hat and lavender ensemble on less formal occasions.'</p> <p>Blair outlined the changes he would make to the role of monarch with one crucial difference being communication.</p> <p>'Elizabeth II has never given a sit down interview, taken her jacket off at a heavily moderated town hall-style discussion or chatted to the press while casually holding a mug of tea. During my reign such moments would be a regular occurrence with the more spontaneous entered into the diary months in advance to ensure a successful roll-out and delivery. And I will of course be available to friend on Facebook and followed not just as the most important strand in the dazzling multi-cultural carpet of 21st Century Britain but, in a very real sense, on Twitter as well.'</p> <p>With the deft skill of a seasoned politician Blair was quick to raise then dismiss the notion that his being a recent convert to Catholicism poses a fundamental constitutional barrier to his becoming Queen. </p> <p>'Look, I'm a pretty straight guy and now I've brought the issue up it's time to forget it and move on. The same advice a lot of Catholic priests have been giving to their younger parishioners for years and I find it tremendously encouraging. Whether applied to an alter boy who's finding all that priest stuff hard to swallow or to a nation that's a little to obsessed with detail when it comes to things like starting wars, isn't it time we all forgot it and moved on?'</p> <p>In a surprising move, Blair declared that he would retain Prince Philip as Queen's Consort.</p> <p>'I have met Prince Philip on many occasions and always found him to be wonderful company.'</p> <p>He went on to point out that spending time with a plank-thick, overprivileged racist who can't open his mouth without saying something ridiculous and/or offensive was second nature to him on account of his close friendship with George W. Bush. </p>