http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45478 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Mon, 20 May 2013 06:07:47 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45478#post-131046 Wed, 18 Jul 2012 11:42:21 +0000 thisisall1word 131046@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Security firm G4S were today announced as the surprise winners of the contract to backfill police shortages caused by thousands of police officers having to cover the shortage in Olympic security positions.</p> <p>The Government minister with responsibilities for the Olympics, Jeremy Hunt, explained the awarding of the contract showed that "this Governemnt is committed to an ongoing listening excersie around costs, security, and the ineptitude of many private companies, but that most importantly, and I cannot stress this enough, we have learned little to nothing from the last few months and are looking forward to making the same mistakes over and over again until something goes right".</p> <p>G4S chief exec Bob Something was surprised by the successful bid, highlighting the fact that it had been submitted "as something of a private joke" but that he looked forward to "making a bit more money out of the whole thing", <em>(the Olympics)</em>.<br /> He also revealed his hastily drafted plans to start a process of press ganging girl guides into joining the volunteer police force. "We've already spoken to someone on the internet who reckons that there' might be a Girl Guide badge for targetting knife and gun crime, or if there isn't then we could create one, so the girls who do make it through the afternoon training session and then the 4 weeks of violent altercations will gain real life street smarts, a badge and a letter from the Mayor. In lieu of any actual pay of course." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45478#post-131001 Wed, 18 Jul 2012 08:50:10 +0000 dvo4fun 131001@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Get your priorities right thisis!</p> <p>Lovely idea. Might it work in the recent 'Idiots Guide to' kind of style, with a separate para for each backfilling event? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45478#post-131000 Wed, 18 Jul 2012 08:40:44 +0000 thisisall1word 131000@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>G4S to backfill shortage of Girl Guides? Wait... Will try and redraft today if work stop fucking asking for things... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45478#post-130999 Wed, 18 Jul 2012 08:13:48 +0000 nickb 130999@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes, all this is right but it ends up with Prison Officers drafted in to fill the blah blah, and prisoners escaping only to be caught by Girl Guides drafted in to fill the shoes of Police Officers who have had to fill in by being spectators at the football. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45478#post-130995 Wed, 18 Jul 2012 08:03:51 +0000 NewSuburbanDad 130995@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Following VCG could you go "British army asks Americans for extra troop reinforcements, US army uses its private security partner Haliburton, Haliburton sub-contracts to its local provider - G4S". Because then the games security would be compromised by "tautological staffing issues" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45478#post-130960 Tue, 17 Jul 2012 22:48:43 +0000 Boutros 130960@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Agree with the giant. Great idea.<br /> Typo in headline.</p> <p>CEO Bob Something - love it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45478#post-130911 Tue, 17 Jul 2012 20:19:22 +0000 Alfred Noakes 130911@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>excellent headline </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45478#post-130792 Tue, 17 Jul 2012 13:22:24 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 130792@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I like this idea but for me it would work better concentrating on the idea of G4S filling the gap left by the police/army filling the gap left by G4S not doing what they should have done.</p> <p>But then it turns out that they don't have enough people available to fill the gap, so they have to draft in somebody else to do it instead. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45478#post-130782 Tue, 17 Jul 2012 12:32:48 +0000 thisisall1word 130782@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Shortages within local Police forces are to be filled through a short term contract with private security form G4S.<br /> "This is a good contract for us to win and will more than cover recent losses we suffered through other recent contract negiotiations" CEO Bob Something reported, "It's a real boost for our shareholders and we have already seen our shareprice rise 3% after this announcement".<br /> G4S will be responsible for high level policing and targeting knife and gun crime in the capital, something their newest recruits, fresh from finishing GCSEs or returning from spells at Her Majesties Pleasure, are really looking forward too. "The trainings been a real laugh, lots of great guys were at the crime awareness afternoon we had" revealed Amy Humpfries, 17, of East Acton "...<br /> etc... will update later... maeybe </p>