http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45428 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 23 May 2013 17:21:20 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45428#post-130612 Mon, 16 Jul 2012 18:40:45 +0000 Psycadelic Squirrel 130612@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I once knew a woman who had a performing badger... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45428#post-130611 Mon, 16 Jul 2012 18:33:07 +0000 dvo4fun 130611@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I don't suppose you have a performing badger by any chance ... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45428#post-130608 Mon, 16 Jul 2012 18:26:55 +0000 NewSuburbanDad 130608@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you. I'm also available for weddings, bar mitzvahs etc... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45428#post-130607 Mon, 16 Jul 2012 18:26:09 +0000 NewSuburbanDad 130607@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>iPhone playing up </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45428#post-130599 Mon, 16 Jul 2012 18:10:24 +0000 dvo4fun 130599@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>well I liked it, especially</p> <p>'And thanks to a shortage of starter pistols, a clown has agreed to step in at the last minute and start the race by shouting "Look out, the Hamburglar's behind you! " </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45428#post-130577 Mon, 16 Jul 2012 15:38:40 +0000 NewSuburbanDad 130577@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Olympic organisers strongly denied yesterday that their newest track event, in which runners pursue a speeding wire-pulled hamburger before wrestling rivals to the death for a bite of it, was in any way influenced by their choice of corporate sponsor. </p> <p>'Our feedback from Beijing suggested an edible performance incentive might enhance some track events'' said a spokesman. ' We could have used any bait to get competitors' juices up, but the  Big Mac, with its all-beef patties, special sauce, special cheese, pickled gherkins in a sesame seed bun, seemed ideal. Besides, it's the only food substance allowed inside the stadium'. </p> <p>Other signs of corporate coercion were dismissed as coincidence . 'Sure, the medal is a gold M,  but we couldn't afford the original "Mmmmm yum!" design' continued the spokesman . 'And thanks to a shortage of starter pistols, a clown has agreed to step in at the last minute and start the race by shouting "Look out, the Hamburglar's behind you! " </p> <p>Other new events for London include the Credit Card Clay Pigeon shooting , emphatically not sponsored by anyone, in which  American Express cards confiscated from spectators are catapulted into the air and shot to pieces by "Visa guns" - and the possibility of "synchronised cola swimming". </p> <p>'Yes, we were looking to fill the pool with coke,' said the spokesman, ' but the idea was abandoned during trials. No-one could see the girls' legs through the delicious caramel flavouring, and with all those bubbles around it was impossible to deduct points for farting infringements.' </p>