http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45135 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 15:43:22 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45135#post-129166 Mon, 09 Jul 2012 12:11:32 +0000 daneade 129166@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A week after being discovered the Higgs Boson has failed to improve anyone’s life in any way whatsoever.</p> <p>Devastated scientists at CERN have admitted they got a bit carried away with the discovery and say that a mere one week later the particle has ‘pretty much done fuck all.’<br /> Initial predictions that scientists would achieve omnipresence have proved to be well wide of the mark.</p> <p>‘It seems inevitable now that the particle will now be officially classified as useless’ said a spokesman. ‘This means it will be booed and jeered at any future scientific conferences. Give me Velcro any day.’</p> <p>It had been hoped the boson would at least produce some small advances in non-stick cookery but even this has proved well beyond its reach. </p> <p>‘The Higgs Boson can ‘apparently’ produce the Big Bang’ sneered another scientist, ‘but can’t even make doing the washing-up a bit easier. That particle is dead to me.’ </p>