http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44882 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 25 May 2013 02:44:23 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44882#post-128579 Wed, 04 Jul 2012 15:20:48 +0000 NewSuburbanDad 128579@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh well, made you lot laugh. May also be just different enough to work anyway... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44882#post-128571 Wed, 04 Jul 2012 13:59:35 +0000 Not Amused 128571@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>pity .. They have got spies ! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44882#post-128559 Wed, 04 Jul 2012 12:39:09 +0000 waylandsmithy 128559@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Newsthump just ran something extremely similar to this, bummer! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44882#post-128499 Wed, 04 Jul 2012 04:21:15 +0000 Dumbnews 128499@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Scientists hail first sighting of elusive girlfriend/vagina/woman etc.. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44882#post-128488 Tue, 03 Jul 2012 21:52:00 +0000 dvo4fun 128488@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>cracker </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44882#post-128481 Tue, 03 Jul 2012 20:41:02 +0000 waylandsmithy 128481@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Not sure the particle exists, but the FP is bound to. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44882#post-128449 Tue, 03 Jul 2012 15:59:09 +0000 NewSuburbanDad 128449@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yep, corrected, along with typo in last paragraph. Thanks for kind comments, might try to incorporate your suggestions later. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44882#post-128448 Tue, 03 Jul 2012 15:50:38 +0000 herculepoisson 128448@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely idea, but surely 'Scientists <strong>hail</strong> first sighting of <strong>elusive</strong> 'banker's morals''?</p> <p>Bankers morals are believed to be invisible even under microscopes, but the building blocks of our global capitalist universe. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44882#post-128445 Tue, 03 Jul 2012 15:32:43 +0000 RickH 128445@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Brilliant!!<br /> You might add that...<br /> Parallel experiments in America have been seeking conscience in lawyers for even longer but the Tevatron was shut down last year, coincidentally just as it was starting to show results. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44882#post-128443 Tue, 03 Jul 2012 15:18:05 +0000 Thor 128443@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>5 stars for what only be described as an insane fantasy. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44882#post-128437 Tue, 03 Jul 2012 15:11:26 +0000 NewSuburbanDad 128437@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Jubilant scientists in CERN have confirmed the first known sighting of the infinitesimally small ‘collective conscience of the bankers’, after a hunt lasting many years. ‘We knew one banker, somewhere, must have had a pang of guilt at least once’ declared an exhausted and delighted spokesman. ‘All it took to find it was several billion dollars, hundreds of scientists, and a massive bribe to someone in the city for inside information.’</p> <p>The kind thought is believed to be an echo of the 1987 Big Bang, when a stockbroker driving away from a wine bar fleetingly asked himself “should I stop to check whether the whore under the wheels of my Porsche is ok?’ before concluding “nah, bugger it – the NHS is what my taxes are for. And I pay too many of them”.</p> <p>The theory that bankers could be nice dates back to the 1960s, but it is only in the last decade that computer power has enabled research to prove the idea. ‘We thought the guy who first proposed it must have been some well-meaning loved-up hippy off his face – I mean, who’d have thought money men weren’t all evil?’ declared the spokesman. ‘But, give him his due, he was right’</p> <p>The state-of-the –mind-reading art equipment failed several times when first powered up, due to being overloaded with the “white noise of the milk of human kindness from normal people” but then the hunt narrowed. ‘We got down to a slim spectrum of possible conscience, and then the hard work began’ said the spokesmen. ‘For instance, the whole of 2010 was spent mistakenly tracking what turned out to be the “charitable concerns of no-win-no-fee asbestos claims lawyers”’.</p> <p>Now that the experiment is finished, CERN’s owners are left wondering what to do with a huge reinforced concrete bunker under Switzerland, and it is understood Barclays Bank have expressed an interest in the site for a new international headquarters. ‘We’re getting a lot of flack from you oiks’ said a banker, ‘and we’re moving underground just as soon as we get planning permission for the secret rocket base and piranha tank. One way or another, we’ll make you pay for all this. Haahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah (repeat to fade)’ </p>