http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44728 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 10:33:22 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44728#post-128199 Sat, 30 Jun 2012 22:38:20 +0000 Yikes 128199@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very good!</p> <p>Like your prayer collider sub, I preferred it pre the NiB edit ... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44728#post-128158 Sat, 30 Jun 2012 11:26:27 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 128158@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice work bonjo, bonjo bonjo etc. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44728#post-128155 Sat, 30 Jun 2012 11:15:13 +0000 bonjonelson 128155@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sadly the "necrosis of the chi" line didn't make the final cut. Oh well... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44728#post-128141 Sat, 30 Jun 2012 09:56:26 +0000 button 128141@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent. Whenever I read one of your subs I end up singing to the tune of No Limits by Europopsters 2 Unlimited: Bonjo, Bonjo bonjo, bonjo bonjo, bonjo bonjo-nelson! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44728#post-128139 Sat, 30 Jun 2012 09:23:02 +0000 Al OPecia 128139@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Super 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44728#post-128108 Fri, 29 Jun 2012 21:30:14 +0000 Perks 128108@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yep. Very good, five from me </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44728#post-128104 Fri, 29 Jun 2012 21:14:30 +0000 bonjonelson 128104@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you all. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44728#post-128074 Fri, 29 Jun 2012 17:27:05 +0000 The Masked Frog 128074@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Love it! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44728#post-128065 Fri, 29 Jun 2012 16:36:27 +0000 Very Little Else 128065@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely.<br /> 5 super-pointy genuine stars.<br /> A collegue was telling me only yesterday about a therapy whereby one can get one's "aura cleansed". Why? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44728#post-128060 Fri, 29 Jun 2012 16:07:01 +0000 dvo4fun 128060@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It's whale stuff and Five Big Ones from me </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44728#post-128058 Fri, 29 Jun 2012 15:26:56 +0000 bonjonelson 128058@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>of course! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44728#post-128050 Fri, 29 Jun 2012 14:45:44 +0000 Gerontius 128050@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>trust it was a mistral breeze block Bonjo </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44728#post-128046 Fri, 29 Jun 2012 14:11:49 +0000 bonjonelson 128046@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Not sure if 'whale songs' or '80s funk' works better in the above. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44728#post-128043 Fri, 29 Jun 2012 14:00:01 +0000 bonjonelson 128043@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Most NHS Trusts in England and Wales have confirmed today they will not be providing free medical treatment for conditions caused by rogue crystal healers.</p> <p>Pixie Moonbeam, from Nottinghamshire, is one of many who claims to have been affected by the use of industrial-grade stones by unregistered shamans. She started having mild emotional problems after visiting a mobile crystal healer working out of a van in a Worksop car park. "I was a bit suspicious that the stone he was using looked just like those piled up nearby where they were repairing a water main, but he assured me he was a professional and requested I wear a hard hat throughout the procedure, so I carried on. But ever since then, I had a vague feeling that something isn't right. That's when I went to my GP, who said my chakra might have been damaged."</p> <p>The NHS spends hundreds of thousands of pounds every year on tests relating to these problems. The most powerful test is the Chakra Scan - a complicated procedure where the patient undergoes an MRI scan while listening to whale songs, and GP referrals for this particular procedure have tripled in the last 18 months.</p> <p>Sadly Pixie's story is not unique. In recent months reports have come in of crystal practitioners using roofing slate, shards from a broken granite gravestone and in one case a breeze block for their treatments. Holistic experts have confirmed that these materials could seriously abrade the patient's aura and in extreme cases lead to necrosis of the chi, yet NHS Trust managers claim there simply are not enough funds available to deal with the problems.</p> <p>Pixie herself now has the agony of waiting to find out whether her perforated chakra can be repaired or not. She is currently using a special headband fitted with elestial tibettan quartz crystals which must be worn 24 hours a day, but physicians fear even this may not be enough, and an expensive full chakra transplant might become necessary.</p> <p>"I just want to warn people about this scam", Pixie sobs, " if the crystals aren't shiny, pointy and really really sparkly, then there's a very good chance they have absolutely no medical benefit at all." </p>