http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44597 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 00:26:12 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44597#post-127841 Thu, 28 Jun 2012 06:48:14 +0000 waylandsmithy 127841@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks for all the kind comments, they're very much appreciated! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44597#post-127831 Wed, 27 Jun 2012 20:59:07 +0000 Very Little Else 127831@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Dear Wayland. I've had a shit day. Thanks for brightening it as only you can. 5 carapaced stars.<br /> PS Not too long at all; when a sub's this good you can make it as long as you like. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44597#post-127821 Wed, 27 Jun 2012 19:52:12 +0000 Perks 127821@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Brilliant. If only we could all think like you wayland, the world would be a nicer, if not slightly surreal place. Although one warning, the only other person i can think off that looks like these sorts of ideas happen in his mind was George Dubya Bush. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44597#post-127816 Wed, 27 Jun 2012 17:41:17 +0000 flopsy 127816@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Have just joined news biscuit on the hilarity of this post, thank you. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44597#post-127813 Wed, 27 Jun 2012 17:05:10 +0000 Em Felis 127813@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes I enjoyed this story but thought it was a little lengthy! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44597#post-127811 Wed, 27 Jun 2012 16:34:11 +0000 Qoxiivi 127811@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Just superb. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44597#post-127773 Wed, 27 Jun 2012 12:23:15 +0000 writinginbsl 127773@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>very funny</p> <p>loved the lichen</p> <p>stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44597#post-127767 Wed, 27 Jun 2012 12:06:05 +0000 The All New Jeni B 127767@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You've been at your special baccy again, you twisted genius.</p> <p>Loved this, a nice twist. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44597#post-127756 Wed, 27 Jun 2012 11:50:23 +0000 waylandsmithy 127756@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>fankew! Gregle, I was in two minds about that, but I'm hoping the tortoise was famous enough to get away without signposting it too much. Or maybe it's better to just have him as 'lonesome' all the way through?</p> <p>When I first started writing this, George was lonesome because of his poor personal hygiene and obsession with collecting the numbers off all the scientific vessels. But I couldn't get it to work properly, so I made him into a proper bastard. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44597#post-127754 Wed, 27 Jun 2012 11:42:44 +0000 Duff 127754@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I like this v much. Turtlely surreal and just a little bit odd. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44597#post-127751 Wed, 27 Jun 2012 11:33:43 +0000 gregle 127751@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Love it. Maybe you could put " "Lonesome George" or "Irksome George" as he was known to the local tortoise population" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44597#post-127742 Wed, 27 Jun 2012 10:03:21 +0000 grumblechops 127742@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>yeah, excellent. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44597#post-127740 Wed, 27 Jun 2012 09:47:18 +0000 Yikes 127740@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>magnificent idea!! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44597#post-127738 Wed, 27 Jun 2012 09:31:39 +0000 charlies_hat 127738@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Brilliant idea. We all know a George, and if you don't...... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44597#post-127737 Wed, 27 Jun 2012 09:28:44 +0000 waylandsmithy 127737@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Staff at the Galapagos national park have been astounded by the overnight appearance of over 300 female Pinta giant tortoises, many of which were assumed to be rocks.</p> <p>Scientists believed that the Pinta tortoise was extinct, with the last-known specimen, ‘Irksome George’, dying earlier this week. But experts now think that the rest of his species had just been avoiding him, and his boring stories about how he’d been repeatedly weighed, polished up and then photographed.</p> <p>“George was a proper pain in the arse”, explained ‘Winsome Lisa’, who has been pretending to be an outcrop for the last four and half decades. “He was always slagging off turtles, and his stories went on for months. Once he got going, it was very hard not to slip into a hibernation.”</p> <p>George was considered a nuisance by many females on the island, repulsed at the thought of waking to find his head wedged up a leg hole. “He (George) wasn’t right”, claimed ‘Buxom Michelle’, a sprightly 120 year-old bomb-shell. You dropped your guard for so much as a fortnight, and he'd be all over you like lichen."</p> <p>“He was always going on about how horny he was, and how he wanted to ‘roll me’, but that’s not an attractive prospect to a 500-lb tortoise without access to specialist lifting gear”, complained Michelle. “He used to take girls out for lunch, walk up to them backwards and then pretend to eat a lettuce with his leathery old penis. I wasn’t falling for that, do I look like I was born last century?”</p> <p>With much attention being paid to George by naturalists and the world media, he became so overbearing, many of his kind pretended to have been eaten by Spanish sailors. “It got to the point where he was insisting on having a star above his head-hole”, claims Michelle. “They were even shipping girls over for him, from the nearby island of Santiago.”</p> <p>Now that George is dead, life has returned to normal for the tortoises of Pinta, although many are looking forward to relationships with males from elsewhere in the archipelago. “Oh sure, George had an eye for the exotic overseas lady tortoises”, claimed Michelle, “but he was careful not to father any children outside of his subspecies. Not only was he a pervert, but also a terrible racist; I'd like to think we can finally evolve and move on.” </p>