http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 05:41:51 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536#post-129055 Sun, 08 Jul 2012 18:03:25 +0000 dvo4fun 129055@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>@ b-j "...she was a mother of two accidental kids and a profoundly deaf heroin addict..."<br /> Maybe she didn't hear when punters said 'Shall I wear a condom?" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536#post-129042 Sun, 08 Jul 2012 16:57:29 +0000 Ironduke 129042@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I bet she knows some interesting sign language. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536#post-129016 Sun, 08 Jul 2012 12:37:30 +0000 beau-jolly 129016@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><a href="http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45050">I knew I'd seen it somewhere</a><br /> At the risk of forming a mobeus strip I thought I'd link them up. Ta Thor etc.</p> <p>During my research (see above) I noticed a local lass who looked OK if you didn't know she was a mother of two accidental kids and a profoundly deaf heroin addict and part-time prostitute. Other than that she's a catch! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536#post-128967 Sat, 07 Jul 2012 21:06:31 +0000 Ironduke 128967@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Can I get a brolly in my Penis Colada? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536#post-124811 Fri, 01 Jun 2012 23:42:53 +0000 Quaz 124811@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"Then have a minimalist flat in the heart of London &amp; if lucky a home submerged in green", reads as "I'd like a rich bloke with a London pad so we can do city city stuff and see shows, but also a place in the country where I can pretend to be in Narnia, but preferably somewhere in the Cotswalds." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536#post-124788 Fri, 01 Jun 2012 17:16:47 +0000 Thor 124788@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I was reading it out of idle curiosity. Honest. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536#post-124782 Fri, 01 Jun 2012 16:08:51 +0000 Gerontius 124782@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'Not looking for one night of forgetful bliss'....no, but I bet he soon will be. She couldn't cram the introduction into one night.<br /> ....'but if I can't find the man of my dreams a quick shag wouldn't go amiss'<br /> And for anyone who is wondering what Thor was doing reading the Guardian dating website online then....'shame on you'<br /> Wash your mouth out right now.<br /> Wayland's right...it can't be a bloke.<br /> This is a bloke<br /> 'bald, fat, likes a drink...could do with blow job...sorry if I went on too long' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536#post-124778 Fri, 01 Jun 2012 16:00:26 +0000 beau-jolly 124778@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Back in the days of MySpace I wrote a very mysogonistic blog about what Internet daters are really saying.<br /> <a href="http://www.myspace.com/beaujolly/blog/237188740">It was a long time ago!</a></p> <p>If you can't be arsed to read it all this is a snippet:</p> <p><em>"45, fit and athletic, have travelled all over the world to lots of exotic places and had amazing experiences..." = Shit, I'm 50 and still acting like a teenager. I can't go on like this for ever, I had better find some one who can provide some security for my later years while I still have some of my looks left.</em></p> <p>Amazingly I got hit on by quite a few women. Even more amazingly two became "special friends". Polyana (at the end of the comments) was not one of them! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536#post-124738 Fri, 01 Jun 2012 12:29:36 +0000 medici2471 124738@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Had to google the pineapple point Shitsu, interesting...</p> <p><a href="http://www.pineapplejuice.com/improve-the-taste-of-your-sperm-with-pineapple-juice.html">just off to Tesco</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536#post-124690 Fri, 01 Jun 2012 08:36:02 +0000 Scronnyglonkle 124690@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It was all a pack of lies, I replied to it, she was 28 stone had ten kids and Narnia turned out to Wigan!</p> <p>Actually not all lies, she wouldnt shut up. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536#post-124681 Fri, 01 Jun 2012 07:46:36 +0000 ianslat 124681@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It's just been cut and pasted from one of Jeremy hunt's emails to James Murdoch hasn't it? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536#post-124680 Fri, 01 Jun 2012 07:35:21 +0000 Thor 124680@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"Does that work? It sounds like a high price to pay...”</p> <p>I did quite nicely by pretending to be sympathetic to feminism, back in the day. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536#post-124637 Thu, 31 May 2012 21:15:23 +0000 dvo4fun 124637@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hold on I'll see if the juicer is working; I'm sure we've got a pineapple in the fridge</p> <p>Does go on a bit don't it? I'm thinking if anybody got to the end of the ad then they'd be pretty much ideal fodder. Or a Biscuiteer looking for an angle. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536#post-124636 Thu, 31 May 2012 20:55:52 +0000 waylandsmithy 124636@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>So the perfect ad would be: "I am sensitive, empathetic and quite fond of kitttens. Also, I have drunk a lot of pineapple juice." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536#post-124634 Thu, 31 May 2012 20:35:23 +0000 shitsu_tonka 124634@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It would work on me as long as he also drunk a lot of pineapple juice. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536#post-124633 Thu, 31 May 2012 20:19:43 +0000 waylandsmithy 124633@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Does that work? It sounds like a high price to pay. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536#post-124630 Thu, 31 May 2012 19:55:47 +0000 shitsu_tonka 124630@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I honestly thought that it was a bloke pretending to be sensitive in the hope that it would lead to blow jobs. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536#post-124629 Thu, 31 May 2012 19:48:55 +0000 waylandsmithy 124629@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You can tell it's a 'she' from the subtle clues. A man would say 'I'm not that bald or fat, and I don't drink <em>all </em>the time.' And it's over three sentences long, for christ's sake.</p> <p>Also: 'can talk forever...' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536#post-124627 Thu, 31 May 2012 19:21:08 +0000 shitsu_tonka 124627@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Narnia? What does she want to do, get nasty with Mr Tumnus? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536#post-124624 Thu, 31 May 2012 19:10:23 +0000 Thor 124624@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The profile picture is of a she, but I guess the text is ambivalent. She goes on to mention Narnia in her spiel; disturbing in a 34 year old.</p> <p>“...<em>to Realise the inner fairytale<br /> likes to win with humility &amp; inspire the Mystery<br /> knows that love is about giving &amp; laughing at the hard Work of it all<br /> teasing the Fantasy into the ordinary<br /> Craves crazy walks &amp; nights in the open air to spending duvet days watching film over a Banquet of food<br /> I'm in this for Keeps not the endless text games of battle]</p> <p>My ideal next few turns of the globe....to meet someone who can love again, with all their heart without the fragmented history that dulls our new wakings. Who wants to travel Narnian style/build treehouses &amp; play philosophical Pooh sticks till twilight falls... Then have a minimalist flat in the heart of London &amp; if lucky a home submerged in green to get the best balance man can dream of"</em></p> <p>I wonder if she’s related to that ‘back up your brain’ lass. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536#post-124623 Thu, 31 May 2012 19:09:31 +0000 Al OPecia 124623@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I particularly like "Masked Balls".</p> <p>Is it Samantha Brick? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536#post-124622 Thu, 31 May 2012 18:40:14 +0000 shitsu_tonka 124622@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>How do you know it's a she? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536#post-124619 Thu, 31 May 2012 18:02:29 +0000 waylandsmithy 124619@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>She sounds like a fucking nightmare. Talk about high maintenance, good luck getting her to agree to a fortnight at Butlins. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43536#post-124616 Thu, 31 May 2012 16:51:24 +0000 Thor 124616@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>THe following is culled from a Guardian dating website:<br /> <em>Who I'm looking for</p> <p>Not looking for one night of forgetful bliss... but many nights of getting to know the world through one anothers eyes.</p> <p>Can talk forever or enjoy the sexy silence. Intelligence. Raw sense of humour. Has a need for constant adventure. Masked Balls. Countryside weekends away in boutique hotels. Mid night film screenings at the IMAX. Exploring ruined castles to warm seas. Is looking for an amazing relationship to inwardly inspire greatness.</em></p> <p>Now... masked balls. I know they’re not the most photogenic things in the world, but I’m not making mine wear a mask for anyone. </p>