http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43531 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 10:37:20 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43531#post-124755 Fri, 01 Jun 2012 13:48:48 +0000 DrTurmoil 124755@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks guys! Yes, Jane fell off the wagon before, but a few more details were provided in this report that I felt the world needed to know. Cheers! Hic! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43531#post-124615 Thu, 31 May 2012 16:45:06 +0000 Oxbridge 124615@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ya fu-, ya fu-, I bloody LOVE this one ah do. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43531#post-124611 Thu, 31 May 2012 16:19:00 +0000 dvo4fun 124611@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>".. finally escorted from the premises after collapsing midway through giving the vicar a non-consensual lap dance." gets 5 from me</p> <p>mind you I have just finissshed the third large one of the evening </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43531#post-124601 Thu, 31 May 2012 13:53:49 +0000 medici2471 124601@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Stars before the eyes in any event **** </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43531#post-124593 Thu, 31 May 2012 12:26:25 +0000 beau-jolly 124593@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very true Medic but no-one commented then.<br /> This recycling is probably very good for the environment and only slightly less lazy than people like me who fail to sub anything in the first place - or did I? I'll have to trawl the archive. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43531#post-124591 Thu, 31 May 2012 11:39:56 +0000 medici2471 124591@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Will Jane never learn? She fell off the wagon in similar circumstances a couple of years ago didn't she?! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43531#post-124588 Thu, 31 May 2012 11:16:34 +0000 DrTurmoil 124588@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The decision of 33-year-old Jane Hughes to refuse an alcoholic drink at a do for her parents' 40th wedding anniversary sparked widespread speculation among aunts and other female relations that she was finally about to start a family. However, sources suggest Hughes's vague references to being on antibiotics for an undisclosed medical condition were not a sign of early pregnancy, but instead a cover for the fact she was at her first public engagement since a 2 week stint in rehab.</p> <p>“I’d never known Jane not to have a glass in her hand," observed auntie Betty, "Put that together with the fact she certainly isn’t getting any younger and always moans about her career, it seems a dead cert she's up the duff.” In a private conversation Hughes's cousin, Vicky Mills, supported Betty's theory, also noting that Hughes "was clearly beginning to show".</p> <p>As the evening went on, however, the constant raised eyebrows at the family dipsomaniac’s requests for orange juice - and friendly encouragement that just a sip of bubbly wouldn’t do any harm - led the recovering boozehound to fall dramatically off the wagon. One sip soon became three bottles of prosecco, and saw Hughes kissing close relatives on the lips for slightly too long, and dancing to the music of a mobile disco that hadn't yet started. </p> <p>Hughes then made an emotional speech congratulating her parents on making their marriage last, despite the constant atmosphere of bitterness and despair in their home, and the fact that pair of them had shagged virtually every non-blood relative at the party. She then berated assembled guests for insensitively spreading pregnancy rumours when her dear poor husband was "obviously a jaffa", and was finally escorted from the premises after collapsing midway through giving the vicar a non-consensual lap dance.</p> <p>"Shocking behaviour for a woman in her condition" commented auntie Betty. </p>