http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43328 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Tue, 21 May 2013 21:12:21 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43328#post-124254 Mon, 28 May 2012 06:25:51 +0000 arthurminnit 124254@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>i got exactly the same reply when i asked if i could shit on her chest and rub it in.<br /> true, im not dying, but you must admit , i AM very sick. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43328#post-124095 Fri, 25 May 2012 17:58:34 +0000 JohnA 124095@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'd give it four knuckles rather than five... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43328#post-124091 Fri, 25 May 2012 17:21:34 +0000 Mandy Lifeboat 124091@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Shouldn't Mackworth be referred to by its proper title of Smackworth... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43328#post-124084 Fri, 25 May 2012 15:53:06 +0000 cinquecento 124084@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>the late Michael Jackson would have helped out a dying teenager whther they wanted it or not. It's why he wore that single glove.. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43328#post-124083 Fri, 25 May 2012 15:50:32 +0000 Oxbridge 124083@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>How dare you sir? I'm 49 and will be for quite a few years yet. I picked Leicester at random. I'll have a go at rejigging this. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43328#post-124067 Fri, 25 May 2012 13:58:50 +0000 beau-jolly 124067@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A sniffy little point:<br /> I know Liecester isn't Oxbridge but it is a decent place and is where genetic finger printing was developed among other things. If you want to poke fun then a "new" university would be more appropriate such as Derby University (formerly Mackworth Tech.) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43328#post-124053 Fri, 25 May 2012 12:53:32 +0000 nostra da mouse 124053@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I take VCG's point about the age, you wouldn't be about 57 by any chance would you Oxbridge? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43328#post-124046 Fri, 25 May 2012 12:27:21 +0000 Psycadelic Squirrel 124046@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I wonder what celebs would give a hand job to a dying person? Reckon the Cheeky Girls would, both at the same time aswell probably. Probably not Posh, but reckon Ginger would give it a bash. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43328#post-124036 Fri, 25 May 2012 11:40:33 +0000 JonnyJP 124036@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"Professor of Dappy From N Dubz Studies at the University of Leicester"</p> <p>Loved that line but how about putting the word university in quotes, just to twist the knife a bit more </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43328#post-124035 Fri, 25 May 2012 11:34:52 +0000 ianslat 124035@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it. Can you get the Tulisa (her X-Factor replacement) sex-tape in there too? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43328#post-123982 Thu, 24 May 2012 19:38:42 +0000 Thor 123982@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I’ll give it five (snigger). </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43328#post-123975 Thu, 24 May 2012 19:00:45 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 123975@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think this is a great idea, but for me the story doesn't quite live up to its potential. I don't think the euphemisms really add to it either, it might actually work better if it was more explicit. And I think it would work better if it was a younger fan too.</p> <p>'Who does she think she is? She wouldn't be where she was today if it wasn't for her fans. You'd think that the least she could do is toss off a dying teenage boy to show her appreciation. I certainly won't be buying any more of her music, and I've a good mind to find somebody else to wank over too.'</p> <p>How about dragging the Make a Wish foundation into it too? He could sue them for not granting his wish, and they could respond by saying they try to make dreams come true, but don't actually have the power to force celebrities to perform sex acts against their will. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43328#post-123973 Thu, 24 May 2012 17:24:32 +0000 Oxbridge 123973@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>As he fought his last battle with bowel cancer, 57-year-old Swindon accounts manager Raymond Carruthers always knew what his last wish was for: 'I want a hand job off Cheryl Cole. That would be the ultimate happy finish', he said. Alas, it was not to be his family are now slating the 'callous' Geordie songbird for letting Carruthers die in misery.</p> <p>'We emailed her management - no answer. We rang the X-Factor office - they just sniggered,' said Carruthers' grieving brother Brian. 'A quick tug was all my brother wanted but Little Miss Hoity-Toity the nation's sweetheart is obviously too busy to bother about her fans these days. Raymond loved her, even though he was first diagnosed in 2002 when Girls Aloud were formed. That might be a coincidence, of course, I'm just saying.'</p> <p>According to analysts, Cole's attitude is symptomatic of an alarming decline in the willingness of pop stars to meet their followers' heartfelt wishes over the past 50 years. A recent report by Charles Murray-Jones, Professor of Dappy From N Dubz Studies at the University of Leicester, noted that the Rolling Stones combined had sex with over 200 groupies on one three-week tour in 1968. 'Today, the likes of Justin Bieber can't even manage one,' said Murray-Jones sadly.</p> <p>Brian Davison remains unable to accept Cole's excuse for not battling the purple yogurt slinger. 'A nice smile and a quick tug was all he wanted. Oh, and a cheerleader outfit. I bet she wasn't so picky for Mr Ashley la-de-da Cole. What did he have that my brother didn't? Other than a multi-million pound mansion, ten Bentleys, a well-ripped six pack and the ability to maintain an erection.'</p> <p>Not all celebrities are quite so selfish when it comes to painting the flag pole, however. When she heard of Raymond's plight, Katie Price volunteered to drive over to the hospice, oil herself up milk the lizard in and stream it live on her website. 'Unfortunately she wanted to sing as well,' said Brian. 'And we didn't want anything to finish off poor Raymond ahead of her time. But it was a nice thought all the same.' </p>