http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 15:25:24 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123772 Wed, 23 May 2012 08:11:34 +0000 Sinnick 123772@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"Where's Papa going with that axe?"</p> <p>Charlotte's Web, by E B White - a story for young children, apparently </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123737 Tue, 22 May 2012 21:20:05 +0000 Mr Target 123737@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Caro-Kann </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123733 Tue, 22 May 2012 19:03:50 +0000 JohnA 123733@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Alas Riesler, not the original.</p> <p><blockquote>"It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.” — Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, <em>Paul Clifford</em> (1830)</blockquote> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123714 Tue, 22 May 2012 15:18:56 +0000 Nails UK 123714@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"When a day that you happen to know is Wednesday starts off by sounding like Sunday, there is something seriously wrong somewhere."<br /> <em>John Wyndham, The Day of the Triffids</em> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123677 Tue, 22 May 2012 11:40:07 +0000 Haywood Manley 123677@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'It always starts the same way. I am in the garden airing my terrapin Jetta when he walks past my gate, that mysterious man in black.'</p> <p>Ulrich Haarbürste's Novel of Roy Orbison in Clingfilm - possibly the funniest book in the English language. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123654 Tue, 22 May 2012 08:27:06 +0000 riesler 123654@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"It was a dark and stormy night ..." (Snoopy) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123614 Mon, 21 May 2012 19:00:38 +0000 Gerontius 123614@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>From Clee to heaven the beacon burns<br /> The shires have seen it plain<br /> From north and south the sign returns<br /> And beacons burn again </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123604 Mon, 21 May 2012 17:47:25 +0000 Tomfinger 123604@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You could be accused of Dombing down the debate Mr Crow. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123595 Mon, 21 May 2012 17:29:52 +0000 Crow 123595@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'Dombey sat in the corner of the darkened room in the great armchair by the bedside, and Son lay tucked up warm in a little basket bedstead, carefully disposed on a low settee immediately in front of the fire and close to it, as if his constitution were analogous to that of a muffin, and it was essential to toast him brown while he was very new.<br /> Dombey was about eight-and-forty years of age. Son about eight-and-forty minutes...</p> <p>Dickens' Dombie and Son, of course. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123555 Mon, 21 May 2012 12:40:54 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 123555@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"In the beginning, there was nothing, which exploded"</p> <p>Terry Pratchett. I forget which book. It might not even be the first line, but I think it is. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123554 Mon, 21 May 2012 12:38:00 +0000 Scroat 123554@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ages ago, Alex, Allen and Alva arrived at Antibes, and Alva allowing all, allowing anyone, against Alex's admonition, against Allen's angry assertion: another African amusement . . . anyhow, as all argued, an awesome African army assembled and arduously advanced against an African anthill, assiduously annihilating ant after ant, and afterward, Alex astonishingly accuses Albert as also accepting Africa's antipodal ant annexation.</p> <p>Walter Abish, Alphabetical Africa</p> <p>Absolute b*llocks </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123545 Mon, 21 May 2012 11:55:24 +0000 Tomfinger 123545@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road and this moocow that was coming down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby tuckoo...</p> <p>I got a bit bored with it after that</p> <p>(Portrait of the Artist) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123529 Mon, 21 May 2012 10:40:10 +0000 Sinnick 123529@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Last hotel I went to only had 1 book. Not many laughs in it, frankly. It was a rather confused and very inconsistent plot. That's the trouble with delegating a story to be written by committee. And you'll never <em>believe</em> how tacky the story began ...</p> <p>"In the beginning ..."</p> <p>I won't be reading that one again. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123522 Mon, 21 May 2012 09:57:57 +0000 kimllfixit 123522@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I go on holiday in a couple of weeks, where I will no doubt be blessed with a bunch of unwanted Mills &amp; Boon books on the hotel shelves. I will report back with any classic opening lines, such as "He was some kind of sexual predator, warming his palms on the bulge in his jeans". Ok, that one doesn't exist, but I bet there's something similar out there. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123520 Mon, 21 May 2012 09:53:15 +0000 Golgo13 123520@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Possible copy for a perfume ad.</p> <p>"It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.<br /> It was the age of Wisdom. It was the age of Foolishness.</p> <p>Two Cities</p> <p>By Dickens." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123516 Mon, 21 May 2012 09:32:20 +0000 waylandsmithy 123516@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Scroat, that's a very confused basis for a book. Couldn't he make his bloody mind up? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123510 Mon, 21 May 2012 09:11:46 +0000 Scroat 123510@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.</p> <p>Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123451 Sun, 20 May 2012 20:44:37 +0000 waylandsmithy 123451@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The doctor said I was a paranoid schizophrenic. Well, he didn't actually <em>say </em>it. But <em>we </em>knew he was thinking it.</p> <p>Dance of the Voodoo Handbag, Robert Rankin. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123446 Sun, 20 May 2012 19:37:17 +0000 JohnA 123446@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Often great novels have great first lines that stick in the memory. Its one of those trivia things to name a book just from its first line like:</p> <p>"It was love at first sight"</p> <p>The opposite would be the "Bulwer-Lytton fiction contest" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123445 Sun, 20 May 2012 19:20:22 +0000 Thor 123445@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>On top of it all, the cancer wing was 'number thirteen'. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123444 Sun, 20 May 2012 19:18:54 +0000 The All New Jeni B 123444@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Shitsu, I second your proposal.<br /> Stunts, that is a rather neat opening.</p> <p>I really must start reading something other than law books soon, I've almost forgotten what reading for enjoyment is. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123436 Sun, 20 May 2012 17:50:41 +0000 allmyownstunts 123436@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Touched a nerve here, Deev. My favourite opening line is this chapter opening on page 151 of David Nicholls' 'The Understudy.' It gets so much information across so neatly:</p> <p>"Nora Shulz was seven years into her career as a professional waitress when Josh Harper snapped his fingers at her for the first, and last, time." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123435 Sun, 20 May 2012 17:43:05 +0000 allmyownstunts 123435@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"It was the day my grandmother exploded."</p> <p>Ian Banks, The Crow Road </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123430 Sun, 20 May 2012 16:33:28 +0000 shitsu_tonka 123430@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><em>"Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea."</em></p> <p>Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123429 Sun, 20 May 2012 16:32:48 +0000 Tristan Shout 123429@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Someone must have been telling lies about Joseph K., for without having done anything wrong he was arrested one fine morning </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43152#post-123427 Sun, 20 May 2012 16:29:18 +0000 dvo4fun 123427@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Whilst on me hol's I borrowed [actually I brought it home with me] a copy of 'Encore Provence' by Peter Mayle, from the holiday location library. I would like to propose the opening paragraph:</p> <p>"I think it was the sight of a man power-washing his underpants that really brought home the differences, cultural and otherwise, between the old worl and the new"</p> <p>as a contender in 'The Best Opening Lines' competition. If there is such. </p>