http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42950 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 20 Jun 2013 02:16:34 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42950#post-122832 Tue, 15 May 2012 22:03:26 +0000 Golgo13 122832@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Only one flavour of crisps. (paprika). </p> <p>Not trying to be funny. That's just the way it is in Germany. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42950#post-122824 Tue, 15 May 2012 19:57:26 +0000 quango 122824@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think it is really well versed, although I don't quite understand why you referenced having a wank at lunch. Whatever gets the creative juices going... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42950#post-122807 Tue, 15 May 2012 16:52:55 +0000 Ian 122807@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I find the xenophobic label personally offensive, I am much more comfortable with being called eurosceptic. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42950#post-122806 Tue, 15 May 2012 16:15:06 +0000 Sinnick 122806@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Quite a while since I've been there, but I remember the diet being "Wiener Schnitzel und Sauerkraut" everywhere (ie, tough veal or pork chop and mouldy cabbage), and Frankfurters for takeaway.</p> <p>Incidentally, after WWII, didn't we give them a few sacks of money as compensation - I'm still not quite sure who actually won in the end. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42950#post-122803 Tue, 15 May 2012 16:00:54 +0000 beau-jolly 122803@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Due to ancient laws the German diet consists entirely of bread, beer and sausages, except during October when the diet consists entirely of beer.<br /> Flatulance is compulsory on exiting the autobahn.<br /> It is perfectly acceptable to wear a helmet at work as long as it has a big metal spike in the top. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42950#post-122802 Tue, 15 May 2012 15:56:18 +0000 cinquecento 122802@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>and we have never returned their royal family.. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42950#post-122801 Tue, 15 May 2012 15:53:20 +0000 Thor 122801@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I hope it’s not too xenophobic; after all, it’s us Brits who come out of it quite badly - drunken, German baiting, concentration camps, etc. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42950#post-122785 Tue, 15 May 2012 14:15:36 +0000 medici2471 122785@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great xenophobic stuff ****. But I'm now getting banner ads for Churchill War Rooms and Military history based holidays </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42950#post-122778 Tue, 15 May 2012 13:34:25 +0000 Thor 122778@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hi, Ian,<br /> nice one; I don’t know enough about Germany to be that specific. Hope others can make this funny. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42950#post-122772 Tue, 15 May 2012 13:13:34 +0000 Ian 122772@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I like it, I would like to see some regional references.</p> <p>The city of Regensburg is in Bavaria and is located at the confluence of the Danube and Regen rivers, on the northernmost bend in the Danube. It is conveniently close to the border and if you leave early to avoid the traffic then in no time at all you can be rolling through the Czech countryside in your panzer tank. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42950#post-122770 Tue, 15 May 2012 12:59:19 +0000 Thor 122770@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>An idiot’s guide to ...Germany.<br /> Germany is for many an ideal holiday destination, indeed, ask anyone over the age of 80 and they’ll tell you it’s unmissable. </p> <p>Much of Northern Germany consists of industrial areas or bleak agricultural landscapes and is not so different to the English Midlands, but with slightly fewer Nazis.</p> <p>The Southern areas of Germany are mountainous and beautiful, and the women wear delightful folk costumes that make you think of mountains without looking out of the window.</p> <p>German people are renowned for their robust and earthy sense of humour, and nothing delights them more than British tourists who, after a small glass of schnapps, will goose-step up and down the street, shouting “Heil Hitler,” “you started it” and blowing raspberries before bursting into a rousing chorus of ‘two world wars and one world cup.’</p> <p>German people have a frank and open attitude to sex and the human body, and it will not be difficult to see naked Germans disporting themselves at the beach, in the saunas or at the health spas. Unfortunately, due to a national cuisine that consists exclusively of meat, the beautiful young ones are a rarity, as by the time they hit 28 they all look like Helmut Kohl. Do not be tempted, however, to try harpooning one, no matter how much it resembles a whale - the police take a dim view of this, and German police stations have special rooms in the basement ‘that haven’t been used much lately’ but are kept for exactly this kind of situation.</p> <p>Germans have a keen sense of their great history and are ever keen to discuss their nationalistic and militaristic past with you, gleefully pointing out how the battle of Waterloo was the only time in history a German has been late for anything, and how Germans have a long and proud history of taking British ideas and perfecting them, like concentration camps, chemical warfare and genocide. </p> <p>However, modern Germany has developed into a liberal, tolerant nation; one which has adapted Clauswitz’s maxim and now practices ‘economics as <strike>war</strike> state-policy by diplomatic means’ and, having embraced multi-culturalism, the Germans are keen to please their large Turkish minority by dishing the Greeks. </p> <p>The ideal time to travel in Germany is early September, as, by tradition, this is when most Germans leave their crowded cities and head east for the open spaces of Poland and Russia.</p> <p>Essential vocabulary for tourists: putsch, one ball, synagogue, dam-busters, Tobruk, El-Alamein, Dresden, Spitfire, Lancaster, Beckenbauer, Schumaker, 1966, 5-1.</p> <p>Knocked off in lunchbreak; feel free to adapt. </p>