http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41877 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 20 Jun 2013 08:32:51 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41877#post-119841 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 18:28:44 +0000 kga6 119841@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yep some good ones in here. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41877#post-119815 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 15:24:54 +0000 The All New Jeni B 119815@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Look, this is blatantly anti-dyspraxic, and as a dyspraxic Taurean I take great excepti...ouch!</p> <p>Stars, but keep the pointy bits covered in that soft, padded wrapping stuff.</p> <p>A person could hurt themselves if they fell on the...oh fuck... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41877#post-119798 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 13:55:12 +0000 Qoxiivi 119798@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks new person. That's really kind of you. You seem ace. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41877#post-119797 Mon, 23 Apr 2012 13:54:27 +0000 inconspicuous newbie 119797@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wow, this is really funny. I can't believe I missed this. You're really funny Qoxiivi. This should appear in some location on the website is what I think. There looks like there's some space for it on the left-hand side of the homepage somewhere. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41877#post-119520 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 22:26:00 +0000 FlashArry 119520@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good reason to be pleased - laugh out loud funny : excellent alert candidate ! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41877#post-119512 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 21:07:57 +0000 Qoxiivi 119512@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yeah, the last one was kind of the punchline. I'll be honest, I'm pretty pleased with this; regardless of the meanie that gave it two stars. Actually though, if you really want to give the impression a post is shit, two stars is the way to go. One star could just be dismissed as someone being a cunt, but two stars implies the piece has been read and dismissed as a poor attempt at an idea that <em>would</em> work, if only it had been done properly. So, anyway, top quality wumming that person. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41877#post-119511 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 20:14:38 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 119511@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Was just thinking it was about time we had some more left alert style subs.</p> <p>Love the last one. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41877#post-119496 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 17:21:16 +0000 Qoxiivi 119496@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Suggestions for amends/replacements welcome; some are definitely stronger than others. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41877#post-119480 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 16:16:53 +0000 Qoxiivi 119480@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Alright. I’m Ashley Young and this is my guide to what the coming week has in store for you.</p> <p><strong>Taurus</strong><br /> You’ll fall out of bed tomorrow morning, but when you tell people in an attempt to garner sympathy no one will believe it wasn't intentional. Things will carry on like this for the rest of the day. Try to avoid furniture.</p> <p><strong>Gemini</strong><br /> A chance visit to a children’s swimming pool will test your self-restrain to breaking point and end in a broken nose, plus a lecture about ‘rules’ and ‘appropriate conduct’ from another man in shorts with a whistle.</p> <p><strong>Cancer</strong><br /> Your boss will have a word with you about all the falling over you’ve been doing at work lately. He’ll tell you it’s ok to fall over when you really need to (like that time you won the Henderson contract with a persuasive PowerPoint presentation delivered half on the floor) but at the moment you’re all over the place and people are starting to talk.</p> <p><strong>Leo</strong><br /> When close friends announce the arrival of a new baby, your initial joy will soon be replaced with anxiety and foreboding after they invite you to the christening. Wear iron wellingtons and attach two enormous helium balloons to your shoulders.</p> <p><strong>Virgo</strong><br /> Your worst nightmare appears to have come true after your wife books the pair of you in for some line-dancing lessons. The evening will actually pass without incident and you’ll have a pretty good time.</p> <p><strong>Libra</strong><br /> After a good start to the week, things will start to go downhill and so will you. Avoid gradients and try and wear something soft like a fat coat; preferably a high-visibility one so the ref can see you.</p> <p><strong>Scorpio</strong><br /> A routine trip to your local Waitrose this Sunday will throw your entire world into turmoil as you fall over in every single one of the 300 or so little lined boxes in the car park. This will take hours and attract quite a crowd.</p> <p><strong>Sagittarius</strong><br /> You’ll see one of those accident lawyer adverts on TV and it’ll give you a great idea for a company that gets compensation for people who haven’t had an accident at work that was their fault.</p> <p><strong>Capricorn</strong><br /> The video entitled ‘OMG, look at this cunt! lol’ you put up on youtube that showed a man perpetually falling over in a Waitrose car park will go viral. You will, however, be wracked with guilt as you know full well that always falling over for no discernible reason is a miserable existence.</p> <p><strong>Aquarius</strong><br /> This week will see you take the practice of ‘gaining competitive advantage through the medium of falling over’ to new levels as you trip, stagger, stumble and collapse your way to the EuroMillions jackpot win, a free holiday in the Maldives and the lead role in an Alan Ayckbourn play, set in a lift.</p> <p><strong>Pisces</strong><br /> A mixed bag as far as your love life is concerned, this week. Women will be falling over themselves to get your attention but, with you falling over yourself too it could get confusing. It’ll either end up as an orgy, or a fractured lateral malleolus.</p> <p><strong>Aries</strong><br /> With Jupiter and Saturn about to pass each other, even though they’re roughly 400 million miles apart, from our vantage point it’ll look to everyone and refs like there’s contact so one of them is bound to go down. Clear your diary. </p>