http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 17:13:37 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117501 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 08:34:30 +0000 godly1966 117501@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Don’t be so quick to criticize pandas, they might taste nice. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117429 Thu, 05 Apr 2012 20:54:12 +0000 borednow 117429@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Surely the Chinese have one of those sex potions that could work, you know powdered panda penis or dried panda testicle, oh hang on, I've not thought that through have I?<br /> Maybe it's that he's got a tiny cock or is gay. Maybe when a female panda says no the male panda respects the decision and goes to knock one out instead. I'm sure if google looked they'd have a search carried in the Edinburgh area for panda porn saved in their logs. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117422 Thu, 05 Apr 2012 20:41:17 +0000 Ironduke 117422@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It just needs a little thought. Here are my suggestions:</p> <p>1. Artificial insemination. Spawn millions of them and farm them either for their fur or for big game hunting. Until word got out that there was now a glut on the market, you could charge a huge premium to big game hunters and fashionistas. Once the exclusivity bubble burst, you could offload in bulk as high-end panda suits for children's entertainers.</p> <p>2. If artifical insemination doesn't catch on, then cross a zebra with a dalmatian for an ersatz replacement </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117412 Thu, 05 Apr 2012 19:53:28 +0000 waylandsmithy 117412@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Panda. And all the panda's family. Come the evolution, they'll be first against the wall. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117407 Thu, 05 Apr 2012 19:33:51 +0000 allmyownstunts 117407@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Pointless Pick 'em, I'll start:</p> <p>Panda v Prince Edward</p> <p>vote now... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117404 Thu, 05 Apr 2012 19:27:46 +0000 The All New Jeni B 117404@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Aye, sales of deep-fried bamboo have soared. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117392 Thu, 05 Apr 2012 18:51:04 +0000 riesler 117392@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>F*cking Pandas, coming over here, eating all our bamboo!</p> <p>... but to be fair Jeni, they <em>have</em> doubled Scotland's fibre consumption. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117375 Thu, 05 Apr 2012 17:00:10 +0000 The All New Jeni B 117375@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It's only a matter of time before the Daily Mail run a feature on how pandas are basically to blame for everything from immigration and cancer to falling house prices and the economy... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117367 Thu, 05 Apr 2012 16:25:53 +0000 waylandsmithy 117367@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You're right, JohnA. They're basically spongers. I think we ought to be getting a little more from them, it's not good enough to sit around all day, munching on hand-outs. They're basically a drain on our resources, I'm surprised the government hasn't forced them to stack shelves in Tescos.</p> <p>I expect they've secretly had dozens of kids, but they've all been taken into care because the mother can't be arsed to look after them.</p> <p>Fuck you, pandas. I see through your lies. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117365 Thu, 05 Apr 2012 16:17:26 +0000 JohnA 117365@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>If there's a symbol of how environmentalists waste money, then keeping pandas from going extinct is certainly it. The reason why WWF has a panda on its symbol is because pandas are unfit to survive on their own, and their only hope is that they look cute.</p> <p>There are plenty of animals that I am deeply sorry have gone extinct including the mammoth, the sabre-toothed tiger, the Tasmanian tiger, the marsupial lion, the Tyrannosaurus Rex, the dodo, the Great Auk and the Moa.</p> <p>But not pandas. All we're doing is making pandas more dependent on us, until eventually the species can't survive in the wild on its own. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117356 Thu, 05 Apr 2012 14:55:38 +0000 beau-jolly 117356@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><img src="http://www.deanguitars.com/userpics/lib3/pandas.jpg"></p> <p>Yeh! Pandas rock!</p> <p>Apparently aya-ayes shag for an hour while hanginig upside down. They could teach the panda a thing or two. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117352 Thu, 05 Apr 2012 14:43:31 +0000 cinquecento 117352@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Shitsu - I saw several of them in real life in Chiang Mai zoo. Have to say they are gobsmackingly appealing and pretty much play up to stereotype to the extent that I did wonder whether they were Thai zoo assistants in panda costumes following a script. In either event I'd have happily shagged one from the pure joie de vivre they inspired in me. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117347 Thu, 05 Apr 2012 14:02:43 +0000 Scronnyglonkle 117347@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>What ever happend to the two Panda's that used to be on "Who dares wins" on Channel 4 </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117197 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 19:42:58 +0000 godly1966 117197@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Can’t see what the problem is, it’s all there in front of them in black and white. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117193 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 19:29:53 +0000 Runestone Cowboy 117193@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I saw an aye-aye, that was on Jersey. Very awesome indeed, a model of incredible, highly specialised evolution.</p> <p>I wouldn't piss on a panda if it was on fire. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117189 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 19:22:53 +0000 shitsu_tonka 117189@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Has anyone seen a panda in real life? Maybe it's like a lot of great art, until you've actually gone nose-to-nose with it you can't appreciate the wonder.</p> <p>Was going to have a jaunt to Scottish Land to see the black 'n' white beasties but for some reason it's cheaper to visit anywhere else up to and including the moon than have a tartan vacation. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117155 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 17:15:04 +0000 beau-jolly 117155@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>There was something on the beeb site explaining the problem. As there is only a small window of opportunity, in the wild all the likely lads queue up and get all excited (I imagine they employ a "fluffer"). Testosterone levels are way up and the fittest gets to jump her. That's Darwin for you.<br /> In captivity he just looks up from stuffing himself and thinks, "She's let herself go a bit".<br /> I'm paraphrasing of course.</p> <p>The solution then is not to let them spend time together but to employ an army of people in panda suits telling Chi Chi that they are going to shag his bird. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117152 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 16:48:46 +0000 The All New Jeni B 117152@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>But they're CYOOOOTT!!! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117149 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 16:31:20 +0000 waylandsmithy 117149@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Pandas are omnivores, capable of eating high-energy animal carcasses. But being fussy little twats, they choose to eat bamboo shoots, and live in a permanent state of near-starvation.</p> <p>They have to eat for 12 hours a day just to gain enough energy to process the food.</p> <p>Pandas are excellent at climbing, but really shit at getting back down again. This coupled with their awful diet means they often starve to death at the tops of trees. </p> <p>Also, when the particular bamboo species that they like fails on a regular cycle, they're too picky to eat anything else.</p> <p>I saw a documentary once where a panda tore the leg off a dead deer and ate the bloody thing whole; hoof, bone, knee and everything. Then it was back to crappy bamboo. </p> <p>We should wipe them out as a matter of principle. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117117 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 14:33:13 +0000 beau-jolly 117117@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hard to manage it when there are loads of people watching, unless you are at a party and off your tits and don't realise that everyone's coats are on the bed and she's your mate's girlfriend, later to be his wife... but that was a very, very long time ago. Sorry, where was I? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117115 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 14:25:34 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 117115@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I don't think the pressure that they're under to perform is helping. It looks like they have been given a good kicking for not getting it right. You seen the black eyes on them?</p> <p>I'll get my coat. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41082#post-117113 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 14:20:52 +0000 ianslat 117113@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Is it too controversial to say that if pandas are that crap at reproducing then evolution dictates they should become extinct.</p> <p>They failed to do the deed yesterday because her tail got in the way at the last second for god's sake! </p>