http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4106 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 22 May 2013 07:19:10 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4106#post-12227 Wed, 12 May 2010 14:14:21 +0000 The All New Jeni B 12227@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>When Mr B and I had not long started courting, his mum gave us tickets to see a Queen tribute band.</p> <p>Thinking that it would be rude to decline the tickets, along we went.<br /> To a large concert hall filled with every social misfit for miles around.</p> <p>Finding ourselves surrounded by bad perms, dodgy 'taches and too much lycra of too many overweight middle aged people, we got the giggles. Although this may have been from the bolstering dooby we shared before hand.</p> <p>When all around us got to their feet to dance and sing along, Mr B and I remained rooted to our seats by a combination of fear and horror.</p> <p>I was hauled up by the Bet Lynch look-a-like beside me, while Mr B had Lily Savage on his other side grab him for a dance.</p> <p>The interval couldn't arrive quickly enough for us.</p> <p>We actually <em>sneaked</em> out, sliding along walls, and hiding behind pillars in the hope that no-one would see us and make us go back in.</p> <p>The biggest problem was trying to look delighted when Mrs B Snr asked us if we had had a good time.</p> <p>And then, she bought us tickets again the next year.... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4106#post-12224 Wed, 12 May 2010 14:01:46 +0000 Basil_B 12224@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I remember avoiding an Elvis impersonator concert a couple of years thanks to Mrs Baz coming down with tonsilitis the night before.<br /> I clearly remember the false enthusiasm I had to put on in order for me to pretend I was actually going to enjoy it. Mrs Baz's friend was organising it and we were both going to show willing and support for her new enterprise as a promoter of small concerts.<br /> I wouldn't wish illness on anyone especially the good wife but on that occasion it saved me from a night of absolute torture at the hands of some chronic pub singer murdering 'blue suede shoes, jailhouse rock etc etc<br /> Mrs Baz graciously gave me permission to go on my own if I wanted but of course being the dutiful husband I had to stay at home to look after her. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4106#post-11672 Sun, 09 May 2010 22:33:18 +0000 MrChigleysAunt 11672@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well, I survived.<br /> The audience was mixed and quite a few seemed to be there as part of their therapy. But there were far fewer beards than I expected. The reason was, I think, that it was more celticish folk music than English so, as Skylarking says, no finger-in-ear folderoldering down to market one sunny morn. The interval came fairly quickly, which is a good sign. But, by that time, I was beginning to think that I'd been listening to the same song for the last hour or so.<br /> I guess a good female voice, backed by quality musicians can't ever be all bad. But, as you may have gathered, it was the "hugely engaging Yorkshire wit" that I was particularly dreading. And I was right. My stomach got into knots of embarrassment each time she told an anecdote or introduced a song. She seems a genuinely nice person but she has the easy charm of Gordon Brown. She kept congratulating the audience on the quality of our singing. But I'm pretty sure that no-one so much as hummed during the whole evening.<br /> Cyril and Bunty enjoyed it, which was pretty much the whole idea. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4106#post-11638 Sun, 09 May 2010 17:53:02 +0000 The All New Jeni B 11638@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sauce, just to clarify, that's Michelle Pfeiffer in the catwoman outfit not me.</p> <p>Thanks for confusing me with someone truly gorgeous though! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4106#post-11636 Sun, 09 May 2010 17:41:13 +0000 PluckyMunky 11636@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Mr Aunt, perhaps you could use the 'sandwich' approach to breaking bad news. First, you say there is bad news on the way; you follow that with the news and then follow through with something more positive. Thus:</p> <p>'Hi Cyril*, I've got really bad news. I have the direst shits possible and won't be able to make it, tonight. We are both really sorry. I thought that once this is over, me and Bunty* could take you both out to the Cafe de Posh. Listen...I have to go, I need to be in the bathroom. I'm touching cloth, here. Ring you very soon.'</p> <p>*Only use these names if they are the appropriate ones. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4106#post-11635 Sun, 09 May 2010 17:39:35 +0000 Skylarking 11635@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>yes, Kate Rusby is kwal-i-tee. And not too finger-in-ear trad. You'll enjoy. No, really! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4106#post-11633 Sun, 09 May 2010 17:04:13 +0000 Scroat 11633@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hey - you might actually enjoy it. She good. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4106#post-11630 Sun, 09 May 2010 16:38:07 +0000 brownpaperreporter 11630@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The answer is simple. Wear a Southampton football shirt openly when you get there. The police will obviously think you are bewildered and will shelter you in a local station free of charge thus avoiding said folk quandry</p> <p>That will be £20. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4106#post-11629 Sun, 09 May 2010 16:19:23 +0000 MrChigleysAunt 11629@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Rikkor - Rent sounds rather like the works of Thomas Hardy. They followed me through school and university - particularly Tess of the Bloody D'Urbervilles.</p> <p>Oh, and the concert is in Portsmouth. So, if you don't hear from me again, I've probably been eaten or something. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4106#post-11626 Sun, 09 May 2010 16:14:19 +0000 antharrison 11626@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ask her why she left the Fivepenny Piece. She'll like that. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4106#post-11619 Sun, 09 May 2010 14:52:57 +0000 sauce 11619@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>Dana? Is she still going? I fell in love with her as a child when I saw her as Snow White in pantomime. </blockquote></p> <p>Yes, she's still going and, to be honest (and rather ruin my grumpy old woman rant) I thought she was lovely as a person and an excellent performer ("We're a bit thin on the ground - they must have been very select who they let in tonight. Hello darling [to a bloke of about 90] I see I've some lovely fans here tonight. I love you all." etc etc). Her voice ain't much these days, though, and the music never was (not for a Clash fan)</p> <p>Stunts ... they used that very line for one of the songs at the Dana gig ...</p> <p>Jeni, I am a wee bit too old and not quite as drop dead gorgeous as yourself. Else I'd give it a go with enthusiasm. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4106#post-11610 Sun, 09 May 2010 13:41:04 +0000 rikkor 11610@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I was foced to go see "Rent" one time. After three hours of hell, I was somwhat comforted by the fact that I would never have to suffer through it again. Wrong. I was forced to go again with a client several years later. Excruciating. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4106#post-11605 Sun, 09 May 2010 13:25:07 +0000 allmyownstunts 11605@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This could be a very old line but at my darlings' school concert last week one young performer had me barking with laughter by saying: 'oh, and if you know the words and want to join in and clap or sing along, please don't because you'll ruin the whole thing.' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4106#post-11603 Sun, 09 May 2010 13:07:25 +0000 The All New Jeni B 11603@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You and Mrs CA could people watch and then make up biogs for the people you're watching.</p> <p>You lucky devils. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4106#post-11599 Sun, 09 May 2010 13:02:20 +0000 MrChigleysAunt 11599@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Dana? Is she still going? I fell in love with her as a child when I saw her as Snow White in pantomime. The mums sound the same as round here. My wife and I had exactly the same problem with the ballet mums in the thankfully short time that my daughter did ballet.<br /> But this doesn't solve my problem. Perhaps people-watching will provide some entertainment.<br /> My wife has just phoned the theatre on the offchance that they hadn't sold enough tickets. But apparently it's sold out and we're lucky to have tickets. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4106#post-11596 Sun, 09 May 2010 12:56:47 +0000 The All New Jeni B 11596@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>If drink and/or drugs are not an option, I'd suggest that you take a pack of cards or a travel board game. Play this during these anecdotes, preferably loudly. During the songs, sing lyrics of your own making to whichever tune springs to mind. Again do this loudly.</p> <p>Sauce, while I am quite certain that Maz would have handled things differently, I would have probably done much the same as you. I may also have cornered the group of dads, engaged them in blokey chat about cars delicately laced with enough flirtatious banter to piss off the mums, while necking a bottle of beer. At the end, I'd call loudly to the husband/partner of the most irritating mum, "Cheers for that (insert name). I'll give you a call to set that up during the week. Ciao!"</p> <p>You don't have to be setting anything up, or have their number, but it would really set the whatsit among the thingummys on their drive home. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4106#post-11593 Sun, 09 May 2010 12:38:03 +0000 sauce 11593@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>If you weren't driving I'd suggest a good dose of Valium or diazepam before the show. But as that's not possible, you might contemplate suicide.</p> <p>I did just about survive a Dana concert last week (my wee daughter was performing in a group of 12 local kids at the same gig) but my fingernails did not. Haven't bitten them since my teens but gnawed them nearly to my elbows during the evening as I sank lower and lower into misery. </p> <p>My daughter had been anxious for the first few rehersals because "All the others know each other" but she'd carried on, being a trouper and extremely sociable. Sitting next to the mummies of the other kids I discovered daughter was dead right. Not only did they all know one another, they were of the excessivly yummy variety and they were downright frosty at my plebian proximity. At the interval, I said "Hi" and was completely ignored, after the briefest glare. No doubt women of Maz or Jeni's calibre would have sorted them out but I resorted to buying a glass of wine and shuffling out to the verandah to phone Mr Sauce for sympathy (lacking: "You volunteered; no one forced you").</p> <p>At least you won't have the problem (I hope)of an almost empty hall, an audience who are all OAPs or mad (self in latter category) and being chirppily urged to clap and sing along. Did think it would be funy if she stuck the mic in my face as she trotted through the (less than) thronged isles as I don't know any of the words and I might have been tempted to say something rude. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4106#post-11570 Sun, 09 May 2010 09:21:34 +0000 MrChigleysAunt 11570@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It is a friend's birthday. To celebrate, my wife and I are going with him and his wife to see Kate Rusby in concert this evening. I'm not a fan of British folk music, but I'm fairly open to new experiences. However, I've just read that "her between-song stories and introductions are cut through with a hugely engaging Yorkshire wit."<br /> So, the full horror of what I am about to experience has hit me.<br /> Obviously, as it is a friend's birthday, there is no question of getting out of it, but any tips to help us get through the evening would be most welcome.<br /> Don't worry about my wife - she can fall back on alcohol. But I don't drink and, anyway, I'm driving.<br /> Oh, the horror. </p>