http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40639 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 22 May 2013 17:39:13 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40639#post-116075 Fri, 30 Mar 2012 10:11:53 +0000 Sinnick 116075@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>5* from me </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40639#post-116068 Fri, 30 Mar 2012 10:05:12 +0000 Qoxiivi 116068@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ouch. Didn’t see those. Time for a flounce? Almost, but not quite. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40639#post-115946 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 23:17:38 +0000 Alan Sundry 115946@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think we've had the same joke before, about a soldier who "wasn't popular and won't be missed" - that's probably what the 'derivative' tag is all about. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40639#post-115938 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 22:11:26 +0000 FlashArry 115938@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Quality stuff. Have I missed this as a front page ? If not, get back in there </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40639#post-115622 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 18:29:10 +0000 Haywood Manley 115622@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bad people never die. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40639#post-115609 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 17:34:35 +0000 Scronnyglonkle 115609@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent article sir very funny </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40639#post-115598 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 16:25:49 +0000 kga6 115598@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent. This probably happens regularly but the journalists refuse to write the article... Or the editor refuses to publish it... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40639#post-115594 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 16:06:42 +0000 Qoxiivi 115594@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well, although I like the idea, I thought it required too much work and wasn't an instant enough 'get' to be a ticker, but felt the joke itself could carry the weight of expansion. Nice Miliband piece btw. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40639#post-115593 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 15:58:53 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 115593@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I thought this headline felt familiar. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40639#post-115591 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 15:35:44 +0000 Psycadelic Squirrel 115591@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it. Maybe we need more trams to bring down the number of bastards. Just a thought. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40639#post-115590 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 15:30:31 +0000 Qoxiivi 115590@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers. The headline was a ticker I wrote months and months that I just decided to expand upon.</p> <p>Just seems that whenever someone gets killed, they were always the life and soul of the party who everyone loved and cherished. Surely there are some people who get tragically mangled by a tram or such that, actually, no one would miss as they were a bit of an unpleasant cunt? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40639#post-115570 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 14:17:59 +0000 beau-jolly 115570@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>What he said. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40639#post-115567 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 14:09:47 +0000 dvo4fun 115567@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely - unlike Wesley - </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40639#post-115541 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 12:20:20 +0000 Qoxiivi 115541@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A very annoying boy, who's been in a coma for the past three days, has made an unexpected recovery that doctors and his family are calling both 'miraculous' and 'just typical'.</p> <p>After having been run over whilst keying neighbours' cars, the medical consensus was that Wesley Driver, 14, would likely not pull through; leading to the family being inundated with messages from numerous 'oh well' wishers.</p> <p>'It's just nice to know we're not alone in our feelings towards our son.' said Wesley's father, Alan Driver, the day after the incident. 'Everyone has commented on the massive effect losing our 'surly and infuriating' son 'with one of those voices that just goes right through you' will have on the community.'</p> <p>'We were particularly moved by a limerick we received from the pensioner that Wesley liked to burp at from his moped.' he added.</p> <p>Rather embarrassingly though, a remarkable improvement in his condition occurred just hours after the family had called an early-morning press conference to announce the impending termination of his life-support, which was to be followed by 'a nice pub lunch if the weather holds up'.</p> <p>'It’s not the outcome that any of us were hoping for.' said Mrs Driver, fighting back the tears. 'It always seems to be 'kind, popular and happy-go-lucky' children with 'a life full of promise in front of them' that get cruelly struck down. Wesley's smile never lit up any rooms though. Unlike his passion for arson.'</p> <p>The couple are now planning to sue the hospital over 'promises not kept' and the resultant loss of income they were hoping to generate from renting out Wesley's room. However, a spokesperson for the hospital was defiant.</p> <p>'We have a duty to inform relatives of the worst-case scenario. In this instance it seems the Drivers let their optimism run away with them and took the likely prognosis, almost as a kind of guarantee. We maintain that we had absolutely no way of knowing, before treating him so expertly, that this child was such a dick.'</p> <p>The family, however, claim the hospital knew full well what Wesley was like, yet still chose to act in a way that prolonged their suffering.</p> <p>'You can tell from a mile off what he's like, he's just got one of those faces. I saw one nurse sneak in a quick slap after adjusting his drip and Alan heard a doctor refer to him as 'a smug, comatose waste of saline'. So, yes, they knew.'</p> <p>'Still, if we win our case then at least some good will have come out of all this.' she continued. 'Although my heart goes out to the lovely little girl we'd promised could have his kidneys.' </p>