http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=39956 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 14:41:40 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=39956#post-113846 Fri, 16 Mar 2012 14:22:38 +0000 Gerontius 113846@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This is for anybody who has not yet googled Rita Webb's fanny<br /> Just in case you were thinking of going there<br /> <a href="http://www.ritawebb.co.uk/films/confessions.htm" rel="nofollow">http://www.ritawebb.co.uk/films/confessions.htm</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=39956#post-113836 Fri, 16 Mar 2012 13:05:43 +0000 Mandy Lifeboat 113836@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great to see it alongside an advert for a 'dating single moms' web-site - marvellous comedy synergy... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=39956#post-113831 Fri, 16 Mar 2012 12:13:17 +0000 jp1885 113831@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>An FP - ooh ta!</p> <p>My Mojo came round yesterday, asking if it could doss down in the spare room. I woke up this morning and it had gone, taking my Nearest and Dearest DVD collection and candid photographs of Rita Webb with it... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=39956#post-113798 Fri, 16 Mar 2012 08:42:54 +0000 Gerontius 113798@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Top stuff JP...still hurting following the death of Reg Varney and still denying he’s ever seen Rita Webb’s fanny...but coming out the other side all the better for it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=39956#post-113793 Fri, 16 Mar 2012 07:38:59 +0000 Sinnick 113793@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Fine FP </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=39956#post-113775 Fri, 16 Mar 2012 05:13:03 +0000 Username 113775@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Carry on carrying on. Lovely. 5 </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=39956#post-113747 Thu, 15 Mar 2012 19:36:53 +0000 The All New Jeni B 113747@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Clearly Mr Asquith found your mojo in the back of a wardrobe, and kindly returned it for you.</p> <p>Excellent work jp, punchline is a delight (well done Ludy) and as stuffed full of funnies as a busty housewife in a too small negligee.</p> <p>(Having read through my comment, and been unable to think of anything funny to write, I'd be very grateful if you could ask Mr Asquith to look for my mojo too. Last seen near a plumbers' tool-bag.) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=39956#post-113735 Thu, 15 Mar 2012 17:55:20 +0000 Immunis 113735@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great posting overall, has he tried any injures at work compensation experts? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=39956#post-113729 Thu, 15 Mar 2012 15:53:41 +0000 dvo4fun 113729@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>yep very good<br /> IMF line lovely and m' personal preference would be Ludo's first suggestion but both work well </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=39956#post-113728 Thu, 15 Mar 2012 15:50:39 +0000 jp1885 113728@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers chums! Cracking couple of suggestions there Ludo - I think I'll plump for the first one. a copy of 'From Mighty Acorns' will be winging it's way to you when/if it's written/published. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=39956#post-113726 Thu, 15 Mar 2012 15:42:26 +0000 Qoxiivi 113726@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The second one gets my vote... both as an alternative punchline and a profession. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=39956#post-113725 Thu, 15 Mar 2012 15:31:49 +0000 Ludicity 113725@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent idea. Particularly like the IMF line. </p> <p>Possible alternative punchlines: 'I am so relieved that my life will no longer keep turning into some sort of cheap farce,' said Asquith, at which point his trousers fell down and the vicar arrived.</p> <p>Or, Asquith says that he is confident that his new job will avoid any such misunderstandings when he begins next week as a door-to-door ladies underwear adjuster. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=39956#post-113724 Thu, 15 Mar 2012 15:29:05 +0000 Golgo13 113724@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Big ups to Surbiton.</p> <p>Hold tight on the 71.</p> <p>Easy now. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=39956#post-113717 Thu, 15 Mar 2012 14:51:22 +0000 Zadok the second 113717@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I rang that number, got an Injuries Lawyer Claim firm. Is this the first interactive punchline ever?</p> <p>PS nice work... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=39956#post-113716 Thu, 15 Mar 2012 14:44:27 +0000 jp1885 113716@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Britain’s only wardrobe inspector has announced that he is hanging up his tool after the ‘umpteenth’ beating from a jealous husband left him with several fractured ribs and serious facial injuries.</p> <p>Police discovered self-styled ‘Internal Wardrobe Examination Consultant’ Barry Asquith, 47, after being called to an address in Surbiton, Kingston upon Thames, following reports of a domestic disturbance. ‘I was in the middle of a complex inspection when I was suddenly dragged out of my client’s wardrobe by her irate husband,’ Asquith told reporters from his hospital bed. ‘He was shouting something about me being up to no good and then wallop, he clobbered me - totally unprovoked! Okay so it was a very hot day and I was in my underpants but that’s hardly an excuse to hit a man is it?’</p> <p>Former milkman Asquith admits that his career choice has been a deceptively dangerous one - this being his ninth visit to A&amp;E this year. ‘I’m forever being battered by misunderstanding fellahs, it comes with the territory I suppose. Once someone finds you supposedly hiding in their wardrobe, no amount of frantic tapping and listening out for woodworm is going to save you from a broken nose, especially if their wife has decided to have a quick lie down in a flimsy nightie while you’re at it.’</p> <p>Asquith has issued a call for a greater understanding of people in his line of work: ‘Nowadays it’s hard enough to make ends meet without spending half your life in some woman’s wardrobe without spending the other half in plaster. I’ve even had to take a second job as window sill tester – in fact I offer a two-for-one deal where I check the structural integrity of your window by hanging off the sill shortly after bolting out of your wardrobe - just to pay child maintenance costs.’</p> <p>Ever the entrepreneur, Asquith has vowed to seek other, less painful and open to misinterpretation, avenues of employment. ‘So far I’ve tried my hand at being a window cleaner, driving instructor and for a brief period the managing director of the International Monetary Fund, and at every turn I’ve found myself pursued by angry spouses. Well enough is enough: it’s time to look for a gentler vocation – maybe something in reflexology. I am so relieved that my life will no longer keep turning into some sort of cheap farce,' said Asquith, at which point his trousers fell down and the vicar arrived.</p> <p><strike>(Can –you- think of a funnier punchline? Call 0800 567 14678 now and be in with a chance to win a signed copy of jp1885’s biography ‘From Mighty Acorns’)</strike></p> <p>Thanks Ludicity for the punchline! </p>