http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=391 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Mon, 20 May 2013 03:42:09 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=391#post-1154 Wed, 03 Mar 2010 08:58:54 +0000 Gary Stanton 1154@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The BBC announced yesterday that they will make huge savings by slashing the number of buns that DJ, Chris Moyles, is allowed to push inside his face. </p> <p>The corpulent radio announcer turned TV presenter is one of a host of figures<br /> recently criticised over their pampered lifestyles, with salaries to match their waistlines. Rumours of extravagance were confirmed by insider, Julie Cavanagh, Head of Caviar at the BBC Canteen: </p> <p>‘Moyles turned up for breakfast one morning with his posse in tow, dressed as Henry VIII, only fatter, and demanded that a lavish medieval-style banquet be laid on. It was the full works – a selection of hams, trifles, eels, and processed cheese. All washed down with gallons of full fat milk. He claimed it was a stunt for Comic Relief but I didn’t believe him.’ </p> <p>‘As a finale, he ordered a baby pig to be roasted alive and presented to him on a silver tray. He took a bite out of it and began using one of its legs to intimidate Anita, his producer. He was like: ‘Have you ever seen the film ‘Babe’ Anita ? Eh? Oink Oink! She’s a vegetarian everybody. Hahahahaa.’ But she didn’t answer . She just sat there quietly sobbing.’</p> <p>Licence fee payer, Adam Downey, a former fan of Moyles, said: ‘Nobody expects Chris to do his show on an empty stomach but when you consider that Sophie Rayworth gets by on little more than a lettuce leaf topped with a blob of low-fat mayonnaise it does seem a little over the top’ </p> <p>However, viewers were incensed when they learned that a recent commercial, in which fatty Moyles sits astride a gleaming white stallion, ran up production costs of over thirty million. The horse suffered spinal injuries as a result and had to be lead into the car park of Broadcasting House where it was stoned to death by the cast of Blue Peter to save on bullets.</p> <p>Speaking from his penthouse suite in London’s Mayfair which you’re paying for, Director General, Mark Thompson, claimed the slaughter was necessary in order to feed his collection of prize-winning Dobermans based on the current retail price of Cesar dog food. Detailing further cuts to a range of hugely popular radio stations, Thompson said:</p> <p>‘We’re legally obliged to provide Moyles’ with basic foodstuffs such as deep-fried king prawns and Wall’s Vienetta so it came down to a toss-up between some specialist channel called 6Music and my annual six week holiday in the Maldives.’</p> <p>‘I hear the coral reefs look absolutely stunning this time of year.’ </p>