http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 20 Jun 2013 01:06:17 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-110129 Sun, 19 Feb 2012 17:32:29 +0000 Clucksy 110129@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very funny. I have spent a large part of my working life over the last few years training various foreign "Brians" to take the jobs of 500 people in my company, so it was a wee bit close to the bone for 5*. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-110103 Sun, 19 Feb 2012 11:10:23 +0000 Skylarking 110103@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ah, guess what - I just spent most of yesterday afternoon on hold to Eon. Sporadically discussing an incorrect reading that I first drew to their attention in July. So a timely fp and a fine one. And - considering the time I have spent on hold/trying to get this issue sorted - what an appropriate name Eon chose for themselves... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-110100 Sun, 19 Feb 2012 11:05:37 +0000 writinginbsl 110100@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>made a good fp </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-110089 Sun, 19 Feb 2012 06:48:33 +0000 dvo4fun 110089@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>cracking job chaps, well done </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-110083 Sun, 19 Feb 2012 05:43:38 +0000 Username 110083@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>7 days of waiting in a queue.</p> <p>well, five working days + a weekend (if they still exist) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-108875 Fri, 10 Feb 2012 08:27:10 +0000 writinginbsl 108875@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>missed this</p> <p>very funny-have some late stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-108802 Thu, 09 Feb 2012 12:56:00 +0000 The All New Jeni B 108802@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Look Ormond, this is neither the time nor the place to tell us about replica handbags.<br /> Actually, by 'replica' handbag, do you mean that it's not actually a handbag, just a model of one?</p> <p>Anyway, Quaz, unless you accept responsibility for that faux pas, there will be no more brooms, and definitely no more bananas. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-108711 Thu, 09 Feb 2012 01:13:23 +0000 Quaz 108711@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You're the one with the legal training, I thought you checked the facts. I just look after the infinite number of monkeys with typewriters. By the way, I need a new broom for the cages and a lot more bananas. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-108692 Wed, 08 Feb 2012 22:02:42 +0000 The All New Jeni B 108692@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Tsk! If we don't get FP or NiB with this, it'll be your fault for that error. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-108686 Wed, 08 Feb 2012 21:45:15 +0000 Quaz 108686@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Just realised, that should have been an "MSC in Astrobiology", mot an MA. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-108613 Wed, 08 Feb 2012 09:54:53 +0000 Major Clanger 108613@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-108593 Wed, 08 Feb 2012 06:38:48 +0000 Username 108593@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Got to be an FP soon<br /> . 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-108575 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 22:36:42 +0000 FlashArry 108575@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>JB - I usually like to keep my metaphoricals closer to the drinks cabinet, but admire your elan and flair, even from this distance </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-108571 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 22:31:52 +0000 The All New Jeni B 108571@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers Arry.<br /> We came up with the idea for this after metaphorically lying in a field in Austria, too drunk to find our way back to our digs... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-108570 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 22:27:52 +0000 FlashArry 108570@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>But down in the gutter, some dream of stars. Have a handful ! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-108560 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 20:46:17 +0000 Quaz 108560@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks all, and Sinnick, I'm trying not to Google your one eyed snake, but it's quite hard. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-108524 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 17:15:33 +0000 The All New Jeni B 108524@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Must. Not. Comment. On. One. Eyed. Snakes. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-108523 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 17:06:25 +0000 Sinnick 108523@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>From the script of the 1966 film "Thunderbirds are Go":</p> <p>"Sure, but what's your initial reaction?" Travers asked. "I think that the atmosphere would be breathable, but too thin to sustain life as we know it," Grant responded. "And it looks as if the early Martian photographs are going to prove right in as much as there's no water up here."</p> <p>Space Captain Greg Martin looked back at Grant. "And you can tell this from your instruments, Doctor?" he asked. "80 instruments, 20 intuition," Grant responded.</p> <p>Dr. Raymond Pierce looked at Martin. "I agree with all that Dr. Grant has just said, but I've always been fascinated by that phrase: 'life as we know it,'" Pierce said. "I have a feeling that we may encounter life as we don't know it."</p> <p>... and then gets shot at by one-eyed rock snakes, as you'd expect. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-108518 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 16:41:36 +0000 Sinnick 108518@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good work, Jeni &amp; Quaz</p> <p>That phrase was used in the original Thunderbirds film, but I suspect it predates that.</p> <p>I think it's also been used by aliens passing by our own little planet. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-108517 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 16:41:18 +0000 The All New Jeni B 108517@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yeah, if memory serves, "There's life Jim, but not as we know it."<br /> I think Bones uttered these oft-quoted lines, but I know fuck all about Star Trek so I await a correction. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-108511 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 16:16:46 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 108511@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>There's life there, but not as we know it.</p> <p>Is that a Star Trek phrase? I know it from somewhere but not sure where, and Star Trek is the best guess I can come up with.</p> <p>Nice job. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-108502 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 16:02:38 +0000 Gerontius 108502@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice work JaQ<br /> Just goes to show that heavy all-night drinking can have beneficial effects. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-108494 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 15:43:32 +0000 John Ffitch-Rucker 108494@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>No mention of all the Indians who, for some inexplicable reason, are now called ‘Brian’? Pah! I’ll only give this 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-108483 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:59:12 +0000 The All New Jeni B 108483@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you all.<br /> It's amazing what nonsense you can come up with in a late night FB conversation... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-108481 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:51:39 +0000 Qoxiivi 108481@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good work both. Nicely crafted. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-108476 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:28:58 +0000 dvo4fun 108476@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Unless the live feed happens to become discon ..............................</p> <p>'I can pin it down exactly to the moment their computer decided that as a graduate in Mathematics with an MA in Astrobiology, I would be best suited to 6 weeks work experience in Poundland."' - lovely </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-108474 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:16:48 +0000 waylandsmithy 108474@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely job! Your subs are important to us, and will be read after a three-hour hiatus. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38347#post-108442 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 09:52:08 +0000 The All New Jeni B 108442@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The SETI institute has today announced that it is abandoning attempts to contact life at call centres run by major Gas and Electricity providers. "It is likely that life once existed there, but after spending forty minutes on the phone listening to hold music, placatory messages and requests to use the online service, we have concluded that our time will be better spent trying to contact ETs many light years from earth".</p> <p>Scientists believe that call centres were once teeming with life but it may have been wiped out by cost cutting accountants and a bonus driven management culture that had little regard for customer service. It is thought that a “Terminator level” event caused the rise of the machines and the elimination of all human life from the centres.<br /> “It’s possible that some forms of life have clung on under the desks, but it’s unlikely that they are able to use the phone for fear of attracting attention to their existence” explained one SETI scientist. “We did once obtain a signal that we thought may have been from a sentient life form, but it turned out to be a sales call.”</p> <p>The search for life in call centres began after a researcher at SETI attempted to claim 'Jobseekers Allowance' from the DWP after struggling to find work immediately following Graduation. His experience of dealing with the brain-dead automaton taking claims for benefit over the phone caused him to question the existence of intelligent life within large organisations.</p> <p>"I asked a question about how long it would take to process my claim, and the 'woman' on the other end just responded with the next scripted question on screen.” he said. “And when I had to attend an interview at the local Jobcentre Plus, I quickly realised that the pot-plant on the Interviewer's desk had more independent thought than anyone else there. I can pin it down exactly to the moment their computer decided that as a graduate in Mathematics with an MA in Astrobiology, I would be best suited to 6 weeks work experience in Poundland."</p> <p>SETI are currently getting very excited by one signal they intercepted coming from Kepler 22b, some 600 light years away. The signal seems to be emanating from a massive fleet of space craft attempting to tell EON about their change of address to Earth.</p> <p>A joint Quaz and Jeni B production </p>