http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 25 May 2013 06:46:38 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=3#post-108394 Mon, 06 Feb 2012 18:01:28 +0000 Ironduke 108394@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you VCG; cat behaviour crops up rarely in my current work, but I do try to drop that one in wherever I can, yet to find a more professional substitute for 'shit' that works as well though.</p> <p>Next time you see a paraplegic vole on your mat with your cat stood over it, look into her eyes...you will see a blend of raw contempt and pathetic sympathy shining back at you. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=3#post-108334 Mon, 06 Feb 2012 11:56:49 +0000 beau-jolly 108334@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Harriette the kitten grew up with a lab-cross so her litter mate got a lot bigger than her. Her favourite trick is still putting her head inside the dog's mouth, biting his cheek from the inside and seeing if she can get out before he bites her head off. I'll see if I can post a pic. Maybe a new thread of daft pets. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=3#post-108323 Mon, 06 Feb 2012 10:54:04 +0000 John Ffitch-Rucker 108323@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>That’s all very well, but what does it mean when they bring in a severed human limb?<br /> Oh, hang on, the breeder said Tibs <strong>came</strong> from Bengal, I thought he said it <strong>was</strong> a Bengal. That explains it - and the contents of the litter tray. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=3#post-108314 Mon, 06 Feb 2012 10:24:54 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 108314@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>ID, "so when the cat brings a half dead mouse for you...its noticed that you are a bit shit at hunting and don't seem to be able to catch your own mice, and so is trying to help you out a bit." made me laugh out loud.</p> <p>That's a brilliant explanation of that aspect of cat's behaviour, and one that I may shamelessly steal some time. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=3#post-108312 Mon, 06 Feb 2012 10:16:15 +0000 Son of Barnabas 108312@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I just realised I accidentally wrote euphonism instead of euphemism. Tsk! Tsk!</p> <p>If only I had been trying to make a link between shoes/sex/brass musical instruments it would have been brilliant. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=3#post-108238 Sun, 05 Feb 2012 20:37:53 +0000 Ironduke 108238@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>BJ...either check your advocaat levels, she may have been hitting it heavy OR she's only funnin' around like she would with other litter mates.</p> <p>Cats often bring in half dead mice and drop them in a prominent place and look at you expectantly- thats what they do for their kittens...maim a prey animal so it can't run away, then drop it for the kittens to practice pouncing, killing etc...so when the cat brings a half dead mouse for you...its noticed that you are a bit shit at hunting and don't seem to be able to catch your own mice, and so is trying to help you out a bit.</p> <p>Kitten probably doing fake pouncing/attacks as it would with litter mates, and hasn't quite realised there is a difference between a Labrador and a kitten.</p> <p>I suspect a combination of Darwinism and a rottweiler owner fancying a pint sometime will resolve your issue. In the meantime, lets hope she picks up some signals, shall we? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=3#post-108182 Sat, 04 Feb 2012 22:20:49 +0000 Al OPecia 108182@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A savage pussy - always unstoppable in my experience. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=3#post-108095 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 16:56:03 +0000 beau-jolly 108095@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Duke: My kitten stalks and throws herself at every dog that comes into the pub as if she is a huge lioness. She will hit a fully grown labrador at shoulder level expecting it to fall like a wounded gazelle. Is this normal? Mind you she always gets a place by the fire. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=3#post-108072 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 13:33:14 +0000 Scroat 108072@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>As opposed to an iPhonism </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=3#post-108070 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 13:25:26 +0000 Son of Barnabas 108070@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I always thought it was a euphonism. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=2#post-108064 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 13:12:51 +0000 Zadok the second 108064@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>out of your shoe</blockquote></p> <p>What is this drinking out of a lady's shoe thingy? Can someone explain it to me? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=2#post-108059 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 12:59:10 +0000 Son of Barnabas 108059@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>...and I always thought you were such a caring, tender wench, Jeni. Bang goes my fantasy of flying up to the frozen wastes of Scotchland and reclining on a tussock of heather whilst you fed me dainty morsels of haggis and single malt (with ice) out of your shoe, whispering sweet nothings in my ear with your seductive, burring brogue, a cross between Kirsty Young and Carol Kirkwood.... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=2#post-108017 Thu, 02 Feb 2012 21:16:07 +0000 Ironduke 108017@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>DVO, you certainly MAY NOT pull your dog's teeth out with pliers.</p> <p>Take your dog (and your chequebook) to the vet and ask politely for them to do it for you. After all, thats his job, and its not as if a vet steals your role by sitting around all day posting unfunny comments on this website, is it?</p> <p>Oh, actually I see your point now. Homebase do nice pliers with groovy bits that don't catch the gum, if thats any help? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=2#post-108011 Thu, 02 Feb 2012 19:53:32 +0000 Al OPecia 108011@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks Ironduke and Jen,</p> <p>I'll let you know how we get on, early doors promise though when Mrs O'Pecia bit me I shrieked and left the room without making eye contact, and it still seems to be working......... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=2#post-108008 Thu, 02 Feb 2012 18:26:27 +0000 The All New Jeni B 108008@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Because he values his life. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=2#post-108002 Thu, 02 Feb 2012 18:03:41 +0000 John Ffitch-Rucker 108002@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Duke, Mark Twain once said ‘a man who holds a cat by it’s tail learns things he can learn no other way’. What would they be?<br /> Jeni, why doesn’t your husband just stand his glass on your chest? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=2#post-107989 Thu, 02 Feb 2012 15:23:15 +0000 dvo4fun 107989@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Many moons ago we went away for the weekend. We left the lodger in charge of feeding the dog from one of the just defrosted tubes of rather smelly offal in the fridge. Yep -he certainly did. </p> <p>Lodger: "The mince was a bit runny"</p> <p>mrs 4fun "Mince?" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=2#post-107984 Thu, 02 Feb 2012 14:48:04 +0000 The All New Jeni B 107984@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Only when he wants ice in his drink. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=2#post-107983 Thu, 02 Feb 2012 14:36:24 +0000 andhrimnir 107983@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>he has to get his own ice? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=2#post-107980 Thu, 02 Feb 2012 13:51:48 +0000 The All New Jeni B 107980@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Easily SoB, he only ever opens the freezer to get ice for his whisky. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=2#post-107978 Thu, 02 Feb 2012 13:37:23 +0000 Son of Barnabas 107978@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Crikey! How did this turn into an episode of Animal Hospital?</p> <p>Jeni - how do you prevent Mr B thinking the frozen chew is a nice chop for his dinner, and sticking it under the grill? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=2#post-107937 Thu, 02 Feb 2012 10:36:42 +0000 dvo4fun 107937@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Is pulling their teeth out with pliers still allowed? I accept that I have made an assumption that at some time it was allowed. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=2#post-107898 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 22:11:39 +0000 Ironduke 107898@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Puppies speak a)'puppy' and b)'bitch' language. (so ask JeniB to translate).</p> <p>They do play biting; that is in their nature. It is normal. They learn their boundaries (ie. ouch, that fucking hurt) by a) the puppy that has been bitten too hard or too often, so it squeals loudly and walks away, ending the game or b) the bitch that is fed up MAY give a gentle bite but WILL get up and walk away, ending the game.</p> <p>One of the most powerful 'punishments' to a dog is isolation from their pack. You are their pack.</p> <p>SO...puppy mouths and bites you. Squeal, look away, and walk away. No eye contact, no attention, if possible leave the room. </p> <p>ALSO...dogs have little perception of time. So 30seconds later you can walk back in as if nothing has happened- its the fact of seperation from pack leader/parent figure, rather than the length of time of seperation, that is relevant as a deterrent.</p> <p>And please do not underestimate how fucking annoying it is for a large dog to mouth you every time you go near it. Your vet will tell you it doesn't matter, that its cute, that its not really painful or irritating at all. They will not mean it.</p> <p>I had a young labrador with juvenile joint problems that needed to visit me regularly, each time persistently mouthing my hands painfully; when I put my hands in my pockets, he butted my bollocks. His owners smiled all the time.</p> <p>Significant parts of him are in a jar on my shelf. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=2#post-107897 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 22:02:16 +0000 The All New Jeni B 107897@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Al, what's worked for me is having two of them, so they just bite each other!<br /> Also, buying really heavy duty chew toys helps. It's because their puppy teeth start loosening off at about 8wks, but also due to the 'pack' instinct where they learn to hunt and kill by practising on their siblings.<br /> What I've done too, is making sure the chew toys are clean, pop them in a bag, seal it, stick it in the freezer for a little while until it is chilled, then give them that to chew.<br /> It's really helped the boys. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=2#post-107895 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 21:21:49 +0000 Al OPecia 107895@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Dear Ironduke,</p> <p>How do I get my new puppy to stop biting? I haven't got any money to pay you with, but if you have any questions on soil microbiology I'd be happy to help.</p> <p>Al </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=2#post-107887 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 19:55:43 +0000 Ironduke 107887@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I was once called out to the practice; a gruff owner brought in a straggly looking terrier, not looking terribly poorly. I asked his name to log on the computer and I thought he said 'Jack Shit'.<br /> 'I'm sorry?' says I, 'Jack Shit' says he, clearer this time and unmistakeable.<br /> Charming, thought I. 'Shall I search under Jack?' I said, a little prissily.<br /> 'JACK......SHIT ' says he, as though speaking to a hard of hearing numbskull...then he did a little chuckle and said 'Mother were a Jack Russell, fatha were a Shih Tzu. Jack Shit he's called'.</p> <p>He then proceeded to chuckle the whole way through the consult.</p> <p>Until he got his bill. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=2#post-107816 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 13:18:49 +0000 beau-jolly 107816@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>SoB: I was thinking b) but now you've got me worried. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=2#post-107796 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 12:10:42 +0000 jp1885 107796@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I have a nice arse and yet I'm asked to lecture about jack shit - bah! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=2#post-107792 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 11:58:09 +0000 Son of Barnabas 107792@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Or maybe it's 20 small ladies?</p> <p>And please clarify jurt. Do you mean:<br /> a) an Icelandic plant?<br /> b) a Mongolian tent (alternative spelling yurt)?<br /> c) The act of injuring, killing, or inflicting any kind of pain or damage on a robot, cyborg, machine or any other partially, wholely or holey bionic item by means of poking, prodding or prying or any other way you can imagine with a great force and/or torque?<br /> d) None of the above<br /> e) all of the above </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=37861&page=2#post-107563 Mon, 30 Jan 2012 13:28:15 +0000 beau-jolly 107563@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hmmm Maybe its just a small number of 20+ ladies. I may have misunderstood. </p>