http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34988 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 18 May 2013 18:56:08 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34988#post-99166 Sun, 04 Dec 2011 15:02:14 +0000 dvo4fun 99166@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>If its all the same to you, couldn't you just leave it as it is with a mere four stars? </p> <p>As encouragement for the others. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34988#post-99145 Sun, 04 Dec 2011 11:39:18 +0000 waylandsmithy 99145@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers for the feedback! That's that crumpled up and chucked in the bin, then! Really appreciate the honest opinions, I might come back to this idea later in the week, but try and change the style back to my more silly one. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34988#post-99119 Sun, 04 Dec 2011 09:00:17 +0000 JohnA 99119@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think the puns are an important part of the style, because they sustain the disbelief that this could be real.</p> <p>Your style is to take a plausible idea and take it to the extreme with its own consistent internal logic, a style which is reminiscent of Monty Python.</p> <p>Because you've turned off that mode of invention, what is left is a piece of whimsy, rather than satire.</p> <p>It made me smile at first, but I was disappointed by the end.</p> <p>So only 2.71828 stars from m(e) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34988#post-99086 Sat, 03 Dec 2011 22:51:47 +0000 Chuts 99086@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I had no idea that my ancient grazing rights had been revoked.</p> <p>I'm off to London to bring the old cow back home. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34988#post-98955 Fri, 02 Dec 2011 18:11:52 +0000 Perks 98955@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>i enjoyed it. Agree that I love your 'usual' style, but that's not to say this is any less quality. good job and well done for trying something different </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34988#post-98940 Fri, 02 Dec 2011 15:39:21 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 98940@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think you've done a good job. Especially as leaving out the puns must go against all your instincts now. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34988#post-98925 Fri, 02 Dec 2011 14:18:24 +0000 dvo4fun 98925@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I was interested to see there was a wayland sub with less than the usual full starrage. </p> <p>Disappointed to then read your comment about trying a different style; I had hoped you were just losing your touch as even I could see the open goal opportunity of commuters already being treated like cattle. </p> <p>Lovely idea, well written &amp; developed. Altogether more gentle, but very good and does work. My personal preference though is for your usual well-stuffed variant. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34988#post-98917 Fri, 02 Dec 2011 13:14:47 +0000 Griffin 98917@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>What ever next? Buckingham Palace gardens?? Vauxhall Station??? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34988#post-98916 Fri, 02 Dec 2011 13:14:45 +0000 waylandsmithy 98916@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I've been experimenting with my style, using less jokes and puns and playing it a bit straighter. No idea if this works or not. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34988#post-98914 Fri, 02 Dec 2011 13:10:34 +0000 waylandsmithy 98914@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ancient grazing rights are to be respected in Britain's capital city, following a landmark decision by the European Court of Justice. George Humbert took the matter to Europe after finding a legal document in his father's loft, which suggested his family had been granted 'faire cowe wandrage' throughout Hyde Park at some time in the 15th Century. Humbert plans to eventually bring over 350 Friesian dairy cows to the popular London site.</p> <p>Boris Johnson isn't in favour of the move, but has reluctantly agreed to accept the court's decision. "Yet again, Europe is making rash judgements and expecting the British taxpayer to pick up the bill", declared Johnson, from the platform of his new 'Boris Tractor'. "I've spoken with Humbert, and in the interests of London, we've agreed a timetable for the handover of the parkland to ruminants."</p> <p>Strict planning laws meant that Humbert couldn't erect a new milking shed, but Mr Johnson agreed to part-fund the conversion of a conference centre in nearby Regents Park. "In a way, watching milk being sucked out of udders is an education to the children of our borough, although the logistics of moving several hundred cows across Marlyebone in rush hour has caused a few headaches."</p> <p>The Lord Mayor quickly dismissed suggestions that cows could be driven through Oxford Street twice a day. Instead, using a grant from the EC's Unexpected Infrastructure Commission, ramps, electric fencing and sluice gulleys have been installed at Marble Arch station. "It's safer for everyone if Humbert takes his cows on the Tube", declared Johnson. </p> <p>"We're closing Marble Arch and Baker Street for a few minutes twice a day, and I ask the public to respect Humbert's privacy when he transfers his herd to the Central Line." Underground staff are being trained in the use of silage squeegees to get the carriages somewhere near clean after cow use. Johnson believes London's commuters will quickly adapt to being treated like cattle, but is recommending wellingtons as a sensible precaution.</p> <p>The ways of country folk are a mystery to many city dwellers, and it is hoped that the bloody-minded awkwardness of Humbert’s dairy business will be offset by the opportunity to learn a little about rural life. Families have stared in awe at the massive pile of old tyres, barrels and empty sacks of feed that's appeared at Speaker’s Corner, and can’t wait for New Year’s eve, when it will be set ablaze. “It’ll burn good and long”, confirmed Humbert.</p> <p>Commuters have welcomed the gentle lowing of cattle as they pick their way through the park’s foul-smelling, churned up filth, but are wary of the beasts since Humbert put up dozens of ‘These Cows Bite’ signs. The sage countryman denies he’s exploiting people’s ignorance of the countryside. “If they want to pay me seven quid for a dozen eggs and think they’re from my cows, I say let ‘em. I never told ‘em eggs is dairy.” </p>