http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34839 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 05:34:33 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34839#post-98662 Thu, 01 Dec 2011 09:30:52 +0000 Sinnick 98662@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>4* from me. Plenty of gags, some old some new, but I'm not sure how well it flows at the moment. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34839#post-98661 Thu, 01 Dec 2011 09:27:50 +0000 Stan Laurel 98661@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Of course NB runs at Xmas, Wayland. The Xmas FP is highly coveted (and not read by anyone until Boxing Day). </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34839#post-98660 Thu, 01 Dec 2011 09:25:49 +0000 dvo4fun 98660@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"It’s a shame really as I had him down for a calculator and an abacus, two things he needs quite badly. I’m sure he couldn’t give a rat’s chuff though, as he’s a millionaire and can just go out and buy most of Hamleys.” </p> <p>Is m' favourite bit but then I do have this thang for George Osborne. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34839#post-98647 Thu, 01 Dec 2011 08:50:39 +0000 Alan Sundry 98647@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh, I don't know - a couple of old jokes - 'elf/health', 'getting the sack', and the rest of it is a bit limp, isn't it? Any real laugh out loud moments?</p> <p>Sure-fire front page, five stars from me! :-) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34839#post-98642 Thu, 01 Dec 2011 08:08:42 +0000 waylandsmithy 98642@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Are the stars broken on this one? I just gave it 5 and they haven't moved.</p> <p>Love it. But probably ideal for Boxing Day. Does NB run at Christmas? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34839#post-98623 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 23:03:38 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 98623@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I really like this. I've given it 5*, so had acwanaut, and yet it's on 3*, which suggests 2 people have 1-starred it. Seems a bit harsh to me. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34839#post-98506 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 13:16:34 +0000 acwanaut 98506@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Elf secretary - classic :-) 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34839#post-98494 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 12:36:13 +0000 Darkbill 2.0 98494@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>St ‘Santa’ Nicholas, who trades as Father Christmas Plc, is planning to close his North Pole operation and cull four reindeer, blaming poor economic conditions and the impact of the eurozone crisis. The job losses were announced just hours before Chancellor George Osborne presented the Government's Autumn Statement to Parliament.</p> <p>The company announced that over 350 elves, fairies and other helpers are to go. The Sprite union, representing mystical creatures, said the final figure might be closer to 500 once snowmen and other temporary staff were accounted for.</p> <p>Santa said: “I think it’s safe to say there will be no presents for little Georgie Osborne this year as he has been a very naughty boy indeed. It’s a shame really as I had him down for a calculator and an abacus, two things he needs quite badly. I’m sure he couldn’t give a rat’s chuff though, as he’s a millionaire and can just go out and buy most of Hamleys.”</p> <p>Elf Secretary Andrew Lansley said: “We have tried persuading Father Christmas to put his elves onto shorter hours, but this is proving impossible as most of them are only 3ft tall as it is.”</p> <p>Animal welfare groups are also urging Santa to think again about having his magical reindeer put to sleep.</p> <p>Rona Doughty of charity Sleigh Stoppers said: “We are firmly opposed to these cuts. The sled is designed to be pulled by nine reindeer, not five. So aside from the welfare issues we are looking at slower deliveries and an overall drop in customer service.”</p> <p>Santa responded to his critics saying, “It is true that some presents may not be arrive till mid-January, but we are seeking ways to address this. For instance, we have been trialling putting wee foam antlers onto cats.”</p> <p>He added: “We’re only killing the ones nobody remembers anyway – Comet, Cupid, Prancer and Dancer – seriously, after Rudolph, who cares?”</p> <p>Buddy, a worker at the North Pole, said: “Well, obviously we’re devastated. The first any of us knew about it was when Santa appeared and said, sorry lads you’re getting the sack. Nothing unusual in that, he’s quite fat and doesn’t like exerting himself, but then it dawned on us - we were getting the old heave-ho, ho, ho."</p> <p>When asked how the elves had reacted to the news, Buddy said: “I think it’s safe to say he's off the Christmas card list. We have worked very hard for many years for little more than a bag of sweets, and now we won't even get our final sugary penguin.”</p> <p>In his Autumn Statement the Chancellor promised a new Christmas programme for struggling parents, which is set to include ‘working, prison or dying and thereby reducing the surplus population.”</p> <p>Mr Osborne added, “humbug.” </p>