http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34817 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 03:48:29 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34817#post-99889 Thu, 08 Dec 2011 12:12:34 +0000 bonjonelson 99889@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>*bump* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34817#post-99318 Mon, 05 Dec 2011 16:15:55 +0000 kimllfixit 99318@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hee hee, I love this story! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34817#post-99315 Mon, 05 Dec 2011 16:00:16 +0000 dvo4fun 99315@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Don't knock it ianslat - I've got a couple of pairs of houndstooth check trousers out of my neighbour's Basset.</p> <p>Coat? Check</p> <p>Hat? Check.</p> <p>I'm off </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34817#post-99306 Mon, 05 Dec 2011 15:15:22 +0000 bonjonelson 99306@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Why hasn't this appeared on the front page yet?</p> <p>Disgraceful oversight IMHO! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34817#post-98701 Thu, 01 Dec 2011 12:43:39 +0000 ianslat 98701@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice idea.</p> <p>Dogs would be more successful at reproduction if they didn't shag people's legs. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34817#post-98630 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 23:40:21 +0000 Immunis 98630@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'd still like a house cat update pack so that they don't treat humans as servants.</p> <p>As for stag beetles, there's a bug in those. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34817#post-98629 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 23:31:19 +0000 The All New Jeni B 98629@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>More bizarre genius.<br /> Disappointed about the unicorn though.</p> <p>Have some sea-horses. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34817#post-98597 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 20:57:55 +0000 Perks 98597@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very good. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34817#post-98583 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 19:24:42 +0000 Username 98583@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wow. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34817#post-98565 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 17:46:38 +0000 bonjonelson 98565@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'd like to see a turtle in a turtleneck.</p> <p>Jim, can you fix it for me...</p> <p>Damn </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34817#post-98530 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 14:39:37 +0000 writinginbsl 98530@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>really funny</p> <p>many stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34817#post-98515 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 13:53:23 +0000 John Ffitch-Rucker 98515@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The first time I saw crabs at the seaside, I was so glad I got rid of mine before they grew up. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34817#post-98498 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 12:47:03 +0000 Qoxiivi 98498@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>CatNav - so they don't keep getting lost. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34817#post-98497 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 12:47:02 +0000 waylandsmithy 98497@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it a lot! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34817#post-98495 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 12:44:53 +0000 bonjonelson 98495@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Fly wheels, surely </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34817#post-98491 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 12:20:28 +0000 Qoxiivi 98491@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Love it. Suggestions for some other upgrades:</p> <p>Donkeys with shock absorbers<br /> Legs for snakes<br /> Wheels for lizards<br /> Fly steering</p> <p>The list could be endless... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34817#post-98489 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 12:06:28 +0000 bonjonelson 98489@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Critics have been claiming that God has a Steve Jobs complex </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34817#post-98481 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 11:41:57 +0000 GreenCross 98481@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>5 stars. One of the best I've read. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34817#post-98471 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 10:19:36 +0000 bonjonelson 98471@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"One more thing..."</p> <p>Did he address the problems with antennae on some of his designs?</p> <p>Marvellously bonkers. 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34817#post-98453 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 08:34:43 +0000 Scroat 98453@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"As well as rolling out the new crab..."</p> <p>Nothing like starting the day with a good chuckle. Have some starfish. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34817#post-98448 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 08:25:57 +0000 Gong of Fur 98448@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>At an open air press conference held at the summit of Mount Sinai today, God, creator of all things, revealed the long awaited upgrade of the crab. </p> <p>Speaking in a stentorian voice, and wearing his trademark turtleneck halo, the Almighty admitted that the DNA evolution software fitted to all living creatures had proved to be rather unreliable, so he had abandoned other projects and stepped in to improve the design attributes of several creatures with his own fair hand</p> <p>God refused to apologise for the delay in upgrading the crab. ‘It takes time to get these things right,’ he said. ‘We have to remember to what happened to the unicorn. We rushed the release of the new version and, thanks to the bloody DNA programming, it evolved into the rhinoceros.’</p> <p>For the first time, Crab 2.0 comes with the ability to move forwards and backwards rather than sideways. ‘In the old version you never knew if the crab was coming or going,’ continued God, ‘so this is a considerable breakthrough for crustacean technology.’ Adding, ‘Although, we have had to compromise the design with a rear view mirror so they can get used to new methods of navigation.’</p> <p>As well as rolling out the new crab, God took the opportunity to launch improvements to several other products; with a much welcomed fourth toe for the three toed sloth and a more varied diet for the anteater. There were gasps from the assembled throng when he announced the breakdancing horse which he described as ‘perhaps the ultimate in equine development’.</p> <p>God warned that he would continue to be ruthless in protecting his design rights. ‘There are rumours that Serpent Enterprises are about to launch a Zebra in white with black stripes. This is no more than a minor cosmetic alteration from my original black with white stripes patent, so if they go ahead with this product they’re heading for a good smiting.’ </p>