http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Mon, 20 May 2013 03:21:05 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192&page=2#post-98742 Thu, 01 Dec 2011 17:29:40 +0000 The All New Jeni B 98742@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yay!<br /> Thanks Des, I remember now why I love you.</p> <p>Mwah!!!</p> <p>(The Dr says the juices thing is age-related. Apparently it's to do with the "change". I'm at that age between being young enough to take creative, stimulating drugs, and not old enough for Alzheimers) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192&page=2#post-98705 Thu, 01 Dec 2011 12:51:19 +0000 waylandsmithy 98705@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ooh, ta for the heads up! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192&page=2#post-98700 Thu, 01 Dec 2011 12:43:34 +0000 Darkbill 2.0 98700@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sorry, I have no idea why I posted that.</p> <p>Seriously though, Black Mirror: The National Anthem, Channel 4, Sunday 9pm. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192&page=2#post-98691 Thu, 01 Dec 2011 12:19:13 +0000 Darkbill 2.0 98691@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Never apologise, never explain.</p> <p>Oh, and watch Black Mirror: The National Anthem, Channel 4, Sunday 9pm. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192&page=2#post-98686 Thu, 01 Dec 2011 11:59:34 +0000 dvo4fun 98686@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>lovely job </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192&page=2#post-98685 Thu, 01 Dec 2011 11:47:20 +0000 Des Custard 98685@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><a href="http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2010/12/22/ofcarol-to-regulate-festive-singing-chaos-431/">Is this the one you meant Jeni?</a> Sorry to hear about the juices btw. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192&page=2#post-98614 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 22:34:13 +0000 The All New Jeni B 98614@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>To be honest, I think my creative juices have dried up anyway. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192&page=2#post-98612 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 22:20:02 +0000 fun and games 98612@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You did what with Quaz et al you unfaithful dirty common slut?</p> <p>I am not sure I can even contemplate a small acoustic set in the back room of a pub in the light of this bombshell. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192#post-98127 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 17:46:38 +0000 The All New Jeni B 98127@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ah, bless. I thought you did bag a solo?</p> <p>Yes, following that great pinnacle, I then managed a follow up collective FP with Quaz, and several hundred other NBers, had one assist, and then....<br /> ...well, nothing.</p> <p>Perhaps we should reform, but I'm telling you now, I'm not doing a stadium tour this time. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192#post-98124 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 17:38:25 +0000 fun and games 98124@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes Jen, you were the wind beneath my wings. I never had one without you. I am over it now. Yes, really. I don't think about it any more. Hardly at all. (I am still talking about my lack of FPs and not my life's lack of Jenless success). </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192#post-97911 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 02:05:16 +0000 The All New Jeni B 97911@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>FaG...Ahem!<br /> (This was the point at which I was planning to link to a certain Christmas FP, but it seems to have gone "Error 404 -Not Found" on me....) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192#post-97889 Sat, 26 Nov 2011 18:10:07 +0000 fun and games 97889@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The above advice is all very well but if you are good enough, you will get FPs. If you aren't, you won't. I don't think you can teach someone how to write a FP. A few of the top folk round here tried to help me. I just wasn't up to it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192#post-97132 Mon, 21 Nov 2011 20:29:31 +0000 dvo4fun 97132@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Right. Done that. Just 'pre-4fun' I think so hadn't read it before. Hope you managed to get a cold shower shortly afterwards. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192#post-97125 Mon, 21 Nov 2011 19:49:09 +0000 Ironduke 97125@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Click on my name, review posting history, scan down to 'topics started' and you should see 84 examples, spread over 3 pages.</p> <p>Read carefully, it's a thorough and comprehensive ouvre comprising pretty much everything to be avoided to achieve FP glory. Ignore the 'busty mayoress' one...that was a slip up. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192#post-97121 Mon, 21 Nov 2011 19:27:38 +0000 Clarky 97121@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Was the 6 hour edit threshold set as 'sobering up time' I wonder? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192#post-97074 Mon, 21 Nov 2011 14:27:52 +0000 NewSuburbanDad 97074@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Only one thing I can add: remember most people visiting the site are sober. If inspiration strikes while you're on the sauce, proof read again the following morning before posting. Otherwise you'll end up like me: alone on the sofa at midnight, watching reruns of Mock the Week on Dave, juggling a four-pack of Co-op bitter with checking your story's rating on the iPhone every 5 minutes, wondering why no-one thinks it's funny I hate you all you're my best mates...</p> <p>A few people have mentioned the value of bouncing ideas off others , which I've never done but would be up for trying. Failing that you could always bounce yourself off others, although that's probably not what Mary meant by "Envelope. Cash. Hotel room. No questions.I'm not saying it's right - it's just the way we roll..." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192#post-96966 Sun, 20 Nov 2011 16:17:59 +0000 waylandsmithy 96966@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>My tips, for what they're worth:</p> <p>- Make sure the length is about right, but don't resort to padding: every sentence has to add to the story.<br /> - pick a subject that is either topical or relates to something that's 'on trend'.<br /> - Make sure you know what point you're trying to make, it's helpful if there's a subtext to what your sub is about.<br /> - write it, then proof-read it. Avoid repeating similar words or phrases. Make sure the text is easy to understand and fits the style. Then think about it for a bit, you're bound to think of ways to improve it make it funnier. Then post it when you're happy with it.<br /> - If it sinks without a trace or isn't used, keep going! Write something else. Keep pounding away, I think the more you write, the easier it becomes and the better you get.<br /> - Make sure you're familiar with the site guidelines too: funny headline, clear explanation of story, killer finish, etc.<br /> - Sometimes, something you've written that you think is brilliant and hilarious bombs completely. Don't worry about it, that's just what happens. A bit like telling a joke in a pub and being met with blank expressions. If that happens, sell everything you own and move to a different county. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192#post-96946 Sun, 20 Nov 2011 11:36:31 +0000 John Ffitch-Rucker 96946@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"I'd say length is your main problem”...<br /> That’s a bit rude, isn’t it? After all, the chap’s only asking for a bit of advice. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192#post-96944 Sun, 20 Nov 2011 11:14:55 +0000 Mary Evans 96944@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wotcha Jen. Very fruity indeed thank you, much more so now I have ceased moving the family Maz around the South of England. We are now bedded in back in Lahndan, have found a school that hasn't expelled Young Master Maz yet and gainful employment insulting university students. All is well - what have I missed? Who's in the clique? Who is getting unfounded and unfair FP success? Who is flouncing? Who is getting me that glass of Sauv (leave the bottle)? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192#post-96938 Sun, 20 Nov 2011 10:07:00 +0000 Gerontius 96938@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>First of all you need to make sure you’ve ‘bought’ the biscuits<br /> Polish your toadying skills<br /> Give everything 5 stars<br /> Tell people when you give them 5 stars<br /> Only ever say nice things about a sub...even though you know it's shite<br /> PM everybody telling them you think they’re the best writer on NB<br /> Ask everybody if you can be their ‘friend’ on Facebook<br /> Ask if you can follow them on twitter<br /> Comment on all the comments people leave you to make sure your sub is always at the top of the leader board – it’s called bouncing.<br /> Or last resort...try writing something really funny and hope it gets picked up by mistake </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192#post-96871 Sat, 19 Nov 2011 18:46:41 +0000 The All New Jeni B 96871@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>MAAAAAAZZZZZ!!!! And if anyone should know the magic FP ingredient it's our first ever hat-trick WoM.<br /> How the devil are you lovey?<br /> Been quiet without you, and the wine cellar hasn't needed restocked for ages. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192#post-96870 Sat, 19 Nov 2011 18:44:13 +0000 Mary Evans 96870@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Envelope. Cash. Hotel room. No questions.<br /> I'm not saying it's right - it's just the way we roll... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192#post-96858 Sat, 19 Nov 2011 17:21:13 +0000 Clarky 96858@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wow. Overwhelmed by the generous sharing. I tend to keep things short so as not to bore or risk being accused of 'padding out'. But great thoughts for taking a sub to another level. Thanks all. Here's hoping... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192#post-96831 Sat, 19 Nov 2011 13:12:43 +0000 Skylarking 96831@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"Otherwise:<br /> Homeopathy<br /> Clowns<br /> Badgers<br /> Waitrose"</p> <p>Or "Chiswick" as it is otherwise known... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192#post-96789 Sat, 19 Nov 2011 00:32:42 +0000 Alan Sundry 96789@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Clarky - looking at your subs - the Saville and Daniel Radcliffe ones - I'd say length is your main problem. Good NiBs are in short supply, so the NiB editors tend to quickly hoover up anything under 250-ish words.</p> <p>But if you're going to stretch a sub out to the 300+ FP length I reckon it should have more than just one well-developed idea. Otherwise the whole 300 words are just variations on the same theme, and there's no killer punchline. </p> <p>Practically, this means 250 words of developing one idea, like you do, then one paragraph taking the original idea on some outrageous twist, for example using something like "On the other hand, not everyone agrees with X... [lovely shockingly funny twist here]"</p> <p>Mind you, lots of FPs just drag out a single idea, so I could be talking rubbish. But there you are. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192#post-96787 Sat, 19 Nov 2011 00:23:15 +0000 Perks 96787@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>So a sub titled 'Homeopathic Clown who eats badger bought from Waitrose to become MP' is a dead cert. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192#post-96785 Fri, 18 Nov 2011 23:54:19 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 96785@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>If you can manage to have a go at politicians that tends to go down quite well. Otherwise:</p> <p>Homeopathy<br /> Clowns<br /> Badgers<br /> Waitrose</p> <p>In that order. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192#post-96776 Fri, 18 Nov 2011 22:44:06 +0000 Quaz 96776@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You can follow all of that good advice, get 5 stars and still not make a FP with it, but maybe the piece didn't quite fit the mood of the day, or got held over and then lost down the back of the sofa and turns up a month later, or maybe the Ed of the day didn't like it. That doesn't mean it's not good though. Some people have re-subbed old ideas with a bit of a tweak a few months later and struck gold, so you never know. Sometimes there's just too much good stuff, hence the introduction of the NIBs that help soak up some of the great one liners with a few comments, or full posts that didn't quite make it, that would otherwise never make a full FP. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192#post-96726 Fri, 18 Nov 2011 17:17:09 +0000 dvo4fun 96726@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I've tended to assume that my sub's are just not funny enough. </p> <p>With that as a working basis, any constructive criticism has always been much appreciated; advice above seems good to me Clarky and you do write good stuff. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34192#post-96724 Fri, 18 Nov 2011 17:00:27 +0000 Stan Laurel 96724@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hi Simon. Spot on! It can be frustrating when someone has a great idea but only writes 30 words to support it. No good for a NiB or an FP.</p> <p>Of course, the field is open for someone to run with the idea..... </p>