http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34186 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 23:39:46 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34186#post-96730 Fri, 18 Nov 2011 17:56:23 +0000 Long Distance Clara 96730@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A far better idea than my story, so here's an attempt to splice the two.</p> <p><strong>Blatter suggests ending Stephen Lawrence trial with a handshake</strong></p> <p>FIFA president Sepp Blatter today called for the family of murdered black teenager Stephen Lawrence and the men accused of his racist murder to put aside their differences and settle the matter by shaking hands. </p> <p>‘I am sure that the defendants, Gary Dobson and David Norris, never intended to offend anyone by their conduct and are devastated by the reaction it has provoked,’ said Blatter, newly-appointed counsel for the accused. ‘There is no racism in this case, but maybe sometimes there is a gesture or stabbing which isn’t correct. My view is that if two people have a falling out and one of them murders the other, they should just agree to let bygones be bygones and shake hands. What happens on the street stays on the street.’</p> <p>Blatter went on to emphasise his egalitarian credentials. ‘I would like to make it clear that I am completely committed to the fight against racism, discrimination and mindless violence in society. Murder is not an issue that can just be swept under the carpet, but when you have done something which is not totally correct – like the unprovoked killing of a young man on the basis of the colour of his skin – then all you can do is offer an apology to those affected and try not to do it again.’</p> <p>‘I’m sure Mr Dobson and Mr Norris regret what has happened, but why should they resign their liberty?’ continued Blatter. ‘When you are faced with a problem like leaving an innocent man bleeding to death at a bus stop, you have to face that problem, then run away as fast as you can, burn your clothes and get a friend to give you an alibi. In fact it’s a tactic that served me well when I was being investigated for corruption.’</p> <p>Critics of the FIFA chief have expressed disbelief at Blatter’s remarks. ‘This confirms what we’ve always known – that FIFA is institutionally stupid. There is much to do to eliminate racism from all walks of life and to ensure equality of opportunity for all, but we are prepared to make a concession to our ideals and actively discriminate against stupid, corrupt Swiss men who inexplicably attain high office.’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34186#post-96727 Fri, 18 Nov 2011 17:21:39 +0000 Shandy 96727@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Made me wince then laugh - very good! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34186#post-96725 Fri, 18 Nov 2011 17:04:59 +0000 Ostsee 96725@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very, very good. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34186#post-96712 Fri, 18 Nov 2011 15:46:14 +0000 Midfield Diamond 96712@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Almost too poignant to be funny. But I like it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34186#post-96711 Fri, 18 Nov 2011 15:45:58 +0000 bonjonelson 96711@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sorry other blatter blatherers, this one wins the crown. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34186#post-96709 Fri, 18 Nov 2011 15:25:18 +0000 Screenie 96709@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34186#post-96706 Fri, 18 Nov 2011 15:22:55 +0000 Sinnick 96706@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Absolutely superb.<br /> I'm sure Martin Luther King would have done the same. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34186#post-96662 Fri, 18 Nov 2011 12:48:44 +0000 Qoxiivi 96662@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34186#post-96661 Fri, 18 Nov 2011 12:44:54 +0000 butagirl 96661@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>He shoots, he scores! Succinct and funny. This MUST make the ticker. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34186#post-96656 Fri, 18 Nov 2011 12:33:46 +0000 Mathna 96656@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Quality - two news stories in one. 5 Star performance! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34186#post-96654 Fri, 18 Nov 2011 12:32:30 +0000 allmyownstunts 96654@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>well done Mark </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34186#post-96653 Fri, 18 Nov 2011 12:27:09 +0000 Mark66 96653@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>. </p>