http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31300 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 20 Jun 2013 02:16:22 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31300#post-88711 Mon, 03 Oct 2011 19:09:18 +0000 writinginbsl 88711@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>bit late</p> <p>stars anyway </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31300#post-88478 Sun, 02 Oct 2011 07:32:19 +0000 witless 88478@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Perhaps the EU was right all along in their attempt to ban non straight bananas. Non straight bananas DO look phallic (depending on if one is left or right handed), whereas dead straight ones could never be confused as remotely phallic. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31300#post-88455 Sat, 01 Oct 2011 18:05:11 +0000 Qoxiivi 88455@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>If only someone had given me that advice ten years ago Gerontius... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31300#post-88453 Sat, 01 Oct 2011 17:14:21 +0000 Gerontius 88453@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>One of those rare occasions when 'more is less'<br /> A bunch of bananas looks perfectly harmless...but get one on its own and you are asking for trouble.<br /> Word of advice though Quo...never try holding up a bank armed with a dildo... 'everybody face down on the floor...NOW' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31300#post-88428 Sat, 01 Oct 2011 11:09:01 +0000 Scroat 88428@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Or a butternut squash </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31300#post-88374 Fri, 30 Sep 2011 20:08:24 +0000 Al OPecia 88374@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cucmber? Luxury! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31300#post-88368 Fri, 30 Sep 2011 19:37:41 +0000 JohnA 88368@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well at least he's not brandishing a cucumber, that's all I can say </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31300#post-88367 Fri, 30 Sep 2011 19:31:13 +0000 Brenda SugarTits69 88367@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>When I eat a banana in public, to avoid any phallic imagery embarrassment, instead of peeling back the skin and inserting the tip into my belipsticked mouth, I make a slit with my thumb nail down the length of the banana shaft, peel sideways the two skin flaps thus created, and extract the soft banana flesh with my expert tongue. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31300#post-88366 Fri, 30 Sep 2011 19:20:47 +0000 Golgo14 88366@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Probably racist too. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31300#post-88364 Fri, 30 Sep 2011 19:02:51 +0000 Qoxiivi 88364@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Poor guy, he's not a perv, just likes a banana. This is actually a piece formed from an observation of mine where I was carrying a banana back to my desk and then, all of a suddem, noticed how I was holding it. It's hard to carry one without it looking like you're brandishing a gun or a dildo. I always feel self-conscious in the act now. I think I might switch to a less suggestive fruit, like an apple. But even then, some of those can look like bums. It's a minefield. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31300#post-88337 Fri, 30 Sep 2011 16:31:29 +0000 Gerontius 88337@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice one Quo...I can just picture him pulling the skin back </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31300#post-88319 Fri, 30 Sep 2011 15:07:55 +0000 Boutros 88319@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It's a skin, not a peel. But I guess you do peel it.<br /> Then again.. one skin, two skin, three skin, four... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31300#post-88317 Fri, 30 Sep 2011 14:57:58 +0000 spoole2112 88317@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It's all a fallacy. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31300#post-88315 Fri, 30 Sep 2011 14:53:11 +0000 Qoxiivi 88315@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers for the steer dvo - have amended it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31300#post-88311 Fri, 30 Sep 2011 14:45:41 +0000 Screenie 88311@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Being about a banana, it would probably be appropriate for you to slip up and people to stumble on it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31300#post-88310 Fri, 30 Sep 2011 14:41:58 +0000 dvo4fun 88310@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>See what you mean but either relates to an outcome of a case and at the moment Tony is only facing charges.</p> <p>"If convicted [however], Mr Vail is confident that the verdict will be .. on a peel .."?? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31300#post-88299 Fri, 30 Sep 2011 14:06:31 +0000 Qoxiivi 88299@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers dvo. You know, I did have it as ‘overturned’ but changed it to ‘quashed’ as I got all pedantic and noticed that it’s verdicts (ie, the outcomes of cases) and not the cases themselves that get overturned. Thought that ‘quashed’ might avoid (or, at least, obfuscate) this semantic error.</p> <p>I don’t know, does it matter d’you think? Does ‘overturned’ stand out as incorrect and cause people to stumble on it? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31300#post-88294 Fri, 30 Sep 2011 14:01:41 +0000 dvo4fun 88294@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Quox (may I use the diminutive?)</p> <p>I think 'overturned' would be better but good as-is. Love 'He should be on a list' and the punch line is a real cracker.</p> <p>I'd imagine Tony is certainly feeling a little bitter and perhaps more than a little jaundiced after this unexpected slip up sent his career careering.</p> <p>Stars aplenty </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31300#post-88290 Fri, 30 Sep 2011 13:50:16 +0000 rikkor 88290@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Funny. One of my friends at a bank always had a big pump container of hand lotion on her office desk. When I had the proper crowd in a meeting, I would put it in front of me over a wastebasket with my back half-turned to the spectators. Then push. Gales of laughter. As it was a bank, I would have to ensure that no killjoys were present for the performance. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31300#post-88287 Fri, 30 Sep 2011 13:36:13 +0000 Qoxiivi 88287@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Advice, should I change the first sentence in the final para to: 'Mr Vail is hoping his case will be overturned on a peel, but is unsure if things can ever return to normal.' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31300#post-88285 Fri, 30 Sep 2011 13:27:37 +0000 Screenie 88285@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Just lucky there wasn't also a couple of kiwis involved. New Zealanders are very easily offended. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31300#post-88284 Fri, 30 Sep 2011 13:25:17 +0000 Qoxiivi 88284@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Tony Vail, an accounts assistant from Harrow, is facing sexual misconduct charges for carrying a banana through his office in what his victims describe as ‘a sustained campaign of implicit explicit innuendo’.</p> <p>‘He might as well have just waved a dildo in my face’ said Eve Brown, a temp who the accused stopped to talk to on the way back to his desk from the local sandwich vendor who's also implicated in the case.</p> <p>‘Or his own cock.’ added her colleague.</p> <p>Mr Vail describes the banana he was carrying as ‘just some lunch’, maintaining that his intentions were entirely benign and contained no intentional sexual subtext.</p> <p>‘I was only carrying a banana through the office, that’s all. You try carrying a banana through an office without looking as though you’re brandishing it. I always feel a bit self-conscious when I’m doing it but I didn’t think it’d come to this.’</p> <p>Other employees at his firm aren’t convinced, however, and are pushing to see charges pressed. ‘Yeah, he claims he meant nothing by it but we all saw; the way he was casually cupping it in his palm. It definitely had a bit of a fat end on it too. He should be on a list.’</p> <p>Despite this, Tony maintains his innocence. ‘I saw her look at the banana and then back at me and I knew what she was thinking, but honestly, she’s got it all wrong. Then I think I panicked a bit because I let out a little ‘wahey’ to try and diffuse the situation. It didn’t go down well.’</p> <p>Even if convicted, Mr Vail is confident he can have the verdict overturned on a peel, but is unsure if things can ever return to normal. ‘Even if they find in my favour and I can return to work, it’s not going to be the same. I am a bit bitter at my accusers, yes. If I need to talk to them whilst carrying a banana again, I’ll just put it in my pocket. It won’t mean I’m pleased to see them though.’ </p>