http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29918 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 18:08:07 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29918#post-84651 Wed, 07 Sep 2011 20:43:47 +0000 f0zz 84651@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oof, a sharper dirk to pierce the ribs of woad-drenched skirt-swingers everywhere could scarcely be crafted. Only a bigger drystone wall or stern letter-writing amount of football injustice could possibly add insult to that injury. Oh, no wait now...</p> <p>Tesco value schadenfreude it may be (isn't that all the Olivered-up, cholesterol-free English have left?) but the words 'McLovin' it' spring colonially to mind. Five gold stars and a student sofa-bed smear of leftover nuggets. Fine fare. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29918#post-84634 Wed, 07 Sep 2011 19:24:32 +0000 allmyownstunts 84634@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hugh who?</p> <p>we might be related. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29918#post-84624 Wed, 07 Sep 2011 18:01:01 +0000 Al OPecia 84624@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Scottish heart bypass surgeon advertises "buy one get one free" offer? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29918#post-84622 Wed, 07 Sep 2011 17:58:05 +0000 OllieP 84622@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you Mr Giant. </p> <p>And I think I should add here that this piece is meant to be no more than a fond ribbing of the land of my Grandad, the suitably named Hugh Munro McLeod. He is no longer around but I hope he would have managed a little chuckle, even if some have misconstrued elements of the piece as being "a little bit racist". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29918#post-84543 Wed, 07 Sep 2011 12:11:38 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 84543@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Missed this one while I was away too. Good stuff Ollie, can't beat a bit of casual racism. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29918#post-84080 Sat, 03 Sep 2011 16:59:03 +0000 JohnA 84080@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh come off it Jeni B! You'll be claiming to have never worn tartan next... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29918#post-84043 Sat, 03 Sep 2011 07:50:37 +0000 writinginbsl 84043@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29918#post-84025 Fri, 02 Sep 2011 20:13:31 +0000 Al OPecia 84025@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>oh Boy I had some Everclear the other night - I wasn't by the end of the evening. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29918#post-84020 Fri, 02 Sep 2011 18:28:32 +0000 rikkor 84020@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Send your extra Buckfast my way. I don't think we can get it in the US, but it sounds delightful. </p> <p>We do have Everclear grain alcohol here. I think it's like 180 proof. People in high school and college use it as the accelerant at parties where punch is made in a trash can with a trash bag liner. Delicious memories. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29918#post-84010 Fri, 02 Sep 2011 15:27:24 +0000 The All New Jeni B 84010@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I've said this before, and undoubtedly, I shall have to say it again...I've never in my life had a deep-fried Mars Bar, nor any chocolate bar dipped in batter and fried.</p> <p>Some of us know what salad and fruit are, and willingly eat them.</p> <p>Oh, and I have never, ever drunk Buckfast. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29918#post-84005 Fri, 02 Sep 2011 14:58:27 +0000 Danny 84005@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent article. I have recently started to work in Scotland and have sampled a deep-fried Mars Bar in an effort to engage with Scottish Culture. I could almost feel my left ventricle slamming shut as I ate it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29918#post-83987 Fri, 02 Sep 2011 13:39:56 +0000 beau-jolly 83987@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wid ya like a wee bit hen?</p> <p>(Ha! and you thought you had avoided the obvious by saying "about me" rather than "in me") Can I apologise now in advance? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29918#post-83975 Fri, 02 Sep 2011 07:57:44 +0000 The All New Jeni B 83975@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well spotted John A, although I have no Glaswegian about me. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29918#post-83961 Thu, 01 Sep 2011 23:28:47 +0000 JohnA 83961@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'm pretty sure that Jeni B was being ironic and venting her inner Glaswegian... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29918#post-83949 Thu, 01 Sep 2011 20:05:50 +0000 dvo4fun 83949@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hm I was trying to be ironic but never quite sure how that works. Obviously not like that. </p> <p>I once did refer in discussion with quite a dodgy-geezer prisoner to him being 'scotch' and he (rather politely I thought in all the circumstances) gave me a brief summary of my misunderstanding on the subject. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29918#post-83942 Thu, 01 Sep 2011 19:43:27 +0000 Al OPecia 83942@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh dear, I got into trouble around a similar subject recently. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29918#post-83937 Thu, 01 Sep 2011 18:54:03 +0000 dvo4fun 83937@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Duly fucked off j-b. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29918#post-83925 Thu, 01 Sep 2011 17:28:40 +0000 waylandsmithy 83925@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>What age do people stop being ginger, and what colour do they go? Not seen one over about 35. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29918#post-83924 Thu, 01 Sep 2011 17:16:34 +0000 The All New Jeni B 83924@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Fuck off, you pompous twat. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29918#post-83915 Thu, 01 Sep 2011 16:20:09 +0000 dvo4fun 83915@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent stereotyping work there - have a collusive 5*</p> <p>But will the Scotch people see the funny side? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29918#post-83896 Thu, 01 Sep 2011 13:36:26 +0000 beau-jolly 83896@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Top racism. Have many stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29918#post-83891 Thu, 01 Sep 2011 12:49:10 +0000 OllieP 83891@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Scottish Government has announced today that average life expectancies north of the border have increased so dramatically over the last couple of decades that the country may now require a state pension. Up until recently few of its citizens survived beyond their thirties. But now, after a 20-year UN-led aid program, around 60% of Scotland's inhabitants can look forward to living well into their forties.</p> <p>The revelations came during a press conference at Holyrood which was chaired by Alex Salmond, who at 56 is by some way the oldest living Scot; an accolade which conferred on him the title of First Minister. Little of what he said was intelligible but the general consensus was that he seemed to be happy and thanked the UN for all their hard work.</p> <p>The plight of Scotland's people became international news in the late 1980s after harrowing images of life in some of Glasgow's tenement blocks reached the outside world. As Zambia's UN Development Envoy Joseph Mwanawasa recalled, "It was like nothing I'd ever seen before. These people clearly had nothing to live for so I left my work in the Congo to help in whatever way I could. Seeing little children wearing nothing but shell suits queuing for battered Big Macs brought tears to my eyes."</p> <p>One of the early priorities of the aid program was to improve living standards through access to clean drinking water, and most people now have at least one tap in their tower block. Where this has proven impossible, charities have ensured families received half a litre of Irn Bru a day, though some areas have had to make do with Tizer.</p> <p>As Mwanawasa recalls it was often a difficult working environment and skirmishes would frequently break out when the parcels of unprocessed food were being distributed. "This was worst in Glasgow where tribal unrest would come to a head. The two groups would arrive adorned in their ceremonial dress; one set in blue, the others in green and white. The only way we could stop them fighting was by throwing a football into the crowd. While this object transfixed both clans it is clear neither peoples had any idea what to do with it."</p> <p>Life in Scotland as a whole is now improving. As well as looking to introduce pensions, a prototype health service is being trialled in some of the larger settlements. And with more people moving away from living off the land, jobs are slowly being created and some 9% of the population are now in employment. Prospects for many, though, remain grim as efforts to domesticate the young have proven futile.</p> <p>The cost of these new developments is worrying some. But young Treasury Secretary Danny Alexander's written statement hoped to put people's minds at rest. "The number of people living long enough to draw on their pensions will initially be relatively small. Even so there is obviously no way we can afford this new scheme on our own which is why it will be 100% funded by the English taxpayer. Belter!" </p>