http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28663 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Mon, 20 May 2013 00:39:22 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28663#post-82789 Sun, 21 Aug 2011 07:46:24 +0000 arthurminnit 82789@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>i laughed my head off......................... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28663#post-82761 Sat, 20 Aug 2011 20:21:39 +0000 rikkor 82761@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cinq.</p> <p>I know I've said it here before, but while on a hike in nothern California I actually ran into a group of Morris dancers. (It must have been Saint Boring A-shole's Day Eve, or something.) I was the only person who witnessed this horror who had the slightest idea what they were doing.</p> <p>A zither or dulcimer (are they the same thing?) player is equally bad.</p> <p>See below. Once again, Louisiana rules.</p> <p><a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/03/22/health/main545392.shtml" rel="nofollow">http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/03/22/health/main545392.shtml</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28663#post-82757 Sat, 20 Aug 2011 19:54:52 +0000 dvo4fun 82757@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Belated post-holiday stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28663#post-80412 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 21:03:00 +0000 f0zz 80412@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"Can't beat a bit of Hansen's Disease," (said Lineker, rashly). Five prurient stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28663#post-80407 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 20:38:15 +0000 Poecheng 80407@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>laughed my head off.<br /> Well done Mr Smithy (as usual) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28663#post-80398 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 20:13:35 +0000 FraserWords 80398@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Accordions! Accordions! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28663#post-80365 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 16:42:41 +0000 waylandsmithy 80365@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers for the comments, I wasn't sure if I'd get away with this one! Thought I'd try and push the taste boundaries a bit, but tried to keep it fairly subtle. I kind of expected to be pulled apart over it...</p> <p>Interesting about the morris dancers being exempt! I...quite like morris dancers. And mummers and rappers. I even quite like accordions. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28663#post-80356 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 16:00:52 +0000 beau-jolly 80356@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Did you know...<br /> Morris dancing is singularly omitted from the 2003 Licensing Act which requires a licence for dancing and entertainment.<br /> It was successfully argued that it was a cultural right.<br /> They could equally have argued that it was neither dancing nor entertaining. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28663#post-80337 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 14:37:07 +0000 pere floza 80337@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I thought it was a reference to the gay kissing in pubs row from a while ago, so it must work on several levels... ding dong! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28663#post-80334 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 14:23:43 +0000 Oxbridge 80334@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The lepers vowed not to let anything like this happen again. 'If anyone tries to ban us, we'll really put our foot down. Gently, of course,' said Hume. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28663#post-80329 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 13:48:25 +0000 JonnyJP 80329@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I just love the subtle jokes and references in this, quality </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28663#post-80325 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 13:21:25 +0000 guffaw 80325@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Have you ever written for sitcoms,I guess not, but you do have some funny laugh out loud stuff. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28663#post-80323 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 13:13:23 +0000 guffaw 80323@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Funny funny funny gets my nod of approval,glad they did throw not their hand in. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28663#post-80315 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 12:28:46 +0000 waylandsmithy 80315@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ta! Now updated. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28663#post-80313 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 12:18:08 +0000 Qoxiivi 80313@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think it's reenactment (or possibly hyphenated). </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28663#post-80311 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 12:11:53 +0000 waylandsmithy 80311@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>There was a story about morris dancers being banned from a pub for wearing bells. I thought the 'treated like lepers' and bell-wearing might also open up three opportunity to use some appalling, 70s style jokes.</p> <p>In some ways, it's retro.</p> <p>Spotted one typo, cheers for that! Any left? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28663#post-80309 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 12:06:04 +0000 Qoxiivi 80309@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great payoff (almost seems like you've structured the piece around it, or the idea of lepers being treated like Morris dancers in general) and I particularly like the line 'But the use of bells dropped off gradually over the centuries, and in some cases quite suddenly'. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28663#post-80307 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 12:02:15 +0000 Qoxiivi 80307@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Might want to do a quick proofread mate. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28663#post-80304 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 11:52:51 +0000 waylandsmithy 80304@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A group of medieval lepers were humiliated today after being banned from a Durham pub for wearing bells. The lepers, part of a reenactment society who were due to perform at the village fete, were visibly shaken by the confrontation, which only made matters worse. </p> <p>"When Judy the barmaid said we couldn't come in, we were devastated. Dave just went to pieces", explained Mike Hume, who caught the disease when travelling in Senegal, as part of a misguided weight-loss programme. "I tried to offer her the hand of friendship, but she just tossed it in the bin."</p> <p>In the past, it has been compulsory for lepers to wear noise-making apparatus to warn communities of their presence. But the use of bells dropped off gradually over the centuries, and in some cases quite suddenly. </p> <p>Mike defended the period costumes: "We want to carry on the traditions of this country. Our shiftless movements, the way people run screaming from our performances in quaint market towns on the solstice: it's a vital part of educating today's youth about their history."</p> <p>The group was angry, but just about managed to hold themselves together during negotiations with the landlord, Jim Neville. "He said that if more than two of us rang our bells at the same time, he'd need a live music licence. We suggested that we could quietly break up into smaller clumps, but he looked disgusted at the idea."</p> <p>Neville eventually allowed the lepers to stay, as long as they kept their fingers out of the bar snacks. "We've agreed to embrace them, once we've found some rubber gloves and a bottle of detergent."</p> <p>Mike is used to being treated badly. "People can be very cruel about our hobby. Sure, some people don't like the sound of our bells or our outlandish costumes but that's no excuse to treat us like Morris dancers." </p>