http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28529 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Tue, 21 May 2013 12:52:55 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28529#post-79940 Sat, 30 Jul 2011 20:18:26 +0000 Oxbridge 79940@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hancock/Barnett. Gloucestershire opening partnership of the great one day side of '99-'04. I forgot which one I started with. Well spotted that man. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28529#post-79875 Fri, 29 Jul 2011 23:31:40 +0000 rikkor 79875@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I especially like "salmon rush die". Vy. apropos. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28529#post-79870 Fri, 29 Jul 2011 22:19:49 +0000 rikkor 79870@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The great tags are mine. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28529#post-79851 Fri, 29 Jul 2011 20:10:37 +0000 Iscariot 79851@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Not me either. I did see some big boys running away.</p> <p>I just popped to enquire how/why and for what purpose Donald Barnett changes into Hancock. Is he having a wank? We should be told! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28529#post-79844 Fri, 29 Jul 2011 19:20:12 +0000 rikkor 79844@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh, someone else is marking down your subs. Not me. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28529#post-79835 Fri, 29 Jul 2011 17:59:55 +0000 Mr Target 79835@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It's funny cos it's true.</p> <p>Those salmon want to get there heads checked.</p> <p>Mmmentaaaaaaal! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28529#post-79834 Fri, 29 Jul 2011 17:53:46 +0000 be reasonable 79834@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Probably also explains the crowds gathering at the start of the football season. Have some fish-finger flavoured stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28529#post-79832 Fri, 29 Jul 2011 17:51:43 +0000 dvo4fun 79832@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ah Oxbridge - good to get the definitive explanation from the veterinary professional. Had you thought of tweaking it for submission to 'Vet. Monthly'?</p> <p>Full House. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28529#post-79790 Fri, 29 Jul 2011 13:37:57 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 79790@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28529#post-79777 Fri, 29 Jul 2011 13:19:55 +0000 FraserWords 79777@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thick, but very tasty - what a belter! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28529#post-79771 Fri, 29 Jul 2011 12:59:04 +0000 Oxbridge 79771@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>For years, it was one of the great mysteries of the natural world. Why do salmon of all kinds travel over such great distances and brave so many dangers to spawn in the exact place of their birth? Simple, says leading zoologist Donald Barnett, it's because they are 'fucking morons'.</p> <p>Species of the family Salmonidae, Hancock explained yesterday, are mostly anadromous: they are born in fresh water, migrate to the ocean, then return to fresh water to reproduce. Those who survive infancy spend their first five years living in relative safety and comfort in the deep ocean, they inexplicably go back to where they started.</p> <p>'In the process, they swim upstream against powerful currents, often leaping into the air many times in an attempt to navigate waterfalls. Predators - grizzly bears and eagles in Canada, fat blokes sitting in deck chairs drinking beer in Britain - are often lying in wait for them. At the end, those who are left lay or fertilise their eggs and invariably die of exhaustion,' said Hancock. 'Thick or what?'</p> <p>Some have contended that the salmon's migratory instinct is down to a mysterious force called olfactory memory. They believe that the river each fish was born in has a chemical signature that summons them home over thousands of miles. However, chemists argue that the sheer amount of fertiliser and other pollution dumped in rivers all around the world mean that this process should have stopped working and that therefore it all comes down to mindless conformity.</p> <p>'The simplest explanation is usually the best,' Hancock said. 'These animals have brains the size of an amoeba's dick, so it's hardly surprising they are such a waste of smelt. And as for cod, they just sat there in the ocean for millions of years getting tastier by the day and waiting for us to make nets big enough to catch them? Absolute numpties, the lot of them.' </p>