http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Tue, 21 May 2013 23:26:12 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-80043 Sun, 31 Jul 2011 21:33:56 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 80043@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you again everybody, and those who mentioned it on the amnesty thread, was very surprised to see it on the FP this morning. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-79989 Sun, 31 Jul 2011 12:13:11 +0000 writinginbsl 79989@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Still funny </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-79982 Sun, 31 Jul 2011 10:13:45 +0000 Qoxiivi 79982@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Indeed. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-79981 Sun, 31 Jul 2011 10:08:27 +0000 OllieP 79981@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank God for the Writers' Room Amnesty. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-79979 Sun, 31 Jul 2011 08:56:50 +0000 waylandsmithy 79979@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'm sure last time I read this, it was in olde englyshe </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-78564 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 23:03:46 +0000 rikkor 78564@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The tags bring to mind the Immaculate Heart of Mary. My heart pierced by arrows. </p> <p>How sharper than a serpent's tooth! The anonymous tags of some cnut. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-78560 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 23:00:39 +0000 OllieP 78560@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This was indeed cruelly overlooked. Quality work. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-78558 Fri, 22 Jul 2011 22:58:55 +0000 waylandsmithy 78558@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hang on, it was this one. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-74466 Tue, 28 Jun 2011 08:44:23 +0000 Ludicity 74466@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Genuinely very moving. Surely a Channel Four documentary beckons. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-74435 Mon, 27 Jun 2011 23:20:47 +0000 rikkor 74435@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Comedy gold. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-74379 Mon, 27 Jun 2011 15:28:10 +0000 JonnyJP 74379@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>How did I miss this one, VCG?</p> <p>The locations sound very similar... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-73829 Thu, 23 Jun 2011 23:05:29 +0000 bonjonelson 73829@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>4ft 6 stars from me! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-73824 Thu, 23 Jun 2011 22:07:51 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 73824@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks again to everybody for your kind words, and to Qoxiivi for the bump when this looked like it was sliding onto page 2.</p> <p>If this doesn't make FP then I don't think I'm going to fill my quota of 2 for the month, can't see me writing anything better than this in the next week. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-73768 Thu, 23 Jun 2011 14:23:15 +0000 pere floza 73768@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>excellent stuff, reach for the stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-73765 Thu, 23 Jun 2011 14:22:02 +0000 Dick Everyman 73765@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>That's that mystery solved then. Thanks Rikkor. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-73752 Thu, 23 Jun 2011 14:01:09 +0000 rikkor 73752@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yeah. You were probably more of a golden, sparkling streak of pisswater.</p> <p>G.B. Shaw I ... I merely meant, Your Majesty, that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around is dark.<br /> Prince (accepting the compliment) Oh. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-73751 Thu, 23 Jun 2011 14:00:43 +0000 DrTurmoil 73751@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Your comedy genius must have fallen asleep in a greenhouse. This is fabulous! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-73743 Thu, 23 Jun 2011 13:51:05 +0000 Dick Everyman 73743@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I used to be called a lanky streak of pisswater at school - never understood it. Can anyone tell me how pisswater can be lanky? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-73736 Thu, 23 Jun 2011 13:41:53 +0000 Qoxiivi 73736@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"I never questioned him, because pretty much everyone looks short to me."</p> <p>Oh, get off your high horse... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-73734 Thu, 23 Jun 2011 13:40:12 +0000 rikkor 73734@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very funny. I had a friend for years who told everyone that he was 5'7", but he was really 5'4". I never questioned him, because pretty much everyone looks short to me. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-73726 Thu, 23 Jun 2011 13:30:05 +0000 Qoxiivi 73726@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Rather a... a <em>tall</em> story wouldn't you say? Eh? EH?!? Yeah? Ah, fuck you guys right up the *. Five times. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-73659 Thu, 23 Jun 2011 09:57:51 +0000 button 73659@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Top sub, its 5 stars from me *****</p> <p>Its a shame for Dave this operation wasn't available at the time, it would have saved him all that bother: <a href="http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26604" rel="nofollow">http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26604</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-73658 Thu, 23 Jun 2011 09:57:32 +0000 waylandsmithy 73658@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A lofty 5 stars, this is inspired! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-73650 Thu, 23 Jun 2011 09:24:33 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 73650@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks all. Inspired by Rikkor's remark on the BMW thread about me getting my height independently verified. So I suppose he gets a hat tip. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-73644 Thu, 23 Jun 2011 09:20:49 +0000 saltire 73644@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent.<br /> [copyright Golgo] </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-73642 Thu, 23 Jun 2011 09:20:10 +0000 FraserWords 73642@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ah yes, but in all great comedy there's tears... a deeply moving chronicle of one man's fight against being untall. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-73640 Thu, 23 Jun 2011 09:17:44 +0000 The All New Jeni B 73640@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Brilliant.<br /> And as one who is 5'10" in my head, but only 5' in reality, I can relate to this.<br /> Have stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26840#post-73635 Thu, 23 Jun 2011 09:11:18 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 73635@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>24 year old Dave McFadden from Glasgow had always been short, as a schoolboy he was bullied and called names such as ‘shortarse’, ‘wee-man’ and ‘oi you, you little twat’. He hoped that once he left school all of that would be over in the adult world, but at only 5’2” the ‘wee-man’ nickname stuck and he was still called it by friends and work colleagues. When Dave was offered a new job in Nottingham 3 years ago he saw an opportunity to put all the cruel jibes behind him and make a fresh start, so jumped at the opportunity.</p> <p>‘I realised that nobody would know anything about me down there, nobody would know about the nicknames and the cruel school days, I could start over with new colleagues, make new friends and pretend to be tall.’</p> <p>As soon as Dave arrived for his first day at his new job he mentioned to everybody he was introduced to the problems he encountered as a tall man, and started to work on building a new identity for himself.</p> <p>‘I completely reinvented myself, these people didn’t know me, they didn’t know anything about me or my past, so they had no reason to suspect I was lying when I told them that I was 6’8”. People started to refer to me as ‘the big fella’ and once when I mentioned to somebody how tall I was they even asked me ‘what’s the weather like up there?’, I loved it.’</p> <p>Dave kept working hard at reinforcing the impression of himself as being tall, he complained about struggling to find clothes to fit, used public transport instead of buying a car because he claimed not to be able to find one with sufficient leg room, and even used a permanent marker to add a 1 in front of the size 5 inside all of his shoes, just in case anybody saw them and wondered how such a tall man could have such small feet.</p> <p>‘I enjoyed all the perks that came with being tall, I even applied for a disabled badge when somebody mentioned to me that anybody 6’7” and over qualifies. Whenever I went on holiday I’d tell people what a wonderful time I’d had but claim that the flight was a nightmare for somebody my size, with my knees jammed into the back of the seat in front for several hours.’</p> <p>After 3 years the constant pressure of keeping up the pretence is getting to Dave, he won’t allow his family to visit in case they meet one of his new friends and inadvertently reveal the truth about his height, and has decided he can no longer live a lie.</p> <p>‘I don’t want to go back to being ‘wee-man’ but I think it’s time to come clean. I’m just not sure how people are going to take it, I’ve been playing centre for the local basketball team and they’re going to be devastated when they find out the truth.’ </p>