Forum » Topic: 'Worst' primary schools to become zoos

Forum » Topic: 'Worst' primary schools to become zoos http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 12:22:13 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php The All New Jeni B on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72864 Fri, 17 Jun 2011 22:21:04 +0000 The All New Jeni B 72864@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Oh, you tease... Mr Payne on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72863 Fri, 17 Jun 2011 22:15:27 +0000 Mr Payne 72863@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Things you can only dream of, Jeni B The All New Jeni B on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72859 Fri, 17 Jun 2011 21:24:38 +0000 The All New Jeni B 72859@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <blockquote>I have shared this headline with colleagues and to a man (or woman, or man pretending to be a lesbian) they have all eaten carpet and spat their coffee across the room</blockquote> eaten carpet?! What exactly did you 'share' with them? waylandsmithy on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72854 Fri, 17 Jun 2011 19:54:23 +0000 waylandsmithy 72854@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Blimey, thanks for that, you've made my weekend! Mr Payne on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72853 Fri, 17 Jun 2011 19:33:39 +0000 Mr Payne 72853@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Incidentally, I have shared this headline with colleagues and to a man (or woman, or man pretending to be a lesbian) they have all eaten carpet and spat their coffee across the room. Well done, Waylandsmithy waylandsmithy on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72838 Fri, 17 Jun 2011 17:07:10 +0000 waylandsmithy 72838@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ You're obviously not buffing them hard enough. Mr Payne on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72836 Fri, 17 Jun 2011 17:05:31 +0000 Mr Payne 72836@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ A sentiment not often mirrored in the kids... Ironduke on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72780 Fri, 17 Jun 2011 10:53:01 +0000 Ironduke 72780@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Mr Payne the Headmaster. That I like. Mr Payne on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72778 Fri, 17 Jun 2011 10:29:09 +0000 Mr Payne 72778@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ It's not just governors.... Some of us are actually in charge of schools..... FraserWords on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72763 Fri, 17 Jun 2011 09:18:31 +0000 FraserWords 72763@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ It's a hit! Five stars - love it that so many school governors (yep, me too) like it. rikkor on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72678 Thu, 16 Jun 2011 19:09:12 +0000 rikkor 72678@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Like so many people, I find retarded folk to be a scream, so this is real FP material. OllieP on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72670 Thu, 16 Jun 2011 17:19:03 +0000 OllieP 72670@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ I can just see these kids sitting in swinging tyres, hurling their crap at the punters. Great work wayland. Ironduke on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72668 Thu, 16 Jun 2011 17:02:01 +0000 Ironduke 72668@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ exceptionally magnificent work. Five golden blinking bumholes. (though I fear my school governor position might be similarly under threat Sinnick!) waylandsmithy on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72667 Thu, 16 Jun 2011 17:00:50 +0000 waylandsmithy 72667@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Now updated! waylandsmithy on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72649 Thu, 16 Jun 2011 14:24:37 +0000 waylandsmithy 72649@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ I shall chuck a PFI-funded secondary safari park up next door, when I get home! Ta for all the help! Titus on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72642 Thu, 16 Jun 2011 14:04:34 +0000 Titus 72642@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Not sure if the "feral" innmates, being used to an urban environment, could cope with the vast open tracts of rural widerness in a safari park though. Qoxiivi on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72636 Thu, 16 Jun 2011 13:52:35 +0000 Qoxiivi 72636@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Love it. rikkor on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72635 Thu, 16 Jun 2011 13:51:28 +0000 rikkor 72635@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ The safari park idea has legs. waylandsmithy on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72634 Thu, 16 Jun 2011 13:50:14 +0000 waylandsmithy 72634@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Thanks all! I was wondering about a safari park, where people can drive through and have their cars keyed, tyres bitten and radios stolen. Sinnick on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72628 Thu, 16 Jun 2011 13:41:35 +0000 Sinnick 72628@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Perhaps "Game Reserve" rather than "zoo". Gove could then issue hunting licences. Just a thought (I may get sacked from being a School Governor because of this, but it will be worth it). Mr Payne on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72621 Thu, 16 Jun 2011 13:06:24 +0000 Mr Payne 72621@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ And I think 'the ministers' may well have mistimed their intervention. A sizeable chunk will be pregnant before the age of 14. charlies_hat on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72619 Thu, 16 Jun 2011 13:03:12 +0000 charlies_hat 72619@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ The playground - the most cruelest of places - and I think Gove suffered as much as most... great idea 5* Mr Payne on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72618 Thu, 16 Jun 2011 13:00:14 +0000 Mr Payne 72618@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ A lovely idea. Well done. However, my concern would be how we can comply with the 'do not feed the animals' sign. What about those on free school meals? It's a legal minefield.... Vertically Challenged Giant on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72611 Thu, 16 Jun 2011 12:07:29 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 72611@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Great stuff. And glad to see 'poking a mental with sticks' worked into a sub too. 5* waylandsmithy on "'Worst' primary schools to become zoos" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26562#post-72606 Thu, 16 Jun 2011 12:01:17 +0000 waylandsmithy 72606@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ The 25 worst-performing primary schools are to be redesignated as zoos, according to Michael Gove, the Education Secretary. The schools will be used to both protect endangered feral children, and to provide entertainment to the British public. "Many believe that feral children are on the increase, but this simply isn't so", said Gove, sporting a Safari jacket and mortar board. "The feral child is easy prey for daytime TV and papers like the Mail and Express. Numbers have been dwindling for some time now." The new 'zools' will feature viewing platforms, and members of the public will be able to feed the children for a small fee. "We've got a nutritionist to maintain their unbalanced diet, and to help them open their microwave burgers", Gove explained. "Obviously, we'll only allow the public to feed the more gentle 'mongs' and 'bennys', the properly deranged examples will be kept in these special glass cages". At first glance, the glass cages would appear to have plenty of air holes, but this isn't the case. "They're just big enough for a broom handle", demonstrated the Minister. "The public love poking a mental with sticks. Look! That one's chewing the end!". A tazer pit is currently under construction, for demonstrating the more violent neds and chavs. Gove outlined plans for a string of Comprehensive safari parks to be attached to the new attractions, where people could observe packs of wild pre-teens in a 'natural' environment. "We're including objects that will help to keep them active: bus shelters for them to smash up, artificial newsagents for them to shop-lift from. The only obstacle is the safety of the public: it would appear they can key a car with amazing precision, and if anyone breaks down, their radio will be out and the tyres chewed within seconds". Ministers hope to be able to breed from the specimens once they reach full immaturity, at around 14. "We can then release them back into the wild. Or use them as cannon fodder: depends how it's going in Libya at the time", said Gove.