http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26309 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 21:49:42 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26309#post-71947 Sun, 12 Jun 2011 20:21:33 +0000 Re Pete 71947@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks chums. S'not my fault if I've copied something, I've been unconscious for the past three years! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26309#post-71938 Sun, 12 Jun 2011 19:50:10 +0000 Al OPecia 71938@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Missed this - 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26309#post-71753 Fri, 10 Jun 2011 22:46:49 +0000 rikkor 71753@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ant, you cnut, you should be helping newbies. I think it is pretty funny. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26309#post-71751 Fri, 10 Jun 2011 22:25:49 +0000 antharrison 71751@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Think was done a couple of years ago but still a funny headline </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26309#post-71675 Fri, 10 Jun 2011 10:55:53 +0000 Re Pete 71675@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Any better punchlines welcomed. Cheers! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=26309#post-71674 Fri, 10 Jun 2011 10:55:05 +0000 Re Pete 71674@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>John Newman, a 54-year-old building supplies manager, emerged from what had been thought to be a persistent vegetative state, and was reportedly devastated at how little the world had changed during his time in a coma -- most particularly by the failure to develop personal jet-packs as a mode of transport. </p> <p>Doctors described Newman’s sudden recovery as "a medical miracle", but the lifelong science-fiction fan remained obsessed with how little technology had progressed since he had received serious head injuries in a scaffolding collapse. The patient, when told what had happened to him, had many questions, but these principally related to why nobody was wearing lycra uniforms, and whether his brain surgeon had been a super-intelligent but wise-cracking robot with a Bronx accent. </p> <p>Newman was even off his food after his revival, turning down a hospital meal of tomato soup, lamb casserole and jam roly-poly upon discovering it would not be provided in single pill form. So far Newman’s family has been unable to console him as he adjusts to life in a virtually unchanged world. When Jean Newman, the 56-year-old emotionally exhausted mother of his three children, came to visit he was heard to say "Oh for Christ’s sake, not even an elixir of youth?" and then sulked for the remainder of visiting time. </p> <p>Medics are hopeful that Newman will learn to adapt once again to his remarkably familiar old life and have seen some cause for optimism. One topic of amazement and wonder for the recovering man was the news that the Liberal Democrats are in government in the UK. Upon being reminded he had only been unconscious for two-weeks, he replied, "Exactly. Even with their compromised morals I’d never have believed they would last that long." </p>