http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24058 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 04:51:03 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24058#post-65638 Thu, 21 Apr 2011 11:36:30 +0000 Danny 65638@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nothing beats a good bit of toilet humour, why we waste our time on satire I don't know! Have some stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24058#post-65625 Thu, 21 Apr 2011 10:47:27 +0000 Scroat 65625@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It's definitely a floater. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24058#post-65612 Thu, 21 Apr 2011 09:14:28 +0000 DrTurmoil 65612@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks you all for your input. Or should that be output. Dr Turdmoil is better than being called Dr Gillian McKeith I suppose.</p> <p>I'm also enjoying the irony of this particular post continually floating to the top. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24058#post-65611 Thu, 21 Apr 2011 09:08:09 +0000 Screenie 65611@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice job, especially when you only had shite to work with. I particularly like 'associated scuffing'. In the context of your article that is, not generally. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24058#post-65610 Thu, 21 Apr 2011 09:01:11 +0000 riesler 65610@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>On my hols I drank too much Retsina<br /> It tasted like lavatory cleaner<br /> The sky was so blue<br /> the Aegean was too<br /> but my face just got greener and greener. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24058#post-65597 Thu, 21 Apr 2011 07:28:23 +0000 Scroat 65597@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Don't know why, but what a fascinating thread. Have some stars too.</p> <p>Re Greece. I was a little uncertain about a holiday there some years ago, and couldn't understand why they still had small-bore plumbing in the cradle of civilisation etc. However my fears were unfounded, as the amount of oil in our diet had a beneficial effect on the digestive system.</p> <p>Any jokes about not swimming in the Mediterrranean, just going through the motions? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24058#post-65588 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 23:27:55 +0000 rikkor 65588@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Turmoil, your sub is getting some play. You may have to change your nom to Dr. Turdmoil.</p> <p>Oh, and Sinnick, I don't find barium necessary. Usually, just a fried egg and some coffee will cause me to do the quick step. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24058#post-65587 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 23:25:41 +0000 rikkor 65587@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Riesler, I went to an absolutely new luxury hotel in Greece that still had those spray hoses we use at the kitchen sink that you have to use to flush your number twos properly. What is it with a country that has kitchen sink hoses installed next to every toilet? I just should have left the results of my 6' 5" of digestive abilities all over their effed-up country. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24058#post-65577 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 19:54:01 +0000 Sinnick 65577@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Don't have a Barium meal before a dinner party. Just don't. Heavy stuff. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24058#post-65558 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 15:44:18 +0000 beau-jolly 65558@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well, get you and your fancy water closets. Next you'll be boasting that its indoors. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24058#post-65557 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 15:32:44 +0000 riesler 65557@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Surely can't be worse than Greece, where you have to save second-hand loo paper in a little bin. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24058#post-65555 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 15:29:47 +0000 DrTurmoil 65555@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wow. The flushing capabilities of the indoor plumbing in Kosovo must have been appalling if you had to start hiding your identity. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24058#post-65546 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 13:40:08 +0000 rikkor 65546@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>No, that's a picture of my dog Rikkor. I have to keep my identity under wraps because of a little misunderstanding in Kosovo a few years back. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24058#post-65498 Wed, 20 Apr 2011 08:26:40 +0000 DrTurmoil 65498@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you sir. If your profile picture is in any way accurate, just getting you up onto the seat is an achievement in house training anyway. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24058#post-65445 Tue, 19 Apr 2011 19:05:36 +0000 rikkor 65445@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cinq. I've been there, but it helps being a man as we are supposed to be disgusting. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24058#post-65378 Tue, 19 Apr 2011 13:14:16 +0000 DrTurmoil 65378@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheek! The very idea of it. I'll have you know I wouldn't be seen dead in Woking. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24058#post-65377 Tue, 19 Apr 2011 13:07:35 +0000 Pinhead 65377@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Based on a true story? Not my business mind. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24058#post-65369 Tue, 19 Apr 2011 12:20:46 +0000 DrTurmoil 65369@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Amy Higgins was in a race against time with the cistern of a lavatory in Surrey yesterday, after a single flush at an intimate dinner party for six proved itself not up to the job.</p> <p>Several minutes have already passed since Higgins left the table between the mains and pud, to deal with an unexpected situation, which she blamed on an earlier excess of lentils (“I’d like the guy from the healthfood shop to get in here now and explain to me again how they’re a super fucking food”). And now the window of opportunity for Higgins conceivably merely “powdering her nose” is rapidly ending. </p> <p>Higgins said: “It’s not something you want to do in someone else’s house at the best of times, but I’d dodged a bullet when the dog took the fall for me during the beef wellington, and it became clear that sitting it out was not an option. When Phillip launched into his anecdote on negative equity I grabbed my chance to evacuate”. </p> <p>The operation had initially been a text book example, with loo roll in abundance and the emergency match kept in her purse for just such occasions doing its job effectively. However the episode of “unexpected buoyancy” which became evident as the first flush died down, was exacerbated by an over-eager second crank of the handle before the tank had time to re-load, resulting in ineffectual bobbling, and some associated scuffing along the waterline of the bowl. A further attack with the toilet brush was deemed too risky, escape through the toilet window impractical, and a “grab, roll up, and bag” recovery exercise dismissed as “too disgusting, even for Woking”. </p> <p>Meanwhile, time is rapidly running out.</p> <p>“If it doesn’t sound full in 30 seconds I’m just going to have to cover it in toilet paper and gamble” announced Higgins. </p> <p>“Then I’ll dash back in here straight after dessert and pray no-one beats me to it. If anyone looks at me funny I’ll just tell them I’m bullimic.” </p>