http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23725 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 22:21:28 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23725#post-64626 Wed, 13 Apr 2011 08:37:13 +0000 be reasonable 64626@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Feel free to use this one if you want:<br /> <a href="http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21050" rel="nofollow">http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21050</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23725#post-64620 Wed, 13 Apr 2011 07:59:05 +0000 Oxbridge 64620@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Mr Bush vowed to continue defending America's borders against terriers. However, Monty, a three-year-old border terrier from Ledbury, Herefordshire, said that he was perfectly capable of defending himself. Added Monty: "Yap yap yap yap yap. I love you. What's for supper? Yap yap yap yap yap." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23725#post-64595 Tue, 12 Apr 2011 21:45:11 +0000 Screenie 64595@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cant beat a good dog pun. Stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23725#post-64480 Tue, 12 Apr 2011 10:58:56 +0000 Ostsee 64480@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>One should not mock the afflicted, though I do not suppose he is any more afflicted than those who elected him. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23725#post-64464 Tue, 12 Apr 2011 10:01:08 +0000 SteveCut 64464@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Love it, Batmankoff. I've reworked it a bit. How about something like this:</p> <p><strong><u>Bush declares 'War on Terriers'</u></strong></p> <p>Former U.S. President, George W. Bush is remaining vigilant in his retirement. He is now calling for assertive action against what he terms as 'irresponsible canine fundamentalists and their reactionary running dogs.'</p> <p>Bush's initiative is a result of friction with his neighbours, Cletus and Baylee Johnson. The Johnsons' twin cross terriers, Osama and Adnan, are understood to have gained unauthorised access to Bush's garden and have left what Bush described as “an inde... indescrib... err... nondescript trail of havoc and destruction” in their wake. “These terriers have no respect for our traditional American middle-class values,” stated Bush. “I don't even wish to know that trailer park exists, let alone suffer their uncontrolled dogs running all over my property. They crapped all over my lawn, for Chris-sakes!”</p> <p>“These terriers show no respect for authority,” added Bush. “I repeatedly told them, 'Do not piss on the geraniums! Do not piss on the geraniums! Watch... My... Lips! Do not piss on the geraniums!' You know what they did? Yeah, you guessed it. Laura's pride and joy destroyed in seconds by precision targeting, cock-legged infidels. It was like trying to communicate with Democrats,” remarked Bush.</p> <p>Bush has called for a 'coalition of the willing' to take the fight to the terriers. “This provocative act cannot be tolerated,” he declared. “Terriers are a threat to our very way of life. Either you are with us, or you are with the terriers.”</p> <p>Support for Bush's call for action has come swiftly from Donald Rumsfeld. “Normally I don't do dogs,” stated the former U.S. Defense Secretary, “but I have personally witnessed Laura's devastated floral borders and am convinced that this damage can only have been caused by weapons of mass destruction, or - in layman's terms - dogs. I can assure the American people that I will leave no stone unturned in the hunt for the culprits. We already have certain knowledge that Osama and Adnan are either in the trailer park, or in some other garden, or dead.”</p> <p>Fundamentalist British Terrier group, the National Canine Defence League (NCDL) were quick to respond to the Bush initiative. They have released a grainy videotape purporting to be a statement from shadowy, bearded NCDL leader, Sir Nigel Warburton. In it, Sir Nigel offers an unequivocal promise of a safe haven for all terriers which has infuriated Bush supporters. However, time may well be running out for Sir Nigel. American Special Intelligence units are said to have narrowed down his location to a secret terrier training camp in the village of Snetterton, Norfolk. They are expected to be able to pinpoint his exact position within the next few years.</p> <p>Despite the escalating tension, Bush ended his appeal on a positive note; promoting conciliation and harmony. “I famously once said that I believe that human beings and fish can coexist peacefully. I see no reason why dogs should be any different,” he asserted. “Anyway, Donald and I need a break now. We're off to the lake. Did you remember to pack my fishing tackle, Laura?” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23725#post-64452 Tue, 12 Apr 2011 09:21:35 +0000 arthurminnit 64452@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>at least he's leaving the tourists alone now!</p> <p>and the French have banned barkas, apparently, in support of mr bush. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23725#post-64411 Mon, 11 Apr 2011 20:21:23 +0000 Batmankoff 64411@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Edits and more dog based pun work welcome and much appreciated </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23725#post-64410 Mon, 11 Apr 2011 20:15:11 +0000 Anonymous 64410@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>He'll never train 'em.<br /> Look into a Westie's eyes and what do you see? Barely concealed insolence. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23725#post-64405 Mon, 11 Apr 2011 19:18:58 +0000 Batmankoff 64405@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In retirement former president has began his war on terriers, sources close to George W. Bush have indicated today. "They are a threat to our very way of life, you're either with us or you're with the terriers." He told his wife, after next doors brown toy terriers, Osama (2) and Islam (4), defecated on his lawn.</p> <p>"This provocative act cannot be tolerated. If the terriers had their way we'd all be walking around on four legs and pooping in our gardens. They want to impose their canine fundamentalist ideals on the US. These dogs hate freedom."</p> <p>Bush is seeking a UN resolution to invade his neighbours house in an attempt to search for weapons of mass destruction. The dogs' owners, the Johnsons, were unavailable to comment. A spokesperson of the Terrier cell of Al-Qaeda has sent submitted a VHS tape to various international news outlets. Poor quality and hard to decipher it seems to suggest an escalation of the violent campaign against Mr. Bush, "Bark, bark! Death to the West!" says the extremist masked dog brandishing a squeaky toy RPG.</p> <p>Bush's chances of a "coalition of the willing" seem miniscule. Many point to the recreation room in next door's basement. "Iraq had oil and the Johnsons have a pool-table and a dart board. Bush is just pursuing a selfish agenda to take it" said a senior UN diplomat.</p> <p>Former British PM, Tony Blair, has came out in support of his ally and cites the special relationship between British and American dogs. " I believe the actions of these dogs have been unforgivable and immoral, I will stand behind Mr. Bush in any action he chooses to take. Be that calling the dog warden, a prolonged occupation or an airstrike on the extremist dogs." He also reiterated the threat the dogs posed to the UK, "We believe extremist dogs may have infiltrated Crufts and their fundamentalist views now predominate among dog shows all across Britain."</p> <p>Bush ended on a positive note, promoting conciliation and peace, "I once said that I believe that human beings and fish can co-exist peacefully. I see no reason why dogs should be any different." </p>