http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 15:25:04 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252#post-63345 Fri, 01 Apr 2011 15:28:30 +0000 rikkor 63345@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In Rhode Island, "mentalist" means "most mental" as in "that crazy bitch is the mentalist teacher at my school!" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252#post-63252 Fri, 01 Apr 2011 03:00:16 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 63252@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>As the realisation gradually dawns on my intellectually challenged cerebellum...it becomes increasingly clear to me that I am surrounded by mentalists.</p> <p>I shall bother you all no more.</p> <p>Until the morrow. Or perhaps the day after. All depends which way the washing blows really.</p> <p>I shall though, at some juncture submit a worthy satirical contribution to this esteemed organ.</p> <p>If it f**king kills me...</p> <p>Shuttlecock the Elder. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252#post-63181 Thu, 31 Mar 2011 14:54:47 +0000 Jeremy Hunt 63181@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Rikkor you are.Would a phone call hurt ? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252#post-63178 Thu, 31 Mar 2011 14:35:26 +0000 rikkor 63178@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Martin, I am Jeremy's brother, Mike Hunt. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252#post-63156 Thu, 31 Mar 2011 13:43:28 +0000 be reasonable 63156@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Shuttlecock can be treated with a minor surgical procedure, y'know; mind you, if they get it wrong, you become a lady, or Brian Cox. Is it me, or does he look a bit like James Blunt? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252#post-63140 Thu, 31 Mar 2011 13:02:32 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 63140@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks jp - I realised that when I'd finished it...</p> <p>had a bit of a d'oh! moment there.</p> <p>Never mind.</p> <p>Shuttlecock </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252#post-63064 Thu, 31 Mar 2011 06:56:21 +0000 jp1885 63064@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Welcome Martin - Submissions are posted in the Writers' Room :-) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252#post-63061 Thu, 31 Mar 2011 06:04:09 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 63061@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you Jeremy Hunt, for the gracious welcome.</p> <p>And thank you be reasonable for...well, being reasonable really.</p> <p>I'm not sure what "but what" means. But I'm pretty sure it's well intended.</p> <p>I thought I was posting a story/article entry there. That's what can happen when you're relaxing with a Bud - the beer I mean...</p> <p>Look, I'm new here - go easy on me, okay?</p> <p>Jeeze - is that the time?</p> <p>The wife's gonna KILL me!</p> <p>Toodle pip.</p> <p>Shuttlecock. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252#post-63055 Thu, 31 Mar 2011 05:16:16 +0000 be reasonable 63055@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Welcome, but, what? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252#post-63054 Thu, 31 Mar 2011 04:37:31 +0000 Jeremy Hunt 63054@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hello Martin Shuttlecock.I'm Jeremy Hunt.Welcome to NewsBiscuit. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252#post-63029 Wed, 30 Mar 2011 20:22:47 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 63029@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think I just made a right arse of this.</p> <p>It was meant to be a story submission.</p> <p>If anyone of you lovely people could point me in the right direction, I'll be eternally grateful.</p> <p>But no sex. I'm happily married, thankyou very much.</p> <p>That'll teach me to post stuff when I've been drinking.</p> <p>Shame on me.</p> <p>Shuttlecock. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252#post-63023 Wed, 30 Mar 2011 20:15:25 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 63023@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Welcome to Britain in crisis.</p> <p>Most people fail to actually recognise that we're a nation in crisis, but Britain's largest organ, The Daily Male, insists that we are.</p> <p>As we wage yet another war in a country most of us have no interest whatsoever in, with equipment we don't have, and as we combat anarchy in the streets with police officers who will soon become anarchists themselves, and the bins start getting emptied on a six monthly basis...</p> <p>Britain has infinitely more pressing questions to answer.</p> <p>Is it all over between Jordan and the Daily Star? Is Peter Andre really going to propose to Kerry Katona in an Iceland store near you? Is Manchester City's Balotelli off his nut? Will Midsomer Murders really work with a new leading man? Will anarchists disrupt the Royal Wedding? Will Sky News's Anna Botting ever develop a sympathetic demeanour? Will a Wonka like Derek Acorah ever get a new series? Is any of the crap they sell on the late night shopping channels of any use whatsoever?</p> <p>And anyway...who cares?</p> <p>Who really gives a toss?</p> <p>The bottom line is that we're all pretty well screwed anyway. But according to the 'Male' it would be wrong to blame the bankers - those incompetent money grubbing nitwits who got just about everything wrong and plunged the world into recession.</p> <p>It wasn't the bankers' fault.</p> <p>They were just doing their jobs, investing everybody's hard earned in monkey nut futures. They weren't to know. Blaming the bankers for the recession is like blaming Lesley Ash's lips for a downturn in the cosmetic surgery industry.</p> <p>No foundation for it.</p> <p>So just relax - David Cameron has yet again made it all "perfectly clear" whilst obscuring the issue entirely, that we are all irrevocably fucked. Right up the arse. With a silver bullet - or a golden rivet, depending on your preferences.</p> <p>In conclusion: Let's all do a Berlusconi...</p> <p>Lie back, think of Napoli, and live to fight another day.</p> <p>A bit like the French - except they tend to think of Marseille rather than Napoli.</p> <p>Jeeze - whatever next?</p> <p>Jose Mourinho back in the Premiership? Andy Murray winning Wimbledon?</p> <p>According to the Male, all things are possible, but probably won't be realised as we're all DOOMED!</p> <p>More crap as we get it. </p>