http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2212 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 14:50:23 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2212#post-6736 Fri, 09 Apr 2010 15:58:09 +0000 malgor 6736@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good stuff. But I think a 'kick up the arse' for Nick Clegg is stretching credulity. '..I should at least get a funny look.' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2212#post-6732 Fri, 09 Apr 2010 15:36:27 +0000 Mary Evans 6732@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Storming stuff, as always Ludo. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2212#post-6688 Fri, 09 Apr 2010 10:20:25 +0000 Ostsee 6688@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Use a baseball bat instead. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2212#post-6673 Fri, 09 Apr 2010 09:48:22 +0000 theumpire 6673@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I have reported Mrs Grebe to the ECB. I agree that steps must be taken against these bloody canvassers, but misuse of a cricket bat is going too far!</p> <p>Great sub, Lucy - plus 5 from me. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2212#post-6632 Fri, 09 Apr 2010 08:06:09 +0000 Ludicity 6632@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks Scroat. Just punched my first canvasser this morning. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2212#post-6507 Thu, 08 Apr 2010 12:51:16 +0000 Scroat 6507@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ludo. Another FP as I live and breathe. Excellent! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2212#post-6505 Thu, 08 Apr 2010 12:47:19 +0000 Ludicity 6505@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>“Voters are legally entitled to punch, kick and scratch anyone turning up at their door and asking for their vote," said Lord Justice Judge, "It is clear provocation.” </p> <p>The landmark ruling follows a number of high profile cases in which prospective parliamentary candidates were beaten to a bloody pulp on the doorstep. “When I opened my door this madman began hitting me with a list of manifesto pledges,” said voter, Mrs Maureen Grebe, “When he started trying to kiss my baby I did what anyone would do in my situation. I twatted him round the head with a cricket bat.” </p> <p>“The Representation of the People Act clearly states that voters can physically defend themselves against anyone wearing a rosette and carrying campaign literature,” said constitutional expert, Professor Vernon Bogdanor, “personally I find that a swift punch to the nose followed by a double finger jab to the eyes usually does the trick.”</p> <p>Candidates are now so concerned about increasing 'voter violence' that they are starting to wear protective body armour. However, this may only lead to further attacks when voters discover that many MPs have claimed their flak jackets on expenses. </p> <p>Gordon Brown defended the use of electoral body armour. “Nobody can accuse me of failing to supply the proper equipment on this one,” he said, “and I think you will find that during this campaign there won’t be any shortage of helicopters either.”</p> <p>However, David Cameron was already complaining that his body armour was not fit for purpose: “This is yet another example of Broken Britain,” he whined, as he lay on the floor being repeatedly kicked by an enraged mob voting with their feet.</p> <p>Nick Clegg has so far remained unscathed. “This is so unfair,” he said, “Under a system of proportional representation I should at least get a good kick up the arse.”</p> <p>There are concerns that the bloodshed will only rise as insurgent voters start to plant IEDs, or Improvised Electoral Devices, up their driveways. “I have every right to defend myself against these bastards,” said Mrs Grebe, “If any of them come to my door again the only thing they will be claiming on expenses will be prosthetic limbs.” </p>