http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 23 May 2013 02:10:11 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567&page=2#post-59342 Wed, 02 Mar 2011 08:35:58 +0000 Golgo13 59342@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you Textbook. That's exactly what I was going for. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567&page=2#post-59335 Wed, 02 Mar 2011 02:43:27 +0000 Textbook 59335@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I thought this was hilarious. Different style of comedy to the type you usually find here. The story itself is not actually funny, it's just the wildly inappropriate fixation on her death that becomes gradually ever more amusing with repetition. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567&page=2#post-58663 Thu, 24 Feb 2011 00:09:24 +0000 rikkor 58663@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You may take this as fact. FYI, The Shiny Thinge in the Scottish Regalia is variously described as a circlet of massy gold of trefoil design with London hallmarks from 1361 set with a 272-carat unfaceted pigeon's-blood ruby known as the Black Prince's Carbuncle, or a gold (?)-electroplated circle pin with a bit of red glass in it.</p> <p>The Electric Beaters of Destiny (harvest gold color) are only employed when preparing special Maundy Thursday merinques if HM The Queen is in residence at Holyrood House during Eastertide. It is a calumny to suggest that Princess Margaret Rose ever used them as a "marital aid." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567&page=2#post-58647 Wed, 23 Feb 2011 20:42:31 +0000 The All New Jeni B 58647@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I bow to your superior research skills Rikkor.<br /> Can I take that as absolute fact, and save myself the hassle of looking it up for my forthcoming exams? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567&page=2#post-58534 Wed, 23 Feb 2011 06:48:56 +0000 Gerontius 58534@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good work Rikkor,keep it coming. This has all the makings of an outrageous camp comedy - ‘Will and her Grace’....or should that be ‘Will and Herr Grace’<br /> Will – William Windsor<br /> Grace – Kate Middleton<br /> Jack – Harry Hewitt<br /> Karen – Prince Phillip<br /> Rosa – Betty Windsor </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567&page=2#post-58528 Wed, 23 Feb 2011 00:06:40 +0000 rikkor 58528@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Act in Scotland</p> <p>Following the union of England and Scotland by the Acts of Union 1707, Scotland continued to have its own treason laws until 1708, when an act of the British Parliament abolished Scottish treason law and extended English treason law to Scotland. The Treason Act 1708 also made it treason to counterfeit the Great Seal of Scotland, and to kill the Scottish Lords of Session and Lords of Justiciary (in addition to forging the British – formerly English – seal, and killing English judges). However while in England and Ireland forgery of the seal of Great Britain ceased to be treason in 1861, this change did not take place in Scotland until years later. Also, forging the Scottish seal is still treason in Scotland, but has not been treason in England or Ireland since 1861.</p> <p>The 1351 Act still applies in Scotland today, and is a reserved matter which the Scottish Parliament has no power to modify. </p> <p>It is also treason in Scotland to insult in word or deed The Regalia of Scotland, to wit: The Shiny Thinge (mid-1300's?), The Electric Beaters of Destiny (manufactured by Hamilton Beach, 1978) and The Nice Crocheted Tea Cosy of Perth (date unknown.) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567&page=2#post-58525 Tue, 22 Feb 2011 23:11:34 +0000 ronseal 58525@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it!</p> <p>At least Golgo is doing some work.</p> <p>I don't know if Rikkor is right or wrong. He used to be a lot less constitutional.</p> <p>If you can't predict the Queen's death, it must be hard for her GP to write any serious prescriptions.<br /> If he prescribed beta blockers, in a way he's predicting that she might have a heart attack. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567#post-58518 Tue, 22 Feb 2011 22:41:36 +0000 The All New Jeni B 58518@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh, lovely piece by the way Golgo, have some pointy things. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567#post-58516 Tue, 22 Feb 2011 22:37:29 +0000 The All New Jeni B 58516@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Erm, I beg to differ Rikkor.<br /> I DO know about our laws, well Scots law.<br /> And if I don't, I must have been dreaming of all those lectures on Constitutional law.</p> <p>However, I have neither the time nor inclination to research where Scots law stands on treason, as at the the time of the aforementioned Act, Scotland was a separate and independent country and therefore unfettered by Acts of the English Parliament.</p> <p>It is possible that the Act of Union may have set out the legislation which would encompass treason, but as Golgo was unable to find any mention of an updated version in his research I can only presume that the Scots law relating to it will still stand. However, I have a sneaking suspicion that with the Act of Union many, if not all preceding Scots law fell into desuetude, effectively leaving Scotland without any statute governing this.</p> <p>I could be wrong though. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567#post-58512 Tue, 22 Feb 2011 21:57:41 +0000 beau-jolly 58512@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>OUR laws and history, rikkor, until relatively recently. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567#post-58511 Tue, 22 Feb 2011 21:42:28 +0000 rikkor 58511@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I am proven right, of course. You people know nothing about your own laws or history. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567#post-58435 Tue, 22 Feb 2011 15:19:29 +0000 John Wiltshire 58435@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>And a lot of overpriced 'official' tat from a trading estate in Essex (dodgy trading estates are also available in other counties). </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567#post-58430 Tue, 22 Feb 2011 15:04:25 +0000 riesler 58430@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>that's a lot of Bell's whisky decanters. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567#post-58429 Tue, 22 Feb 2011 15:01:45 +0000 beau-jolly 58429@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wedding - Jubilee - Phil's 90th/Funeral - Coronation - Abdication - Coronation - Harry's wedding - Kate and Will's baby - Christening... They could keep the Middletons' tacky_royal_gifts.com going forever. Think of all the new bank holidays. God bless 'em. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567#post-58426 Tue, 22 Feb 2011 14:52:32 +0000 John Wiltshire 58426@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>And remember what the Queen said about her daughter: Anne is horribilus! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567#post-58422 Tue, 22 Feb 2011 14:46:06 +0000 riesler 58422@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>remember, a Queen is not just for Christmas... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567#post-58419 Tue, 22 Feb 2011 14:32:48 +0000 AndyOverhead 58419@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lest we forget, certain inhabitants of this fine (ahem) nation have spent countless minutes, possibly even hours, spouting the benefits of the removal of the monarchy. At this point in time, I am not aware of any treason charges being brought upon them.<br /> Personally, I am all for the monarchy. Look what happened to France! Damn, they are disliked more than us! But I digress...<br /> I dare say there are also several residents of these isles that would see a successful assassination attempt as a gesture of victory in what my colleague tells me is described glibly as 'a war against the west', and hell, they aren't even ploughing the comedic furrow for our entertainment.<br /> The upshot is, I forget my point.<br /> Plough on Golgo, plough on :)<br /> Perhaps you could incorporate into the story some clarification that any planned events, celebrations, items of crockery etc are reliant on the queen staying alive? :p </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567#post-58417 Tue, 22 Feb 2011 14:13:43 +0000 John Wiltshire 58417@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You mean you believe something because it's on Wikipedia?</p> <p>And anyway, just because all the previous monarchs have died (apparently, though what evidence do you have?), that's not to say that the Queen will. You may cite a probability, but unless you have concrete proof that every other monarch has died, you can't say for certain that she will.</p> <p>And supposing she abdicates? Then you will have to prove that all former monarchs have died, as well as all women. And as some are still alive, that's not possible.</p> <p>You treasonous republicans have a lot to prove... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567#post-58415 Tue, 22 Feb 2011 14:09:50 +0000 thisisall1word 58415@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hmmm... where to we stand legally with a female monarch?<br /> "when a man doth compass or imagine the death of our lord the King, or of our lady his Queen or of their eldest son and heir"<br /> It's written as King and the Queen is referred to only in the role as wife of the King.</p> <p>Until this is cleared up I will be compassing the death of everyone on the planet as my massive moon based laser takes shape.</p> <p>oh, ***** as well </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567#post-58405 Tue, 22 Feb 2011 13:47:36 +0000 Golgo13 58405@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well, actually Rikkor may be right. Perhaps it is treason to speculate about the Queen's death. </p> <p>Although the Treason Act 1351 was written in Norman French, the more usually cited English translation of the first of the four offences to be condidered 'treason' is:<br /> <blockquote>"when a man doth compass <strong><em>or imagine</em></strong> the death of our lord the King, or of our lady his Queen or of their eldest son and heir";<br /> </blockquote><br /> The definitions in this act still form the legal basis for the definition of treason in the UK. While most have taken 'imagine' to mean 'plot' or 'plan', it does open the door to the charge Rikkor made - that I was guilty of treason by imagination.</p> <p>Believe me - I hesitated long and hard, allowing a full 15 hours to elapse between the announcement of the diamond jubilee emblem and posting the sub. I posted this sub in knowledge that I could be looking at treason charges, and yet I still went ahead. Why?</p> <p>Because I believe comedy has a duty to do more than entertain - it can challenge, usurp and lay bare hypocrisy.</p> <p>For centuries we have lived under pain of death, forced to mouth the manifestly false belief that our King or Queen can reign over us indefinitely.</p> <p>But it is a historical <strong>FACT</strong> that none of our Monarchs has lived forever.<br /> (Check out this link I found. It'll blow. your. mind.)<br /> <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kings_and_queens_of_England" rel="nofollow">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kings_and_queens_of_England</a></p> <p>So go ahead - laugh it up with your iPhone jokes and your tree puns, while I stick my balls out on the line and expose the last taboo. </p> <p>The Queen is mortal. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567#post-58310 Tue, 22 Feb 2011 09:56:59 +0000 Doylem 58310@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>it is still treason to predict or speculate on the time of death of the Sovereign.</blockquote></p> <p>A week on Friday. It's alright, officer, I'll come quietly.<br /> And it's not treason... unless you stab her to death in one of her shipyards... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567#post-58305 Tue, 22 Feb 2011 09:49:32 +0000 mr blue 58305@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I've checked it and you're safe malgor. The offence is 'compassing the death of the sovereign, or of the sovereign's wife or eldest son and heir' and as you are merely speculating, rather than acting to bring about her maj's death, you won't be dragged off to the Tower.<br /> Probably. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567#post-58303 Tue, 22 Feb 2011 09:47:36 +0000 riesler 58303@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Two words guaranteed to promote monarchist tendencies...President Blair. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567#post-58278 Tue, 22 Feb 2011 07:24:29 +0000 Gerontius 58278@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Rikkor, you do realise Betty died several years ago and it’s a stunt double appearing on our stamps these days. It was either that or go with Chas ‘n Cammy.<br /> It’s true, when did you last see Stanley Baxter do a Christmas Special on TV – but don’t tell Prince Phillip, he knows nothing about it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567#post-58271 Tue, 22 Feb 2011 01:04:38 +0000 malgor 58271@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sorry. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567#post-58269 Mon, 21 Feb 2011 23:55:55 +0000 rikkor 58269@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>No. Those who know me best, would know that I would never be caught dead at a ceremony at a Protestant temple. I would sooner watch my grandmother eat rocks. But, I have happily visited the Abbey many times as a tourist.</p> <p>That being said, it is still treason to predict or speculate on the time of death of the Sovereign. Sorry possums, it just is. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567#post-58261 Mon, 21 Feb 2011 22:26:25 +0000 theumpire 58261@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Rikkor,</p> <p>Are you angling for an invite to the wedding? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567#post-58255 Mon, 21 Feb 2011 21:55:20 +0000 rikkor 58255@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Still treason. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567#post-58253 Mon, 21 Feb 2011 21:30:51 +0000 malgor 58253@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>And more subtle versions like '...all being well' and '...God willing.' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21567#post-58251 Mon, 21 Feb 2011 21:22:21 +0000 Golgo13 58251@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Quite right. I'm not saying I <em>want</em> her to die, but she is mortal. We all are. So I suppose it's about all plans being provisional on our surviving to see them through. </p> <p>"So I'll see you at the pub on Friday then."<br /> "Sure. Assuming neither of us dies before then, eh?"<br /> "Yes. If either of us dies, let's not bother."</p> <p>Or </p> <p>"Have a nice day at school, darling. I'll pick you up at five after netball practice. Unless..."</p> <p>Etc. </p>