http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=207 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 25 May 2013 20:08:57 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=207#post-616 Fri, 26 Feb 2010 09:44:26 +0000 brownpaperreporter 616@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>After Britain’s poor showing at the Winter Olympics a new sporting body has been set up and is calling for a radical and modernising change to the Winter sports schedule</p> <p>The new British Winter Sports Body are calling for traditional snow and ice based sports like ski-jump, downhill and ice skating to be modified. Their current suggestions of Downhill Tin Tray, and Super G Poly Bagging have met with some favourable murmurings from other European states such as Ireland and .... um, Ireland</p> <p>Ice skating is also to be replaced with Walking on thin river ice and a triathlon endurance event is proposed. Stage one involves setting out at night in a W-reg Renault Clio fuelled with only a gallon of petrol across un untreated B road, being trapped for three hours (or until you call for help) in a snow drift and then having to stay overnight in a village hall next to a 70-year old with no control of his bladder. The winner emerges next day for an all over wash in Dettol</p> <p>The Ice Scrum is a new event. Triggered by a radio flash that B&amp;Q has rock salt in stock, the race is on. Although deemed a non-contact sport, this event sees some of the bloodiest injuries as the hoard descend upon the bags and carry them out two at a time (trolleys strictly illegal). Fatigue quickly sets in as each competitor returns time and again and only the fittest survive</p> <p>The beauty is that no special training is involved, no hi-tech equipment needed and the entire British team’s budget for the 2014 Olympics will be no more than £30</p> <p>Latest comment from the USA, Japan and Norway is “piss off, losers” </p>