http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 25 May 2013 12:18:54 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197&page=2#post-1147 Wed, 03 Mar 2010 06:42:13 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 1147@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Mr Az, you have put it in a nutshell. Over to you for the tantième episode of Coronation Street which we will at attend with curiosity and suitably sustained interest. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197&page=2#post-1009 Tue, 02 Mar 2010 01:36:01 +0000 Quaz 1009@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Blimey, what have I started? I've just got fully back on line with a new laptop so I seem to have missed quite a lot. I think we need another thread for plot discussions (so as to avoid spoiling the flow of the story) and maybe another for dramatis personae and backstory details (that bit might not work so well in the thread format, might be better done as collabertive documents under google docs).</p> <p>Yes, let's shoot the characters.</p> <p>My thought was a sort of Eastenders / Corrie / Archers / Emerdale hybrid called "Town and Country".</p> <p>Out in my neck of the backwoods I live in a county town but work in the country, and that is not an uncommon thing. Many of the villages are too expensive for the people who work there to live in, so as I drive to work I see a stream of expensive cars leaving in the morning for the town, railway station, and on the local public school run, while the cheap motors and work vehicles head out of town to put in a day's work at mills, farms, garages, woods, building sites, well heeled gardens, and other general "real work". The local thatcher lives round the corner from me in the middle of the town, where there hasn't been a thatched roof since the last great fire in 1600 and odd.</p> <p>The two worlds, only half an hour apart, are connected by the interactions of the people and by the odd fact that some of the current town dwellers grew up in the villages and know more about the country locale and people than the current crop of middle class village dwellers. That said, the villages still have the odd "Eddie Grundy" and the town has it's desirable areas with middle class inhabitants.</p> <p>So, think 2 pubs-<br /> the Red Lion in the Village - Sand or Iron stone, dates back to 1780, freehouse, 2 bars, low end gastro pub food. Prides itself on a selction of real ales and decent wines. The owner has pretentions beyond his patrons.<br /> The Fuzzy Duck in the town - Red Brick, on a corner, dates back to 1900, tied house, one bar, crisps, nuts, and burger and chips if you are unlucky. Stella, Strongbow, John smiths, and one real ale which is akin to a game of intestinal Russian Roulette. Due to the smoking ban, the back yard "beer garden" resembles a tented refugee camp, and the patrons have expectations beyond the manager's limited capabilities.</p> <p>Did that pitch it to anyone?</p> <p>The village shop is run by a sassy Indian woman, lapsed Hindu, who calls everyone "Darling" in a 'luvy' way and has a very cosmopolitan view of the world, while the town's local corner shop is run by a middle aged Englishman who grew up in the shop, is welded to the small town and rarely leaves the shop except to go to the cash and carry (had to put those 2 in because they are based on real people). Both shops have a strange ability to seem to stock anything in the known universe, except for plutonium, which they have to order in specially on request. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197&page=2#post-1002 Mon, 01 Mar 2010 22:17:43 +0000 malgor 1002@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>FRENCHMAN (IN A FIELD): Ze Englise - typique! Zey all fucked off to ze pub, just ven ze Germans over ze border coming are. Alors, je will just 'ave to collaborate avec zem. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197&page=2#post-999 Mon, 01 Mar 2010 21:49:15 +0000 MrChigleysAunt 999@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Mr Hunter, I fear that, despite our sterling efforts, we have produced the NewsBisuit equivalent of El Dorado. I am inclined to enter the bar of the Anstruther arms, in the guise of El Chigglamente, and wipe out all the characters with a revolver. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197&page=2#post-974 Mon, 01 Mar 2010 19:52:55 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 974@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>(well, come on: we can't leave them giggling foolishly forever, pitch in!) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197&page=2#post-912 Mon, 01 Mar 2010 06:53:14 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 912@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>[CU Dobb's shaky hand fumbling for his cigarette packet in his pocket; he finds it and cracks a match....CU on flames]</p> <p>Flare to cosy wood fire in an ample hearth, crackling of flames and chimney roaring...</p> <p>PAULINE in her new silver lamé outfit crosses in front of the fireplace. </p> <p>CU DOLLY OUT: surprise! the dinner-jacketed figure of a man holding her by the waist is none other than - yes! - Mr Gene T. Van der Veldt, III.</p> <p>And who could blame her for dropping old Wretchedson, eh? They smile and snuggle, and sip their - are those martinis, they're drinking? More like G &amp; T.</p> <p>PAULINE: But explain to me about salt domes, what's so exciting about those?</p> <p>MR V III: You don't really want to know about those. </p> <p>PAULINE: Well that's true. But I'd like to be able to guess how long you'll be here.</p> <p>They giggle. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197&page=2#post-884 Sun, 28 Feb 2010 20:07:36 +0000 MrChigleysAunt 884@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>No takers? Well, in that case, I think we shall repair to the public bar of the Anstruther Arms where Dobbs is enjoying a contemplative pint, served by Gemma, daughter of popular landlady Mrs Lonnie Fitch.<br /> Your mum not around Gemma?<br /> No, she went out for a drive a while ago. Don't know where she's got to. She's been out a lot recently. And acting a bit funny if you must know.<br /> Not the only one Gemma, not the only one. I was up at the grandstand earlier and I heard voices. I went up to see and there was Mr Wretchedson all on his own, talking to hisself. He hasn't seemed quite right recently. A lot on his mind I guess.<br /> [Lonnie Fitch enters]<br /> Well, it's two years to the day since Pauline left. He's never come to terms with it.<br /> Oh,hello Lonnie, you're back are you. Gemma tells me you've bin gallivantin' all over the place. Anywhere interesting?<br /> That girl! she has no business with my business.<br /> I was only making conversation Ma. Like you tell me to.<br /> Why did Mrs Wretchedson leave, Lonnie? I never did get to the bottom of it.<br /> Another drink Dobbs? On the house.<br /> Ooh, ta, don't mind if I do Lonnie. That's very decent of you. So, why did she leave? Mr Wretchedson has always been a lovely guy to work for. Though that's not necessarily the same as being married to him I suppose.<br /> Oh, is that the time? I must get on, must get on. Gemma, get Mr Dobbs another pint.<br /> Will do Ma.<br /> Well, sounds like I'll have to wait a bit longer for the story Gemma. Now why don't you come round here and pop yourself up on this here bar stool? Now tell me, are those stockings you're wearing, or tights? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197&page=2#post-858 Sun, 28 Feb 2010 13:53:58 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 858@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>[OK. So let's take it back to Mimsy and Pauline, who's in a swishy fitting room set up. Elegantly coiffed shopgirls swarm, one of them is modelling a silver lamé evening gown slit to mid-thigh.</p> <p>Cocktails are offered on a silver salver. Production values.]</p> <p>DIALOGUE: </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197#post-856 Sun, 28 Feb 2010 13:38:50 +0000 virtuallywill 856@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ninja 1: How much did you give him<br /> Ninja 2: Don't start I gave the correct amount, it shows on the bottle.</p> <p>ACTION: Ninja 2 throws bottle, Ninja 1 fumbles catch, Phial breaks and cuts hand.</p> <p>CLOSE UP: Broken phial on bloody hand, label of bottle reads "KETAMINE"</p> <p>CAMERA PULLS BACK</p> <p>Ninja 1 collapsed on NewsBiscuit.<br /> NewsBiscuit stirs.</p> <p>CLOSE UP: NewsBiscuits nostrils flare, Ninja 2 tries to hold horse and is knocked unconcious.</p> <p>TRACKING SHOT: NewsBiscuit runs to edge of field, jumps fence, we see the name of the farm on a worn hand painted sign "Silver Blaze" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197#post-848 Sun, 28 Feb 2010 12:43:58 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 848@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>OK. I've delivered the horse. Where are the satirists? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197#post-847 Sun, 28 Feb 2010 12:42:37 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 847@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>[It's about time we had titles and credits rolling. Here's the Title Scene for The Long Shot. The shoot-time will rival Altman's setup for The Player.]</p> <p>Twilight desolate cityscape, Roman backalleys, DOLLY OUT :: washing on lines and householders at their windows [CU, DOLLY UP]<br /> FAT LADY (hanging bloomers on the first-floor washing line) : <em>Voi che sapete....etc.</em><br /> [TRAVELING to next 1st floor window] FATTER LADY: I told him, Angelo, I said, I told him don't go, Angelo. I told Angleo, don't go and don't take the rent money, Angelo, and he did n he went and he took the rent money, but I said to him, Angelo, I said and I told him: Angelo.....</p> <p>[voice fadeout as DOLLY OUT, TRAVELLING,</p> <p>VIS: bucket of water out the window, camera follows as it hits the pavement at:</p> <p>STREET LEVEL]Camera follows a fleeting Vespa - maybe it's Angelo, stops to let a leggy cutie on board [that's your 6 min thrill, right there: legs and heels and vroom-vroom] - then view switches and picks up the trail of a large black van as it reaches the autostrada feeder road (we'll get co-production)and (no! not cut yet, but helicopter view of Van as it finds it's way to an open field behind the rolling credits, across the field to a dilapidated barn. [Scream OFF: that's the Grip. We just lost the grip. We'll have to dub sound in the lab...too bad.]</p> <p>Out of the shadows leap two skinny ninja-like knaves who open the door to the van.</p> <p>CAMERA FOLLOWS :: [No! no cut! Not yet! Not yet!]and the door of the van opens to reveal:</p> <p>A horse gussied up in his NewsBiscuit blanket, stepping down the ramp. </p> <p>DIALOGUE: </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197#post-845 Sun, 28 Feb 2010 11:50:10 +0000 virtuallywill 845@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Movie!! I thought it was a soap</p> <p>I like the horse called NewsBiscuit idea, owned by a group of nervous satirists. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197#post-841 Sun, 28 Feb 2010 11:35:46 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 841@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The whole idea is that the vague meandering stories will converge, though they do not seem connected. We might need a sitting-room scene at the end, as in Poirot.</p> <p>Remember: the movie must have a highlight action every 6 to 8 minutes' run-time. Don't get bogged down or you'll get re-write. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197#post-840 Sun, 28 Feb 2010 11:21:21 +0000 MrChigleysAunt 840@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Late morning to mid-afternoonish I think. I'm sure the stories can converge. </p> <p>Can we have a famous retired race horse called NewsBiscuit in there somewhere? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197#post-836 Sun, 28 Feb 2010 10:54:15 +0000 virtuallywill 836@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I had not seen Mr Chigs Aunts writing when I posted mine, can the two stories converge.<br /> Auntie, in what time is your scene set? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197#post-834 Sun, 28 Feb 2010 10:47:34 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 834@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>[Scroll SUBTITLES:: "LOGO fischer price &gt;&gt; Toys for Tots at [Whatnots in Reading]LOGO" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197#post-833 Sun, 28 Feb 2010 10:36:35 +0000 virtuallywill 833@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><strong>Exterior</strong><br /> Dusk</p> <p>On a windswept moor, a place where heathens fear to tread, two cars meet.<br /> They stop in the middle of the road.<br /> Headlights on.<br /> Out of the DeLorean steps Mr. Van der Veldt, mid 40's dresses smart but casual, a tall healthy looking man, though walks with a cane.<br /> The driver of the red Astra is Mrs. Lonnie Fitch, approaching 50, dressed to kill.</p> <p> Van: Are we ready to go ahead</p> <p> Lonnie: It's been four years, don't I get a hello.</p> <p> Van: Getting friendly is what caused the problems before,<br /> we only do business well.</p> <p> Lonnie: Maybe, I bought the land, we drill here.</p> <p> Van: Clitheroe will be bigger than Dallas.</p> <p> Lonnie: Maybe. However we have a meeting with the<br /> council planning committe tomorrow.<br /> Mining and minerals sub-group<br /> M/s Fisher, the chair cannot be bought.</p> <p> Van: Everyone has a price, what's the Fisher price. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197#post-832 Sun, 28 Feb 2010 10:35:00 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 832@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>[FLASHBACK, LSD effects]An overcoated person gets into the back seat of a Rolls Royce, and the gaitered chauffeur quietly shuts the door and moves away. </p> <p>CAMERA :: Pullback to MV, reflections on the highly-polished windscreen and coachwork. </p> <p>SLOMO :: hatted persons in a vehicle murkily reflected as it moves past in the opposite direction. They look straight at the camera and cracking noises are heard. </p> <p>CUT. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197#post-831 Sun, 28 Feb 2010 10:20:26 +0000 MrChigleysAunt 831@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I may add more later. Or perhaps someone else can jump in. Let us see what a country walk with my muse, the lovely Mrs MrChigleysAunt, and the Chigley children does. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197#post-830 Sun, 28 Feb 2010 10:18:30 +0000 MrChigleysAunt 830@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The scene: Wretchedson's race course. Even on a bright summer's day, it would be clear that the course had seen better days - and those some time ago. But this is no summer's day. Dark clouds are building on the horizon and old betting slips scurry in the freshening wind. A storm is brewing. A man stands in the dilapidated grandstand, looking out over the course. He is clearly troubled. This is Ralph Wretchedson.<br /> Wretchedson, talking to himself:<br /> What to do? What am I to do? Oh mother, I've failed you. I said I'd keep this going, I said I'd make you proud, I said I'd keep the staff but I can't even keep my own wife. Why did she have to go? Am I such a bad husband? After tomorrow there's nothing. I must think of some way to save the race course. If only Pauline were here, she'd know what to do.<br /> [Enter Dobbs, an injured ex-jockey]<br /> Hello Dobbs.<br /> Mornin' sir, is everything all right?<br /> Oh yes, quite alright thank you Dobbs. I was just thinking how this place used to be.<br /> Ah, yes sir. The roar of the crowd, the hammering of hooves on firm ground, the fillies in their pretty dresses,no doubt with stockings and suspenders underneath, the..<br /> Yes, indeed Dobbs, those were the days. Is everything ready for tomorrow?<br /> Yes, sir, I'm just putting the final touches to the bunting. I just hope the weather holds.<br /> Good, good, then I won't keep you. Oh, and Dobbs?<br /> Yes sir?<br /> Nnothing.<br /> Right ho sir.<br /> [Scene 2]<br /> Meanwhile, in London, Pauline Wretchedson, estranged wife of Ralph, leaves a theatre by the stage door, clutching a bouquet of flowers.She is flushed with success. She meets 'Mimsy', the Duchess of Argyll, travelling companion.</p> <p>Mimsy: More flowers I see!<br /> Oh yes, Mimsy, Mr Astchap has been to every matinee performance this week. And every time he brings flowers. I rather think he likes me.<br /> Well, you have a fine contralto voice Pauline, and you can't go wrong with Iolanthe.<br /> Oh, Mimsy, you are silly some times. I mean that I think he likes ME. You know, I don't think I've ever been happier. I shall never want to leave London,never.</p> <p>Scene 3.<br /> Back at the race course, something attracts Ralph Wretchedson's attention. He raises his binoculars. There, in the distance at the edge of Mattock's Leap, a figure stands, also with binoculars, looking straight at Ralph. Ralph shivers, wraps his Barbour around him, adjusts his racing trilby and walks off. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197#post-818 Sun, 28 Feb 2010 07:53:27 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 818@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>THE LONG SHOT<br /> (Working Title) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197#post-817 Sun, 28 Feb 2010 07:43:36 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 817@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>RECASTING: Cast of characters (separated by a comma): the Duchess of Argyll (a minor part as chaperone to Pauline); Pauline herself, credentialed contralto and singer of Gilbert &amp; Sullivan Operas, Mr Mandel Wretchedson, a race-track owner, High Billy the wonder horse, Mr Astchap, an auctioneer from Sotheby's, Mr &amp; Mrs Gene T. Van der Veldt, III American tourists, a BBC camera crew.</p> <p>It's all going to be far too much hard work without an occasional pint, and so to the above <em>dramatis personae</em> it would be wise to add:<br /> Gemma, the publican's young daughter and her mother Mrs Lonnie Fitch</p> <p>Onlookers and bystanders, as required; Chorus, either garishly outfitted or veiled; Mr Wolfgang von Strefanovotch, aka Strephon (Wolfie to his near and dear).</p> <p>A word or two about production values: This is not low-budget, hand-held, wobbly murky experimental rubbish. If we conjure up a crowd of 12th Century Freedom Fighters swarming the moors, that's what we want to see on the set on the day. None of your virtual crowd patching. However, our production designer will soon be checking in and will give a full and fair description of the location, feel, and likely costing per minute. Right?</p> <p>Does that do it? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197#post-799 Sat, 27 Feb 2010 22:18:19 +0000 Iscariot 799@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>name of soap: How about "Strephon", which could give an "in" to parliamentary intrigues via the Duchess. Strephon was also half-fairy, according to G&amp;S. The character himself should not appear, but should remain alluded to and talked about both before and after his yet to be explained early and tragic demise, and its ramifications within the horseracing community...</p> <p>(Blake wasn't seen after the 1st series of Blake's 7 and Taggart hasn't been in the series that bears his name for yonks.)</p> <p>Strephon also sounds like a cross between a sex toy and a sore throat. Make a link if you wish. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197#post-794 Sat, 27 Feb 2010 21:57:25 +0000 MrChigleysAunt 794@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well, the working title is, Long Shot. More soon. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197#post-792 Sat, 27 Feb 2010 21:53:33 +0000 virtuallywill 792@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>name of the soap....<br /> O'Farrell Avenue ? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197#post-779 Sat, 27 Feb 2010 18:21:52 +0000 MrChigleysAunt 779@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lumme! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197#post-777 Sat, 27 Feb 2010 18:04:50 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 777@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Standing in for the Organisers. Ma chère Tante has asked to join in and no-one has replied. I propose that the setup to Act one, Scene One be prepared by Mr Chigley's venerated and elderly relative along the following lines:</p> <p>3 of the above characters, in a setting of the lady's choice, preparing to embark on the introductory elements of the drama, the plan of which is the action of a single day, though not necessarily recounted in chronological order.</p> <p>Is the proposal agreed? You have 30 minutes in which to rescind this proposal, otherwise Mr Chigley's esteemed female relative will begin the Story &gt; [drumroll] </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197#post-774 Sat, 27 Feb 2010 17:20:59 +0000 MrChigleysAunt 774@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Can I play too? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197#post-756 Sat, 27 Feb 2010 13:41:15 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 756@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cast of characters (separated by a comma): the Duchess of Argyll (a minor part as chaperone to Pauline); Pauline herself, credentialed contralto and singer of Gilbert &amp; Sullivan Operas, Mr Wretchedson, a race-track owner, High Billy the wonder horse, Mr Astchap, an auctioneer from Sotheby's, Mr &amp; Mrs Van der Veldt, American tourists, a BBC camera crew.</p> <p>Are any more required to make this a rollicking good tale and nice clean family fun? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=197#post-652 Fri, 26 Feb 2010 13:03:08 +0000 Scroat 652@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>What a brilliant idea! How do you decide who picks up each day/week?</p> <p>Count me in anyway. In fact, try keeping me away!</p> <p>Up to you Quaz to create the initial scenario and cast of characters I guess. Or could this be a joint effort too?</p> <p>Possibilities are endless!!! </p>