http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17882 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 07:41:04 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17882#post-106170 Wed, 18 Jan 2012 12:56:31 +0000 Stan Laurel 106170@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It's a little unfair to describe Dr Justin Higgins as an "egghead". Slaphead yes, but so far as I am aware his cranial crust is as thick as the next boffin. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17882#post-106153 Wed, 18 Jan 2012 10:35:50 +0000 dvo4fun 106153@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Matured well. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17882#post-106143 Wed, 18 Jan 2012 09:33:32 +0000 nickb 106143@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh hooray for the germ of truth! This has it perfectly! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17882#post-105849 Mon, 16 Jan 2012 08:55:11 +0000 writinginbsl 105849@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Golgo-there is something wrong with your formula. Apparently the most depressing day was about a week ago.<br /> Perhaps it should be minus S squared?*</p> <p>*(sorry, i dont have your almost supernatural skill with obscure buttons on my computer) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17882#post-105837 Mon, 16 Jan 2012 06:56:31 +0000 Golgo13 105837@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>If my calculations are correct, today's usually the day we get the "most depressing day of the year according to Lampeter University boffin" story.</p> <p>Although I suppose recently it isn't something news anchors can just tack onto a bulletin and chuckle any more. Not even Bill Turnbull wants that many impulse suicides on his hands. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17882#post-48449 Tue, 07 Dec 2010 21:29:40 +0000 malgor 48449@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>LOL. Poor bloke. He was probably fed formula as a baby. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17882#post-48432 Tue, 07 Dec 2010 19:54:31 +0000 Golgo13 48432@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks for the feedback. There really was a maths bloke on the BBC morning news sofa yesterday touting a formula for the perfect Christmas...I thought it would be picked up by all the major news outlets...It was in The Star and The Belfast Telegraph (online version at least)...but it's a generic thing...some joker always comes out with a formula for something every few months, and grrr it makes me mad...oh, and I was totally going for the typesetter crowd...underserved comedy constituency if you ask me. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17882#post-48295 Tue, 07 Dec 2010 09:26:48 +0000 Scroat 48295@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice one Golly - especially like the bit about alienating typesetters. I go back to hot metal, linotype and even monotype. Now it's all done by pooters </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17882#post-48291 Tue, 07 Dec 2010 09:10:38 +0000 IABP 48291@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'm making loads of noise. I'm surprised you can't hear me. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17882#post-48288 Tue, 07 Dec 2010 09:05:43 +0000 rickwestwell 48288@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Loved it, especially the bearded quotient and room full of crazy! I need one of them. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17882#post-48229 Mon, 06 Dec 2010 19:43:33 +0000 Golgo13 48229@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Pretty quiet today. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17882#post-48129 Mon, 06 Dec 2010 11:38:24 +0000 Golgo13 48129@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>After years of attention-hungry maths boffins having hit-and-miss success getting nonsense formulas for 'most depressing day of the year', 'female beauty' and 'Christmas happiness' into the mass media, a mathematics researcher and lecturer from the University of East Anglia has developed a new half-arsed formula to optimise the chances of these meaningless equations being broadcast by news outlets.</p> <p>Norwich egghead, Dr Justin Higgins, who hasn't had a proper paper published in over 3 years, stayed up all night studying the types of bogus pseudo-maths that make it onto Yahoo news, the BBC and the Sun website, and concluded that while relevance and humour were important, complexity and desperation were also key factors, coming up with this piece of specious claptrap:</p> <p><center>S = ((R + Hq)×(sin(C)+D))/(B + RfoC)</center></p> <p>Dr Higgins, whose position at the University is up for review in the new year, explained that, 'Success, 'S', is a function of relevance, 'R', and humour quotient, 'Hq', but also takes into account how complicated the formula looks, 'C'. It needs to look plausibly complex so as to look brainy, but not so impenetrable that it alienates the public and typesetters. Somewhere between Key Stage 2 and Key Stage 3 on the curriculum.' </p> <p>Higgins, overlooked for promotion again this year, went on to say that Desperation factor, 'D', is also important, as each faculty-member tries to raise his profile ahead of public spending cuts, but that the probability of it becoming a springboard to a TV career like Brian Cox or Marcus du Sautoy’s was sadly undermined by his excessive Beardiness, 'B', and his ownership of a 'Room full of Crazy' where mysterious numbers and symbols are scrawled all over the walls and windows of a locked room in the mathematician’s house.</p> <p>It is understood that Head of UEA Maths Department, Professor David Hammond has responded with his own formula for Dr Higgins' chances of being taken seriously in the faculty staff room. </p>