http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1424 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Tue, 21 May 2013 20:30:49 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1424#post-3809 Wed, 24 Mar 2010 13:18:23 +0000 Basil_B 3809@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>What about Darling leaving/losing the red brief case on the tube on his way to Parliament then claiming ' by the time we find it it'll be may anyway and George Osbourne can read it then' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1424#post-3805 Wed, 24 Mar 2010 13:08:25 +0000 MADJEZ 3805@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yup, I had toyed with the idea of having him in the bosses office on budget morning saying he'd gone out on the piss instead of doing the budget. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1424#post-3785 Wed, 24 Mar 2010 10:28:45 +0000 John Square 3785@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I love the idea of Darling, sat alone at his desk late one night, sweating over the budget. </p> <p>In my mind's eye, I can clearly see him reaching for another huge wad of printouts of fiscal borrowing requirements, a pile of requests from Ed Balls for more money ("or else..."), and reams of baffling equations and bullshit from academic economists .</p> <p>He then stops, and says out loud:</p> <p>"Fuck it. It's a waste of time, no-one understands any of this, it doesn't matter as none of us are going to be here to deliver it anyhow..... I'll wing it on the day."</p> <p>And then pausing for a moment before checking his watch, standing up and continuing "... and if I get a shift on, I can just catch last orders at the Westminster Arms" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1424#post-3777 Wed, 24 Mar 2010 09:59:41 +0000 MADJEZ 3777@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In a surprising outbreak of honesty Chancellor Alistair Darling will not deliver the expected pre-election budget but take the opportunity to admit the game’s up for New Labour. It is thought he will announce ‘well it was pointless spending time on a budget as we'll be out in two months anyway so none of it’s any use. I thought I could put the time to better use updating my CV.’</p> <p>He won’t outline any election winning giveaways as thought ‘we were going to offer everyone in the country £1million cash and tickets to the X-Factor but it’s no use no-one believes anything we say anyway. No tax for the poor, less tax for the rich, nah they’re not buying. We’ll just let the other lot start sorting out the mess we’ve left them.’ </p> <p>The Conservative Shadow cabinet were unavailable as they were busy putting their many directorships of financial institutions into their wives names in time for the election.</p> <p>Lib Dem ‘Shadow Chancellor’ Vince Cable took the opportunity to set out their economic vision but was cut short by waiting journalists who shouted remarks such as ‘oh f**k off mate, you’ve got no chance and no-one’s listening to your lot anyway’ and ‘join a proper party you might get elected.’ </p>