http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14091 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 04:08:55 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14091#post-38190 Fri, 15 Oct 2010 13:12:58 +0000 riesler 38190@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"walks the Corgi's" what? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14091#post-38151 Fri, 15 Oct 2010 08:25:40 +0000 ramblesnake 38151@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Philip has only one l. Stick as many as you like in Camilla. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14091#post-38125 Fri, 15 Oct 2010 00:32:01 +0000 Kazytc 38125@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Queen Elizabeth, that is...... UK Queen Elizabeth, has adopted a new, Christmas role play, she is now taking on the role as Scrooge, and has been dubbed, Queen Scrooge as a result.</p> <p>Claiming that there is a need to cancel her annual staff Christmas party, in line with 'difficult circumstances facing the country' (quote), the Queen has prompted the question of "is one a Scrooge"?</p> <p>Normally, the lavish annual Christmas party, paid for by Queen Scrooge, and costing some £50,000, is laid on to show her staff, some appreciation for their services, but this year Queen Scrooge, has canceled the bash, and insists that every member of staff, shall be dished up a bowl of gruel instead, and a mug of tap water, decanted directly from the palace kitchen taps.</p> <p>There will be no presents, even for Tiny Tim Lawrence, Queen Scrooge's son-in-law, despite protests from Princess Anne, who is married to Tiny Tim Lawrence.</p> <p>He like Princess Anne herself, will have to make do, with some free horse manure, served up in the stables at the palace, for the somewhat equestrian couple.</p> <p>Prince Charles, will not get a new pair of joke shop ears, this year, unlike in previous years, where Queen Scrooge has been known to make a special pilgrimage, to Blackpool, in Lancashire, in order to buy some for him, on Blackpool promenade.</p> <p>Queen Scrooge has announced that the Duchess of Cornwall will get no Cornish Pasties, this year, but she is thought to be somewhat surprised by this announcement, since she is not given anything, anyway, it is a known fact, that Queen Scrooge dislikes her, and it shows.</p> <p>Prince Andrew and his family will get no Weight Watchers TV dinners, this year, despite their being regarded by Queen Scrooge, as cheap, like his former wife Sarah Fergusson, but money is of course tight, in the Royal Household this year.</p> <p>Prince Edward, wife Sophie Wessex and their children be given no more pink ballet shoes and leotards, as in previous years, despite the fact that they like to enjoy a more gay and flamboyant, Christmas, to include cross dressing, and performing drag queen acts at local theatres.</p> <p>Edward likes to dress up in Sophie's clothes, and is rumoured to be Gay, whilst Sophie is believed to be a man in drag and apparently enjoys dressing up in Edwards clothing.</p> <p>Prince William will get a new toy helicopter to play with this year, given that he is Queen Scrooge's favourite grandson, but Queen Scrooge, is unable to buy him another real one this year, so he will have to be grateful, for the toy one instead.</p> <p>Prince Harry, will not be getting a packet of cigarettes or a pint of beer in his favourite local "The Jet Set Yob", so he will not be able to drown any of his sorrows this Christmas, as he normally does.</p> <p>Prince Phillip will not be getting Tartan boxer shorts this year, but he will be getting a volume of his favourite book:</p> <p>"How to make another verbal blunder in one easy lesson" </p> <p>the book has a nice Tartan Cover, and bears a photo of Prince Phillip on the front.</p> <p>Queen Scrooge denies favouritism, despite accusations to the contrary.</p> <p>However, Queen Scrooge, is treating herself to a new frock, from her favourite outfitters, Oxfam, this year, she has a gift voucher towards the cost of this, from Prince Phillip and the kids, so it will mean only paying half price, for her new frock, which should set her back nothing more than £700,000, a huge saving in these 'difficult circumstances facing the country', insists Queen Scrooge.</p> <p>There will be no 3pm Christmas broadcast by Queen Scrooge this year, as she wants to save money on that also, so she has asked the media, to broadcast a message to the nation, on her behalf, saying:</p> <p>"Please donate to the poverty stricken Royals this year, as they have been refused a poverty grant, and are shivering around the cat, who is now employed in sucking peppermints, to keep them all warm".</p> <p>The media have deemed Queen Scrooge, a tad senile, and have made no promises, to make the demented broadcast on behalf of her.</p> <p>Meanwhile conservationists, have been summoned to the palace, by Prince Charles, to see how his parents home, can be more green and efficient, in a bid to save the tax payer more money.</p> <p>It is thought that Prince Charles, is trying to win the favour of David Cameron, in case he refuses him, a poverty grant too.</p> <p>Conservationists have now found new uses, for Queen Scrooge's many bucket style hats, they are now being used as plant pots, for growing herbs in, which will save on the culinary herb bill, for the palace.</p> <p>Banana trees, have been planted in the palace corridors, so that monkeys can swing from tree to tree, with messages and memo's between Queen Scrooge and her staff, which means that the servants, who once fulfilled this task, will be made redundant. </p> <p>The palace Monkeys, headed by Wacko Jacko, have been specially trained by Prince Charles, to only eat a specified ration, of bananas each day, so that Queen Scrooge and Prince Phillip, can live on the rest. </p> <p>The new jungle telegraph, will be cheaper to operate, than the former one, which employed humans.</p> <p>No more lavish dinner parties, will be held at the Palace, so the spare dining chairs, will be used for firewood, making better use of in-house natural fuel resources.</p> <p>Cling film, will replace the proposed double glazing, planned previously for the palace, this will be installed next week, and hopefully reduce a carbon footprint... or two.</p> <p>Herds of cattle, will be brought up from the Duchy of Cornwall estate, to provide milk and meat for the palace, home grown, to save on present transportation costs between Cornwall and London.</p> <p>However, Queen Scrooge, is said to be unhappy at the prospect of walking in Cow pat, and being moo'd at, as she walks the Corgi's, in the palace grounds.</p> <p>Just some of the proposed changes at Buckingham Palace this year.</p> <p>Prince Charles and Camilla, are thought to be unhappy about ascending to the throne, should Queen Scrooge abdicate, as they are not keen on their new, proposed Royal title, of King and Queen Scrooge of England &amp; Wales, to Boot.</p> <p>Prince Charles is said to be considering, passing up the Royal Position, and just retiring on a state pension, to a small rented cottage in Wales, where lots of English people come home to 'real' fires.</p> <p>It is not known, who will want to take on the new title and role, or whether the palace will instead, become a just a workhouse for the poor, headed by Mr Oliver Twist-Cratchett.</p> <p>We shall of course keep you updated on this story.</p> <p>More news later, watch this space minus the ghost of Christmas present, past and future. </p>