http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13818 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 16:10:22 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13818#post-37512 Mon, 11 Oct 2010 04:35:42 +0000 be reasonable 37512@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The monkeys that work for Starbucks have protested at their conditions by crapping in the coffee and charging three times what any sane person would pay. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13818#post-37503 Sun, 10 Oct 2010 23:13:32 +0000 wolfie 37503@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>To reassure the public on the issue of animal cruelty, Costa commissioned some tedious mathematicians to point out that although there were injuries, seeing as there was only a finite number of burns from the infinite monkey group, the true number of burns was actually zero, and no harm was done. A spokes-monkey for the monkeys delivered a crushing mathematical counter-hypothesis to this by crapping on their heads. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13818#post-37498 Sun, 10 Oct 2010 22:47:42 +0000 wolfie 37498@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In a statement, Costa's staff said they were offended at the comparison, stating that they were in no way similar to monkeys. This was hotly followed by a statement from the monkeys, declaring: "we are offended at the advert comparison, and we point out we are in no way similar to Costa's staff."</p> <p>Animal Rights campaigners have expressed concerns as to whether the monkeys in the ad were wild...</p> <p>"Wild... we were livid!" was the reply, uttered between banana bites and watching old videos of Rowan Atkinson, in a classic sketch where he was dressed in an amusing Costa Coffee uniform, and yet still spoke intelligent English.</p> <p>On a lighter note, some of the monkeys have gone on to fruitful careers as a "Costa's-a-gram", delighting party-goers with their inept movements, indecipherable grunting, and unspeakable personal hygiene... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13818#post-37484 Sun, 10 Oct 2010 20:57:38 +0000 MADJEZ 37484@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Animal welfare experts have criticized the chain for allowing an infinite number of monkeys to try to make the perfect cup of coffee. Numerous animals were scalded by boiling hot water and steam during the failed experiment.</p> <p>The monkeys were only able to make bitter sludge, so no better than the rest of Costa's staff. </p>