http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13584 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Mon, 20 May 2013 22:04:14 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13584#post-36929 Thu, 07 Oct 2010 07:03:53 +0000 Griffin 36929@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>What do I have to do to pull myself together with the gorgeous girl in the next office? I am 65. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13584#post-36901 Wed, 06 Oct 2010 23:01:33 +0000 Kazytc 36901@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I just did! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13584#post-36883 Wed, 06 Oct 2010 20:34:16 +0000 la maga 36883@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Not sure you can stretch out a pun to a full story like that... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13584#post-36882 Wed, 06 Oct 2010 20:25:34 +0000 Kazytc 36882@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Seems I rattled someones cage, sad thing is that we can't please all though I always feel it best to say nout as opposed to something crass. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13584#post-36875 Wed, 06 Oct 2010 19:43:30 +0000 saltire 36875@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This sub is bordering on genius. I only wish I could give it more than fuck all. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13584#post-36874 Wed, 06 Oct 2010 19:36:35 +0000 Kazytc 36874@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>UK Prime Minister David Cameron, has called for Britain to pull together today.</p> <p>Determined to ensure that this happens, he has ordered that every householder in Britain, is receive with some government issue curtains, so that they can all 'pull themselves together', successfully.</p> <p>The order has gone out that all householders, will have to put these curtains up, in their living rooms or front bedrooms, to show their support for his ruling, those who fail to do so will be fined £20,000.</p> <p>Prince Phillip has insisted that his government issue curtains, should be Red Tartan, as he is addicted to Red Tartan.</p> <p>The Queen has insisted that hers, should be thermal, as she was recently turned down for a poverty grant, to help with the palace heating bill.</p> <p>David Cameron thought the Queen and Prince Phillip, were a tad audacious, to ask for any free at all, given their wealth, but has made a one off grant, to prevent them from going out to Aldi, to steal some instead.</p> <p>Anne Widdecombe has requested that hers are made from tin foil, to match her Dancing cape, which also doubles up as a witches cape, for traveling out in, on Halloween.<br /> David Cameron and his wife Sam-cam, have insisted that theirs, be made from Cardboard Cornish Pasty boxes, to match baby Florence's crib.</p> <p>Nick Clegg and his wife Miriam, who live at 11, Downing Street, are having their government issue curtains, made from wood normally used for making Cloggs.</p> <p>Gordon Brown and his wife Sarah, are having their curtains, made from Oxfam cast offs, sewn together with hay.</p> <p>Tony &amp; Cherie Blair are having their curtains, made from blood stained, black magic altar cloths.</p> <p>William Hague and his boyfriend Christopher Mythers, are having their curtains made from pink fluffy feather boa's and black studded leatherette.</p> <p>Kenneth Clarke and his wife Gillian, are having theirs made from scruffy old Hush Puppies, sewn together with tatty old shoe laces.</p> <p>Eric Pickles and his wife Irene Coats, are having theirs made from Pickled Onion Skins sewn onto old coats, not surprisingly.</p> <p>Dr Vince Cable and his wife Rachel, are having theirs made out of plastic coated crossed wires and other conduit.</p> <p>Theresa May and her husband and her husband Phillip, are having their curtains made from old Bryant May match boxes, as they like a well lit room.</p> <p>Dr Liam Fox and his wife Jesme, are having theirs made from Fox fur.</p> <p>Ian Dementia Smith and his wife Betsy-boobs, are having theirs made from Tenalady diaper bags.</p> <p>George Osborne and his wife Francis, are having theirs made from used bank cheques and obsolete bank notes.</p> <p>The rest of the British electorate, are having theirs made from normal curtain materials, as they are more sound in mind, and not as fussy.</p> <p>You are advised to await the arrival of your free curtains, this coming week, please refrain from taking after the Royal family, by going out pilfering them.</p> <p>More news later, watch this space. </p>