http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11701 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 25 May 2013 07:35:36 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11701#post-32406 Wed, 08 Sep 2010 06:20:59 +0000 Genghis Cohen 32406@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>And your keyboards both have broken space bars.</p> <p><a href="http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-economy-grinds-to-halt-as-nation-realizes-money,2912/">Could just be coincidence, and at least the text is improvised</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11701#post-32018 Sun, 05 Sep 2010 12:52:24 +0000 RockIsNotNoise 32018@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A triple-dip recession was caused today, as money's worth decreased to nil. The trigger was a debate in Parliament about banking reforms at 12.46pm</p> <p>"We need to reform these banks. Their money..." said an MP. "Money. It's just paper, and plastic." He then got out his wallet and ripped up all his money, and broke his cards. Several other members then stood up and also realised this. </p> <p>At 1.00pm, Prime Minister, David Cameron, gave an emergency address to the nation. He proclaimed that money was worthless bits of paper. The entire populace, also had an epiphany. </p> <p>The revelation was not limited to Britain. At 1.23pm, a well placed phone-call by a UK citizen to his friend in New York, NY, also sparked off an epiphany across the United States, with an emergency address by Obama. </p> <p>The New York Stock Exchange/Wall St. and the FTSE in London's (at 1.30pm) stock ticker then reported that all stocks are of equal worth - i.e. worthless. At 1.31pm, a gunman holding up a Nationwide Bank in Coventry city centre, walked out arm-in-arm with the security guard.</p> <p>Several other people were overjoyed. "I was just about to tell a couple than their loan was unapproved," said HSBC employee, Sara Khan. "but we heard the good news, and I said that it didn't matter!" </p> <p>Several hundred thousand houses, once repossessed by banks, were then given back to their previous owners. </p> <p>At 1.45pm, the entire global financial trade collapsed. </p> <p>How will this new world order affect us?</p> <p>"Well," said James Thornes, a now-jobless-but-enlightened financial expert. "We can always barter. Five carrots for a loaf of bread or something." He paused. "How many carrots is an iPod?" </p>