http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1166 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 22 May 2013 09:14:19 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1166#post-3350 Sun, 21 Mar 2010 21:18:08 +0000 thecritic 3350@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I made this too.<br /> <img src="http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f371/thecritic06/toofar.jpg"> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1166#post-3347 Sun, 21 Mar 2010 20:53:42 +0000 thecritic 3347@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Supplemented version:</p> <p>An unprecedented allegation against the Clergy was made today by one man claiming to have been sexually abused by a priest during his education at St. Jeffrey's Catholic Boarding School for Young Boys.<br /> 'I struggle to believe it myself, but once, I'm certain that Father Green's hand brushed against my backside when he walked past me' said a clearly shaken man, 43, of 18 Fairview Gardens, Reading, RD1 8FP, who wishes to remain unnamed for personal reasons. 'I really don't want to discredit the church, and I'm stricken with grief at having to make such a scarcely-believable accusation.'<br /> Many individuals and organisations are indeed having difficulty in believing that there could be any weight to the claims, with Alistair Wilde of the NSPCC's Public Relations department making the following statement;<br /> 'I am shocked and saddened by the accusation made against the clergy on this occasion. It is absolutely unique and I have never ever heard of any even remotely similar claims being made about priests in schools before, ever. In fact, if there was one group of people I'd trust my children with, it'd be a bunch of lifelong celibates who are bound by an extremely strict set of rules about behaviour, because those people are the least likely that I could possibly imagine would ever commit a sexual offense against a child.'<br /> <strong>A recent publication from the Portsmouth Institute of Sexual Studies entitled 'Sex, Kids and Rock and Roll' indeed claimed that priests were ranked as the least likely to commit a 'sexually deviant' act. Experiments by the Institute suggest that instructions given by supernatural forces, definitively proven to exist by Professor Derek Acorah in 2007, proved that suppression is indeed the best way to control elements of human nature. Onesuch experiment involved the microchipping and regular examination of the penises of several hundred priests who chose to participate, where evidence shows that the priests were at least half as likely to be involved in sexual activity whilst reading the Bible, letters from the Pope or the Necronomicon than other times, creating what has been named the 'Noweh Phenomenon'<br /> Ministry of Surveillance figures shed little light on the incredible allegations, showing that priests are as unlikely to indulge in sexually oblique behaviour as notoriously conventional groups such as Formula 1 chiefs, world-renowned golfers, and presidents of America between 1993 and 2001.</strong><br /> Most surprisingly of all concerning the accusations is the willingness of the Holy See to accept likelihood that the incident took place. A senior cardinal in an interview with a newspaper stated 'the incident likely took place. What's the point in denying anything? Just forget about it. <strong>When you believe that a guy with a beard but no body made everything, including naked children in the shower soaping themselves, then all of a sudden it doesn't really matter anyway.</strong>'</p> <p>----------------------------</p> <p>Improvement? Feel free to make suggestions and draft changes if you like. :P </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1166#post-3104 Fri, 19 Mar 2010 14:37:36 +0000 Dumbnews 3104@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good, but needs more emphasis on the celibacy aspect. I think that is more ironic than the supernatural part. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1166#post-3043 Fri, 19 Mar 2010 09:16:08 +0000 The All New Jeni B 3043@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good, but needs (imo) more emphasis on the supernatural beliefs. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1166#post-3019 Fri, 19 Mar 2010 03:37:44 +0000 thecritic 3019@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>An unprecedented allegation against the Clergy was made today by one man claiming to have been sexually abused by a priest during his education at St. Jeffrey's Catholic Boarding School for Young Boys.<br /> 'I struggle to believe it myself, but once, I'm certain that Father Green's hand brushed against my backside when he walked past me' said a clearly shaken man, 43, of 18 Fairview Gardens, Reading, RD1 8FP, who wishes to remain unnamed for personal reasons. 'I really don't want to discredit the church, and I'm stricken with grief at having to make such a scarcely-believable accusation.'<br /> Many individuals and organisations are indeed having difficulty in believing that there could be any weight to the claims, with Alistair Wilde of the NSPCC's Public Relations department making the following statement;<br /> 'I am shocked and saddened by the accusation made against the clergy on this occasion. It is absolutely unique and I have never ever heard of any even remotely similar claims being made about priests in schools before, ever. In fact, if there was one group of people I'd trust my children with, it'd be a bunch of lifelong celibates who are bound by an extremely strict set of rules about behaviour, because those people are the least likely that I could possibly imagine would ever commit a sexual offense against a child.'<br /> Most surprisingly is the willingness of the Holy See to accept likelihood that the incident took place. A senior cardinal in an interview with a newspaper stated 'the incident likely took place. What's the point in denying anything? Just forget about it.'</p> <p>----------------------------------------</p> <p>Any good? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1166#post-3005 Thu, 18 Mar 2010 22:33:06 +0000 danlewis 3005@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think the idea has loads and loads of potential. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1166#post-2985 Thu, 18 Mar 2010 19:56:57 +0000 virtuallywill 2985@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I feel this could be a bigger article.... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1166#post-2981 Thu, 18 Mar 2010 19:50:19 +0000 The All New Jeni B 2981@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'm shocked that I'm the only one to have scored this so far!<br /> I thought it was chortlesome and a good idea. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1166#post-2958 Thu, 18 Mar 2010 18:50:23 +0000 Dumbnews 2958@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Expect more integrity from those advocating belief in the supernatural </p>